Jay Halstead imagines

Dark place - Jay Halstead

Your relationship has been rocky since the start. Jay was sometimes a complicated person. He rather takes a bullet than the flu shot. He did two tours in the rangers, and he never spoke about it. He had a brother you met only three months after you became a couple. His brother had no idea Jay was seeing someone, and neither did his friends. He had never spoken to you about his feelings. So naturally, you did it less. For weeks now, it felt like you had one argument after another, and you were done with it. You packed your bag, ready to leave him and stay with a friend for a while.

"Please, I don't want you to leave," you heard Jay behind you as you were putting your clothes in a bag.

"Why, Jay? You don't even talk to me!" You zipped the bag shut and turned around.

"Because you're the only thing that puts me at ease! My head's a mess. When you're here, my mind's not as loud as before."

You look at him. For the first time, he is opening up about something.

"My mind... it takes me places I don't want to go. When you're here, it's not as loud. I can focus on something else. So please, would you stay with me?" Jay pleaded.

You sighed. "Jay, we can't keep going like this. It's not healthy for the both of us. I'm glad you're finally telling me how you feel, but it's not enough."

You hung your bag over your shoulder.

"What do you want me to do then? I don't know what I have to do to make you stay."

"There is nothing you should do, Jay. We have been going at this for a while. But the problem is that you don't talk to me. I don't know how you're feeling, what you're going through. I wonder why I only met your brother three months after I became your girlfriend. I wonder about a lot of things, but most of all, I wonder why you don't talk to me."

"We talk, just like we are doing now."

You rolled your eyes. "No, Jay. This is not talking. We are arguing, just like the past few weeks, and I'm done. When you're ready to talk, and I mean really talk, about all the shit you've been through, what I mean to you and how you feel, come and find me. Otherwise, stay the hell away from me." With that being said, you walked out of his apartment.

Jay had slipped off to the deep end ever since you left. He was drinking till early in the mornings. He didn't show up for work anymore. If you needed him, you could find him in a bar. He was a mess. You pulled him out of a dark space, and now he was right back in it.

You had no idea what was going on with him. You tried to stay as far away from him as possible, but it didn't help that his team kept calling you. They probably had no idea that you broke up. It wasn't until Erin showed up at your friend's apartment that you knew something was wrong.

"Y/N, I'm begging you. This is not like Jay," Erin was begging you to help come and look for Jay.

"Erin, we broke up because he wouldn't talk to me. I'm not going to show up to drag his sorry ass over to his house. That's not my job anymore."

"Don't tell me you don't care about him. Don't act like this cold-hearted woman. We can't get a hold of him. I have a location, but I'm going to need your help. He told me that you pulled him out of his darkest place. He is going to need that."

He talked about you with Erin? "He did?"

"Yes. That man is head over heels for you, even if he doesn't show it. Just come with me, please."

"Fine," you sighed. You grabbed your coat, and you went to the location Erin had. It was the bar where you first met. Walking in, Jay was leaning against the bar with all his weight. It looked like he was entirely out of it.

"Jay?" Erin asked.

He looked up, but his eyes found you first. "You're here," he mumbled.

"Yup. Erin wanted me to be." You tried to keep your distance as much as you could, but that didn't help when you could see Jay tearing up.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up like the fuck up I am. I love you, and I should've told you that sooner. You mean the world to me, Y/N. You make all of the colours brighter. You make my heart beat faster. You make me feel alive. You make me forget all the shit I've been through. I'm sorry I fucked up." Jay broke out in tears.

You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him. He buried his face in your neck.

"I love you so much," he mumbled. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have babies with you."

"Whoa, slow down, detective. We're far from having babies," you said.

Jay looked up at you. "So you want to have babies?"

"I do. If that is going to be with you, we have a lot of things to figure out before that."

Jay nodded.

"Let's get you home first." Erin helped you with getting Jay to her car. You sat in the back with him while Erin drove to his apartment.

You two got him to his bed.

"I'll stay," you said to Erin.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It will be weird when he wakes up, but we need to talk."

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Will do." Erin leaves the apartment.

You walk back to the bedroom. Jay is looking at you with one eye open. "Come lay with me, please." He looks at you with his puppy eyes, and there is no way you can refuse that. You kick off your shoes and lay down next to him. Jay immediately puts you closer.

"We still need to talk in the morning," you said.

"We can talk about whatever you want," Jay mumbled before he closed his eyes.