I Love You - Elizabeth Olsen

fifty four

"I want you to go to the therapy" Lizzie tells me seriously and my hand that was rubbing a circle on her stomach freezes as we both sits on the bed crossed legs.

We woke up from our nap a few hours after we laid down, we ordered a food and ate it in the bed and then Lizzie told me how she spent the last month. I got angry at the mention of Tom making a move on her, but I kept quiet. It was not the time for showing my jealous problem.

After that, I started talking about my night after our 'break-up' and that was her first words that left her mouth since I began to talk. I furrow my brows and blink a few times to register her words correctly.

"W-What?" I utter, my breath catches in my throat as I take my hand from her body and rest both of them on my lap.

"You just admitted about taking drugs and getting so drunk that you don't remember your half the night. It's not normal, Perry. And as much I love you, the baby comes first for me now. I can't have a person who reacts this way after a little bigger argument" She decides and I frown at the words she used.

"It wasn't a little bigger argument, Elizabeth, you practically broke up with me" I remind her and she poke inside her cheek with her tongue, an annoyed expression on her face.

"I don't care! You can't go and drink or do drugs until you black out when you have a problem! I was always understanding with your drinking problem, even if I was always concerned about this, but the drugs is something I won't accept. I wouldn't let it slice normally and I won't agree to that, especially when we're excepting a baby, Perry. You need to understand that how you're coping with your problems isn't normal or healthy. I can't let having these behaviors near the baby" She exclaims, breathing through her nose angrily and I shrink at the loud tone. I really hate when she yells at me. It always scares me, even if I know that she wouldn't raise her hand at me. It just is inside my head, I can't help it.

"I-I... I didn't drink since then or-or take anything. I'm-I'm clean..." I stutter out quietly in attempt to do defense myself. I also begin to play with my fingers nervously, it's a habit I picked up from Lizzie some time ago. She lowers her shoulder, calming herself when she notices my anxiety. She gives me a sympathetic smile as she places her palm on my cheek and force myself not to flinch when the hand comes into the contact with me. Stupid traumas, stupid.

"That's good, but it's not enough. Not anymore, baby. You need help, Perry" She mumbles softly, caressing my skin and I squeeze my eyes shut, breathing heavily. "I'm not leaving you alone, honey. I'll be with you the whole time, but you need to want the help. You need to want to get better, for yourself, not anyone else"

"I want to be better. B-But I don't know how..." I stammer, opening my eyes again and noticing how shiny and red Lizzie's eyes are. Mine probably aren't better, I feel like I could cry at any moment right now. Damn you Lizzie for making me so soft.

"That's okay, sweetheart. We'll do it together, okay? I know it seems hard right now, but you will do fine. You're one of the strongest people I know" She says, bringing her face close to mine and kisses my forehead gently. "And I'm very proud of you for being so strong and not reaching to alcohol when you probably wanted, huh?" She declares, her lips against my skin and I nod lightly. She smiles softly, pecking my forehead again before she pulls back and looks into my eyes.

"I did" I agree with ease, a guilty grimace on my face at my own words.

Even if I didn't touch the alcohol after the night with Bella, I wanted to every night. And I almost did a few times, but then I was just watching my and Lizzie's photos and try to be strong enough. And I'm happy I didn't drink. I know myself, if I didn't stop myself after my first bad night, I wouldn't probably stop at all.