Jay Halstead imagines

Drunken confessions - Jay Halstead

Inspired by the song Family line by Conan Gray

"This last case hit close to home. You needed to save a kid from heavy abuse, something no one did for you. There were so many things you recognized from your past that you were now trying to drink away at Molly's. Sitting alone at the bar, you had one drink after another. Your friend Gabby from Firehouse 51 noticed you were getting wasted, so she called your boyfriend and colleague Jay Halstead to ensure you would arrive home safely.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" Jay said as he sat down next to you.

You looked up at him. "My father never talked a lot. He just took a walk around the block till all his anger took a hold of him, and then he'd hit us."

Jay looked at you in shock. You never told him that, and seeing the state you were in, you probably never planned on telling him sober.

"My mother never cried a lot. She took the punches, but she never fought. Till she said: 'I'm leaving, and I'll take the kids.' She did. I say they're just the ones who gave me life, but I truly am my parent's child. I'm so good at telling lies, that came from my mother's side. Did you know I have my father's eyes but my sisters' when I cry? I can run, but I can't hide, never could." You took another sip of your drink.

"Come on, let's go home," Jay mumbled.

You shook your head. "No, I'm not done. It hurts seeing fathers with their little girls. I wonder what I did to deserve this? How could you ever hurt a little kid? I can't forget, and I can't forgive. I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me."

"I won't leave you."

"I tried to undo it all. All of my pain and all of his excuses. I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless. All of my past, I tried to erase it, but it keeps coming back. With some things, it just all comes back, and I feel like I get hit by a bus every time."

Jay looked at you in silence. You talked about this without any emotion. He knew it was the alcohol in your system, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Gabs, can I get another one?" you held up your empty glass.

Gabby looked at Jay before she looked back at you. "I think you should go home."

You sighed and stood up from the chair. "Right. See ya."

Jay quickly paid Gabby before following you outside. You were swerving on the sidewalk, giggling at everything you saw. Jay helped you get in the car and drove you home.

Arriving home, you let yourself fall down on the couch.

"No, we're going to the bed," Jay said as he pulled you up.

You groaned in annoyance but still stumbled to the bedroom. Jay helped you get in your pyjamas before you let yourself fall down on the bed.

"You know, you are nothing like your parents," Jay said as he placed a kiss on your head. You didn't hear him. You were already passed out.

When you woke up in the morning, a wave of nausea hit you. You jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Jay quickly followed you. He held your hair back and rubbed circles on your back.

"God, I'm never drinking so much again," you mumbled as Jay gave you a glass of water.

"I've never seen you that drunk."

"Did I tell you some embarrassing stuff?" You looked up at Jay, but from the look on his face, you could tell that it wasn't embarrassing stuff you told him. "I told you about my parents, didn't I?"

Jay slowly nodded his head. "It was pretty bad." You stood up, and the two of you walked back to the bed.

"What did I tell you exactly?" you asked as you cuddled up against Jay.

"That your father hurt you, how your mother took it. That you are your parent's child. And that you tried to undo it all...."

Great. That was the one thing you didn't want him to know.

"Why did you never tell me?" He asked quietly.

"Because... it's my past, and it's not part of my future. I didn't want to have that sadness and hurt back in my life after I tried so hard to forget it."

"You could've told me. I would've been there for you. Even with a case like this, which probably was a trigger for you."

"Yeah... I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's just hard to talk about it. But now we're on the subject. Anything else you want to know?"

Jay was silent for a moment. "When did you try to undo it all?"

You knew that was the question he was going to ask, but you hoped he didn't. "15 years ago. My mother took us away from our dad, and we were in a halfway house for a few months. I saw a lot of girls and women with bruises. I thought the world was like that; men are supposed to hit on the women they live with. I thought it was never going away. So a few months in, I was so depressed that I couldn't take it anymore. One of the women who ran the halfway house found me in time. She saved my life. After that, she made sure that I got better, and I never looked back ever since."

"You don't have any contact with your mom or your sisters?"

"Briefly. My mother reached out a few years ago. I'm friends with my sisters on Facebook, but I don't speak to them."

"Thanks for telling me," Jay said as he placed a kiss on your head.

"Should've told you sooner, though."

"Yes, and no. I wish you had, but sometimes we are not ready to talk about stuff. I haven't told you some things about the rangers either, simply because I'm not ready to talk about it, so I get it. I'm just glad you told me now."