Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

sixty-three

That June was definitely the best June I'd ever had. Or at least, the first weeks of it.

My days not involving studying or going to classes allowed me to live New York more freely than I'd done up to then. I'd only had two completely free weeks in August, before my lessons started, but all I could think about back then was Sam, so they weren't really free of stress.

I probably spent more time outside than I'd ever in my life during the first weeks of the month, exploring parts of the city I'd never been to with Mei and her friends, who'd kind of also become my friends by then, partying and just enjoying early summer as much as I could. I still had work, but the shop had reduced opening hours during the summer so I really had lots of time to do other stuff.

I also cut my hair way above my shoulders, after months of telling myself I was going to grow it out for once. But I really couldn't help my 2am not so sober instincts in the presence of Mei's friend who happened to work as a hairdresser. I almost got another piercing because of her, but I decided that my septum was enough for the moment.

One of the highlights of those days was attending New York city pride, something I could have never imagined to do years before. It was probably one of the most fun moments in my whole life, and I almost ugly cried in front of everyone because of how safe and accepted I felt in the middle of all those people.

My past self would have never believed I'd suddenly become that sociable, and was out all of the time of my own accord, and I was kind of proud of myself for letting myself enjoy life like I'd wished I could have back then. Which didn't mean I wasn't still extremely socially awkward and wouldn't get paranoid or anxious about the smallest thing all the time, but it was already something.

Sam had been pretty busy with exam corrections and last minute summer meetings, which prevented us from spending much time together. But we'd found a good balance between it all and were able to enjoy the time we had before I had to leave for my hometown, for almost a month. We started to go on regular dates every few days, which was fun because we were so used to being together most of the time that it was something we wouldn't usually feel the need to do.

"I'm not feeling that good about having to go back home for so long, you know" I confessed to Sam over dinner, in some really cute place not far from work.

"I can imagine" she sighed, taking my hand in hers and gently rubbing her thumb on it. "I'm sorry it has to be like this"

"It's okay, I guess. At least Vic will be there to get me through it" I said, smiling at her gesture.

"And you can call me anytime" she added.

"Of course. I'm gonna miss you so much"

"Me too, love. But we'll be fine" she reassured me.

"I know" I said. "I just hate that I'll have to pretend to be someone I'm absolutely not for all the time I'm there. And it'll be lonely to be somewhere without you"

"I'm sure it'll go by faster than you think, baby" she moved the hand she was holding close to her face so she could kiss the top of it. "And maybe focusing on the fact that we'll be going to England when you come back might help too?"

"Definitely" I nodded. "I really can't wait"

"Same, it's going to be so fun" she smiled.

"You're gonna be fine too, right?" I added, wanting to make sure of something that had been on my mind.

"Huh?"

"Like, alone here, mostly without having to work. You know" I didn't really want to say what I was thinking in a way that would sound wrong. "I'm not implying you can't cope without distractions or me or whatever it might-"