Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

sixty-two

"Why is it so freaking hot?" I frustratingly asked Mei as we got out of the subway station. She'd told her friends she would go to the place earlier to help them get everything ready, and she asked if I wanted to come along.

"I know, I've been sweating like mad all day" she agreed. "It is the beginning of June, after all"

"True" I sighed. "But still, it's annoying" I tried to use my cropped shirt to fan myself but didn't really find any relief in it.

"At least there's a pool in this house's garden. I bet it'll be crowded all evening"

"There's a pool??? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I did? Plus, you've been to this place before, I thought you'd noticed" she shrugged.

"Uhm, not really. I didn't take a swimsuit or anything" I said, disappointed.

"It's fine, most people probably didn't. A fully clothed pool dive never hurt anyone" she chuckled.

"I don't know about that, but okay" I mumbled, knowing that wasn't my main idea of fun but not wanting to ruin her enthusiasm.

It felt slightly weird to be back in the place I associated with an event I really didn't want to remember, as much as things between me and Mei were all completely normal, and had been for months.

Talking to her friends and helping with getting the house ready pretty much distracted me from all of those thoughts. I'd already met all of them but never really had a conversation that didn't involve alcohol or wasn't done at a really loud volume because of all the people around us or the loud music in the background.

I realized Mei had actually never told me how she'd met people who lived in New York city while she lived an hour away from there up till that year, and it turned out she'd met them online years before, which I found pretty cool.

And I also honestly just wanted to think about having fun and celebrating the end of the academic year, without worrying too much about stuff that had happened in the past or what people thought of me. And maybe the drink I had before people even started to arrive would help me with that, knowing me and my inability to ever be completely relaxed.

If there's something I learned that year, it was that the only thing I liked about drinking was how relaxed and careless it made me feel, something I appreciated in social occasions like parties. I just needed enough for me to not worry about each interaction I was going to have.

But I realized that maybe I'd reached that point too early in the evening when I greeted Sarah and Maya with a hug and almost fell because of how off balance I was feeling.

We all just laughed it off, though. Many people in the house were probably feeling like that too. And feeling so light and giggly was actually fun, allowing me to talk to way more people than I would have otherwise.

I only noticed I hadn't even been with my own friends until I walked out to the garden, and saw the three in the middle of the crowd of people.

"Hi!" I said as loudly as possible, tapping Mei on the shoulder.

"Hi there! We were wondering where you were" she exclaimed, turning her head to the side so the smoke of her cigarette wouldn't all blow into my face.

"Just...talking to people I guess" I shrugged.

"That was my plan too until Sarah dragged me and Maya out here" she shook her head. I could tell she wasn't completely lucid either.

"You were starting to say dumb things, babe" Sarah laughed. "Plus, I know you two would have come out here anyway because you can't spend more than a few hours without one of these" she nodded towards the cigarette she was also holding.