Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

eight

The following weeks were great. They really were. All of my college classes were great and I was immensely happy to study topics that were so interesting to me. The general atmosphere was amazing.

I was scared that people at one of the best ranked colleges in the USA wouldn't be really accommodating, but most people were.

I became close friends with Mei, which was also great. We'd have lunch together everyday and hang out after class sometimes. We discovered we had more things in common than I thought we had.

She came from a small town which was like ten minutes from where I was from, but she often went there since her ex girlfriend, who surprisingly was also in my same high school, lived there.

She seemed to be much more outgoing than I was. She enjoyed socializing and found it really easy, she loved going to parties.

She'd dragged me to a few, and I admit it wasn't that bad despite my social awkwardness.

I'd got to meet some of her friends, most of whom seemed to be really nice people too, although also a bit different than me.

They lived in a really spontaneous way, as if they didn't even know what overthinking meant, something I wished I could do.

They'd get drunk without thinking of the consequences and the day after, they'd play loud music without worrying about disturbing the neighbors, they'd say whatever was on their  mind without worrying about judgment.

But I was glad she'd insisted on me meeting them.

She occasionally got a bit too physically touchy, but I was guessing maybe that was just her way of showing affection.

In the meantime Sam wasn't really an issue to me anymore. I could almost completely focus during her classes, apart from the direct eye contact moments. No matter how hard I tried, all my insides felt like they were melting each time that happened.

And I somehow sensed that she knew how she made me feel. I didn't really know how, I just did.

A proud of herself-look seemed to appear each time I felt my face turning bright red because of her. Maybe it was just my imagination but it seemed that she'd started to do that more often.

We would hang out most evenings or on weekends, watching films, getting coffee or just chatting, and she'd randomly say stuff or look at me in an almost teasing way. Especially when she'd had more than a drink or two.

I enjoyed the tension and the thrill of it all, but I also didn't know how long I could resist spending time with her without confessing how she made me feel. Good thing I didn't really drink, especially around her.

I knew that way of living was mentally unhealthy. I honestly just wanted to be able to be with her. To kiss her each time I found myself a few inches from her as we watched the same movie for the fifth time and she laughed at the exact same parts each time.

I tried to daringly place my hand on hers sometimes, and she'd just act like it was a normal thing or even randomly squeeze it more tightly. She'd also randomly pulled me closer to her while sitting on the couch, once again pretending it was a normal thing to do. We'd shared another few kisses on cheeks.

In a friendly way, though.

Actually, I had no idea what her intentions were.

She was a smart and reasonable person, so I knew she'd never allow anything to happen between us. It wouldn't be quite morally correct. Plus, she'd clearly expressed she wanted to have some time alone for a while that second time we went out.

I was probably making things bigger than they actually were in my head. I was literally her student, not to mention I was ten years younger than her.

Why would she have wanted anything to do with me?