Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

fifty-two

Sam's pov

I quickly shoved my phone into my pocket as soon as I heard Ellie's knocks on my apartment's door, which probably made me look more suspicious than I wanted to.

"Hi!" she said as she appeared in front of me. "Oh, uhm, sorry if I interrupted something" she added, noticing I was still clutching at my phone even if it was in my pocket.

"No, all good" I reassured her, letting her in. "How are you?"

"Very good actually" she smiled, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I just got off the phone with Vic. I'm going to see her for a weekend next month!"

"That's great! I'm happy for you baby" I said, giving her a quick kiss. "I was about to make myself some tea, you want some?"

"I'm good, thanks" she kissed me back, moving to my couch.

It felt really good to be back in such a stable and healthy point of our relationship, and to spend our time together so much again. I somehow felt like the feelings between us were stronger than ever, on my end at least.

The more time I spent with her the more I realized how in love with her I was, and how amazing she was. And it felt great.

It really all felt great. Apart from a not too small detail.

I used a moment in which Ellie had gone to the bathroom to switch my phone back on, to see that it was still open on the texts I immediately hid earlier.

Maya: you sure about not wanting the stuff i told you about back?
Maya: just wondering

you: Yeah, you can keep everything

We'd shared a few texts after our talk. Just short and meaningless, like about stuff she'd found at our place after we'd broken up and I never got back that one time I had to go back to her place to collect things I'd forgotten. 

And she'd always be the one to reach out, I would have never dreamed of doing that. But I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing something wrong by still not having told Ellie about it all.

I really wanted to, but I just couldn't get myself to start the conversation. And it'd only been a few days since it happened, it wasn't as if I'd been keeping a secret for ages.

Seeing her in such a good mood that evening once again prevented me from even thinking of telling her about it. And I also was too happy to spend time with her to ruin it all. Even if I knew that the more I waited the more damage I was creating.

I once again exploited the role of my sister as the only person to whom I could talk about these things, and called her in a moment I knew Ellie wouldn't come over because she was at work.

"You don't want to start lying to her now, do you?" she plainly said when I was done explaining. "Look, I honestly can't believe you're still allowing that ex of yours to create so many problems in your life. But I thought you'd understood how lying can only negatively affect a relationship by now. You shouldn't even need someone to tell you this, you're literally thirty years old and probably able to realize when you're doing something stupid"

"I know! I know" I replied. "I just can't get myself to, I'm scared of upsetting her. I feel bad if I just think of telling her I went to Maya's house and talked to her. Even it ended up being useful for the both of us"

"You'll upset her for sure if you wait any longer, Sam. If you cautiously explain that it ended up being a useful experience, then you'll create the least amount of damage possible. But if you keep postponing it she'll end up worrying about why you felt the need to hide it from her"