Love Lisoo

Remembering You

You killed me.. You are my murderer.. or so, that's what people say in the other side.

But you aren't, not at all.

If anything you tried to save me, you tried your best to keep me alive, I saw it in your eyes, the way you wanted to sacrifice yourself for me, the way you wanted to be the one gone and not me.

And now I'm here watching you crumble down in severe depression, constantly blaming yourself for what happened, How… How can I help you? How do I help you?

How can I stop the pain from reaching you?
How can I stop you from calling out to me?
How can I stop you from loving me?
How can I make you move on?
How can I stop loving you?

All these "How can I" questions and yet, there's nothing I can do, there will nevee be an answer and it pains me so fucking much.

I try to reach out to you and nothing, my hand only goes right through you and the only thing we have are the memories we made with each other.

Why is life so unfair to us?

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE US?

I left you…

I left you all alone, to fend for yourself, I'm so sorry, Jisoo.

You deserve so much better, if I could go back in time to fix all this mess, I would do it in a heartbeat, I would have rather died alone than see you in the extreme pain you're in now, my love.

Watching the months pass by with you only crumbling in the corner holding my picture as you cry out to me, it hurts me so much.

I sat right next to you each and every time you cried, I even cried with you. The thing that surprised me the most, I would sit right in front of you and try my best to hold your face against the palms of my hands and you'd look up and lock eyes with me, it'd make my heart feel alive once again, the magical feeling, it was incredible.

To see the attempts you made just to try to meet me in the afterlife, I would yell for you to stop and it's as if you heard me because you'd immediately stop and regret the decisions you made because you would look at my photo and remember my letter and It makes me so happy that's at least little thing I gave you keeps you going.

I'm so grateful that my best friend Jennie believes in you, that she believes the amount of love we had for one another. She comes to check up on you and it makes me happy because you have someone there, it may not be me, but I know I can trust Jennie with you, to be there for you as I'm not there at all.

Please try your best to continue on, please forget about me, please continue to love, I know that your big heart will one day be ready to love and that special person you decide to take into your life will be the happiest woman ever. I was able to feel the huge amounts of love and care you gave me, I know what I'm saying.

Being in love with my murderer? It was never like that, those were only lies spit out of people's mouth, it is and will always be "Being in love with my savior"

Kim Jisoo, if I could tell you one last time that I love you, I would do it just to look into those beautiful brown eyes and to give you one last kiss, but sadly that can't happen, not in the way we are.

This is all my fault, you're in pain because of me, I should've left you long ago, I shouldn't have let you into my imaginary world because if I didn't, you wouldn't be in the amount of pain you are in now.

You know what hurts the most though?

Seeing you fight with yourself each night, blaming yourself as you struggle to sleep and watching you cry as you reach out to me from my side of the bed.

I lay there next to you, you don't know it obviously, or maybe you do sense me? But I lay there with you until you fall asleep, I hold you and I make sure you're always safe, I'm your guardian angel, Jisoo.

_______

As much painful time passed by, Lisa realized Jisoo is slowly trying to start her life again which she's so happy to see.

She sees Jisoo slowly eating more, seeing her getting out of the dark corner she suffered in, even sometimes Lisa watched Jisoo's lip curl up a bit which makes her dead heart flutter. She even saw tints of emotions start coming back in her lover's eyes, that little tiny sparkle Lisa missed.

She watched her lover become Kim Jisoo once again, she was so glad her Jisoo is coming back to her old self. Her, once, happy little cutie.

"You know, I'm really glad I watched everything till now." Lisa thought to herself as she watched Jisoo sitting on the couch as she watched her favorite movie.

"You're doing so good, my love. I'm so proud of you." Lisa always thinks to herself, as she watches Jisoo get better as each day passes by makes her happy yet sad since she won't be here to see it all unfold.

I will always protect you, I will always be by your side, Jisoo.

That is… until the one comes.

But from what she noticed, she saw Jisoo is already meeting the one.

Lisa: Take good care of her, Jen. She's fragile and she deserves the world and much more than that.

Lisa said as she watched Jennie join Jisoo's movie night, both of them smiling at one another. She looked down at herself only to find herself slowly fading. As she looks up and looks at Jisoo's side profile, her favorite face position of Jisoo's.

Lisa: I'm glad you're moving on from me, it seems like you're slowly forgetting about me now. My time has come now, my lo– Jisoo.

Lisa begins to tear up as she smiles sadly knowing she won't be able to be there anymore, only watching from above. She continues to stare at Jisoo as she walks up to her and places a slowly fading hand on Jisoo's shoulder.

Lisa: Just this once, I will be selfish.

Lisa leans into Jisoo's cheek and kisses it, she slightly giggles seeing Jisoo scratch the cheek she kissed. She gets up and looks at the wall, a door ready to be opened for her to leave forever, she walks up to it. She places her hand on it and looks back at Jisoo one last time to say the three words she knows Jisoo won't ever hear, she smiles wiping the tears away.

Lisa: I love you.

She opens the door, a bright light shining through and she takes a deep breath, until her body stiffens hearing her name being softly called, she looks back to see Jisoo staring at her direction.

Jisoo: L-Lisa?

Lisa smiles as she nods as tears continue to fall, she knew this would happen, but she has to leave now. She watches as Jisoo's eyes widen, slowly tearing up as she gets up abruptly seeing a slowly fading Lisa smiling at her and waving at her, seeing her lips move knowing what those three words are Jisoo's heart aches in pain as she watches Lisa walk into a bright light.

Jisoo runs towards the wall as she becomes a crying mess, startling Jennie as she runs to Jisoo and holds her in her arms. Jisoo comforts herself in the warmth from Jennie as she whispers to herself, hoping Lisa hears her.

Jisoo: Lisa.. I love you too and I'm sorry for what happened. G-Goobye my Lili..

Jennie continues to cradle Jisoo in her arms and Jisoo allows herself to be held by her, knowing well enough that her heart was becoming Jennie's and that she was slowly forgetting Lisa.