Charming's Queen

61. Blue

Lynne was almost thankful when the Coming Home party ended and everyone left. She did appreciate that everyone thought of her, but she was a little upset as she had just gotten out of the hospital not even an hour before the party and wanted to see her and Jax's boys and adjust to motherhood as a family. Plus, she wasn't a fan of surprises.

Parts of her felt disappointed in herself and annoyed that she felt that way, even guilty, but she just wished it could have waited a week or so, even though it was a sweet reminder that her and Lillia were loved.

She found tears trickling down her cheek as she continued to think about it.

Lynne looked down at her daughter who had just finished nursing and being burped. She was laying calmly in the middle of the bed, her eyes darting around to take in the change in scenery.

With a deep breath, she wiped her eyes but got frustrated as the tears just kept coming. She didn't realize she was sobbing until she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Lynne?"

Lynne looked up and frantically wiped her tears, trying to calm herself down as she noticed Megan and Gemma with frowns on their faces, standing in the door way.

The two both offered to stay with the family for extra support and help, as Lynne adjusted to motherhood and adjusted to having three kids under five in the house, especially while Jax was away from the home and couldn't help out. For that, Lynne was appreciative.

With a shaky breath, Lynne opened her mouth to speak but found it to hard to force out words. She wiped her eyes again and looked at the two woman as they stepped in to the room.

Gemma immediately pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. "Oh, sweetheart," She spoke tenderly and held her as she hysterically sobbed. "Let it out, Lynne, just let it out."

Megan sat down next to Lynne and Gemma, putting her hand on Lynne's back in support and to let her know she was there for her.

Once Lynne felt the slightest bit better and wasn't crying as hard, she pulled away and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm s-sorry," she breathed deeply and looked at the two woman, "I don't know what's wrong with me, you shouldn't have had to seen that, it's not your job to take care of me..." She rambled on and on, wiping at her eyes as a few tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.

"Lynne, stop," Megan spoke and looked over at her best friend. "Slow down, take a breather." Once she saw Lynne take a few breaths, she spoke again, as Gemma wiped the tears off of her future daughter in law's face. "Be patient with yourself, you just gave birth like what? Three days ago? Lynne, it takes time and you're going to feel crappy and like no one understands, but you have to remind yourself what you just did and how amazing you are. You popped out a whole human, it's not exactly easy."

Lynne nodded slowly but then spoke up, "I know but it's just I'm thankful for all the love in my life and that everyone showed up for us, but I just wanted to be alone for the first week. I just got out of the hospital. It may be selfish but I just wanted to be alone with my daughter and have some family bonding," She spoke, tears trickling down her face, "And now I feel like the boys are mad at me because I can't pick them up and play with them, to them I can't do anything anymore." She took a shaky breath, "It just makes me feel like such shit!" She went on, "I feel guilty and selfish and I'm frustrated and I don't want to be weak-"

"Lynne," Gemma spoke. "Breathe," She reminded her future daughter in law. "Relax." She cleared her throat as she helped her wipe her tears, "I understand how you feel and I'm sorry that we put you in that position."

"I'm sorry, it was my idea," Megan spoke softly, "We should have waited or asked, I'm sorry that we didn't and it caused you to feel like this."

"The boys could never hate you, Lynne." Gemma spoke, "You're their life."

"All they care about is that you'll be okay." Megan spoke, "Trust me, Ly, they understand more than you know."

Lynne nodded silently as she took in all the information that was thrown at her. She tucked her hair behind her ear and wiped her eyes for the final time. "Thank you guys for the apology," She spoke softly and slowly, then looked back at Lillia who had started to whine. On cue, she started to cry and Lynne turned to pick her up.

Lynne held her daughter in her arms and rocked her, quietly shushing her. "You're alright, my love." She cooed. As the baby calmed down and started to drift off, Lynne stood up and set her in the bassinet that she had set up next to the bed for the first few weeks.

"Lynne, you're a fantastic mother." Gemma spoke. "Don't stress." She stood up and hugged Lynne, pressing a kiss to her head.

"Thanks, ma," She breathed softly and hugged her back.

"Take advantage of the baby sleeping and get some rest," Megan spoke, "Jax said he'd be back in an hour or so." She said softly as she hugged her best friend, before heading to the door. "The boys are already in bed, everything is taken care of. Just focus on rest."

Lynne nodded and watched as the two women stepped out of the room, then slipped into bed and under the covers. Staring at the half closed door, she got herself comfortable and then looked over at Lillia who was sound asleep. She closed her eyes and soon she was drifting off into a deep sleep.

...

With a quiet yawn, the bed dipped behind Lynne. She slowly opened her eyes and turned her head, looking back at Jax. She looked over at Lillia, who was finally back to sleep after feeding, then she looked back at Jax.

"Did I wake you?" He asked quietly as he snaked his arms around her waist.

"No, I just fed Lil and put her back down. About maybe two minutes before you came in." Lynne cleared her throat and adjusted her head on the pillow. A small smile formed on her face as Jax nuzzled his head into her head of hair.

"I'm sorry I'm not here a lot." He spoke quietly, "I'm just using her and the boys as motivation to keep making money to take care of you all."

"I know." Lynne said softly and closed her eyes after yawning again. "Why were you gone so late?"

"I tuned the bike." Jax cleared his throat, "Needed a drink or two after." He admitted.

Lynne nodded and turned her head to face Jax, "Kiss?" She asked. "I missed you." She spoke softly, a frown playing on her face.

Jax chuckled and leaned down pressing a soft kiss to his girlfriends lips. "I love you." He spoke softly, knowing he didn't say it nearly enough but he did mean it.

Lynne's heart swelled. "I love you." She responded.

She knew then, and hoped, that everything would be alright.