Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

sixty-five

! (tw: mentions of homophobia, EDs and panic attacks)

I knew something unfortunate would happen at some point, especially after my parents hadn't been too happy about me not going to church with them after I said I'd think about it.

So, for the sake of them not talking about it anymore, I decided to just do them that one favor and go with them the following Sunday. Just for that once.

I surely wasn't gonna go with them and also wear the clothes they probably wanted me to wear, so I just settled with jeans and a graphic t-shirt, not really caring about the looks I'd receive.

And I also knew that up until then I'd only spent time with the right people from high school, mainly thanks to Vic, but all of the wrong ones to be with were gathered in that place.

"Aren't you going to talk to anyone? There's so many people you know here, honey" my mom asked as I'd just been standing beside her, while we waited to actually walk into the building, my dad already talking to his usual friends.

"I- I'm good here for now" I nodded trying to seem convincing while I actually wanted to bury myself into a hole.

I spent the whole service trying to hide how much I did not want to be there, but grateful that at least I didn't need to have any kind of social interaction with anyone. Once it was all over I immediately got up, ready to finally leave and put an end to all the suffering. But apparently people stop and talk to each other after mass. How was I supposed to remember that?

"You should go and say hello to Father Michael, Eleonor" mom said, causing me to almost laugh in her face.

"Uhm, no, I don't think so mom" I said, really struggling to contain myself.

"What? Why? He'd be happy to see you"

"No, I'm not sure he'd-" I attempted to say as she took my arm into hers and started walking towards where most people were.

"Father! You remember my daughter, Eleonor, right?" she said as she scooted through all the people around the man, making me feel more embarrassed than I already was.

"Hello Mrs. Brown!" he enthusiastically said. "Of course I remember Eleonor" he smiled. The sight of him already made too many negative memories resurface.

"Hi" I sighed, not even trying to hide my frustration.

"How are you? Your mom told me you've been studying in New York, how's that?"

"I'm good" I just said, ready to walk away. The last thing I wanted was to have unnecessary anxiety because of that man.

"I'm glad. I haven't seen you here in a long time, why is that?" he asked, and that was the last straw for me. What kind of dumb question was that?

"Take a guess" I raised a brow, trying my best to ignore all of the flashbacks I was having.

"What?"

"Don't you think it made sense for me to stop coming here after you told me I was sinning and was still in time to change my mind about wanting to live such a life? Or better, after you were blatantly homophobic to my face?" I blurted, grateful that my mom had wandered somewhere else by then, and feeling weirdly relieved.

"I was only trying to help you" he confidently said, causing my anger to get even stronger.

"Well, you definitely made my life worse for at least a year. I'm glad I stopped listening to assholes like you now" I said before storming off, not fully comprehending what had just happened but glad it had.