Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

fifty-six

"Sorry for showing up here with such short notice, by the way" Mei said as we sat on the two chairs around my table.

"Don't worry I wasn't doing much anyway. I'd ask if you want anything to drink but I only have water or tea" I chuckled.

"I'm good, thanks" she vaguely smiled. "Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for basically ignoring you all week. I know that's not the right way to deal with stuff"

"It's alright, I appreciate the apology. I just wish you'd talked to me instead of doing that" I said, trying not to sound too relieved by her finally apologizing.

"Me too. I'm kind of dumb" she laughed lightly.

"You're not, I know a thing or two about not being able to handle my emotions" I shrugged. "But I hope Sarah's not mad at you anymore"

"No, she's calmed down too. I probably convinced her there's nothing to worry about"

"That's great. I'm happy for you" I said, knowing Sarah already probably knew there was nothing to worry about since I was in a relationship myself.

"Thanks" she smiled. "You know, I don't want to start this conversation again, but are you sure you're really not hiding something else from me?"

"I promise" I attempted to sound as convincing as I could.

"Okay...It's just that I've noticed a certain pattern with you and the others, but maybe it's just my imagination"

"W-what pattern?" my curiosity got stronger than my will to not create any further tensions.

"Just...Sarah's been stopping herself mid-sentence a lot when talking to you or about you, you've more than once told me you didn't want to spend time with Maya and proceeded to say you didn't mean it when I asked why, you're always using the same excuses to not catch the subway together when you don't have work immediately after class, you constantly hide your phone's screen from me when I happen to be close to you....should I go on?"

"No" was the only thing that I could say, coming out more as a choked sound than a word.

"Okay" she said, waiting for me to say something else. "Well?"

"What?" I mumbled, my breathing starting to get heavy.

"Are you gonna deny all of that?"

"I-" I really wanted to tell her it was all not true, that she was just being paranoid.

"So I'm right?" she went on.

"I...I don't know. I mean, kind of. Partly"

"I'm not sure I even want to know which part I'm right about" she raised an eyebrow.

I desperately wished I could have found an excuse for everything she'd just said, to tell her some lie that would make it all make sense to her.

But my brain was absolutely not working and all I could hear was ringing in my ears.

"Actually, as long as it doesn't involve Sarah, you don't have to tell me anything. Just don't think I haven't noticed. And I admit I'm feeling slightly disappointed, 'cause I thought we were genuinely friends" she continued as she saw I had nothing to say.

"Of course we are!" I blurted out, feeling offended.

"Actual friends tell each other everything" she sighed. "Just don't expect me to act normally until you tell me what's going on"

"Mei..." I started to say, not even knowing where the sentence was going, when the silence was suddenly disturbed by knocks on the door.

At that point I just sat there, my eyes wide and my heart racing because I knew it could have only been one person. And I'd forgotten to warn her not to come to my place, as I'd usually do if someone was over, because it was all so last moment. Everything was going from bad to worse.