"I'll always wait for you" (Oikawa x Fem!reader) Sequel to "My First Love"

21. Ena and Irana and Y/n

Third person POV

Y/n doesn't have control over her feelings, nor does she have any on her mind. She can't think straight. More she is falling, drowning, more she has no chance of freeing herself from the pressure that's holding her down. It would need a miracle and that miracle, well, even Y/n can't find it, can't think of any. If she can't think of any, she will stay like this. But she still believes in what she said and what Iwaizumi agreed to. She still thinks that she will find a way to heal herself before summer ends.

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She didn't know. She wasn't waiting for anyone. So why were they there? In front of her, on the other side of the door. She was surprised and her expression betrayed her. But she knew this would happen sooner or later, so she calmed her face and let them in.

Ena and Irana made their way in, and Y/n realized how they weren't their usual selves, since Irana was quiet and Ena wasn't smiling. They both were serious about their coming to her house. When they had taken off their shoes, they followed Y/n to her bedroom. No word had been shared yet and the tension was something she had never felt with anyone. She knew for what reason they were here, but she didn't think it would be this soon : the day after Oikawa's birthday. She was preparing herself to explain why and how, but she waited first for their greeting that didn't take long to come.

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Y/n's POV

"We wanted to talk to you about something, Y/n" Ena finally confessed.

I was sitting on my bed, near my pillows and they were sitting right in front of me, beside each other.

"I know what it is" I answered.

"So, then, why didn't you tell us about it before?" Irana asked, worried.

"I will tell you the same thing I told Tooru and Hajime and that is because I didn't want to make it about myself. I didn't want to tell you because I was scared you would think I wanted attention. I didn't think I had any reason to be in this situation, because I was happy as I was and then, poof! I'm back in this state I hate more than anything"

"Why would you think all that? What would be the difference between how you felt and how you feel now? Why would the other feeling be more important than this one?" Ena asked.

"Because I didn't have time to think about the other. I had just lost my parents, I had been bullied, threatened to be killed if I didn't stop playing volleyball. I didn't have time to think about wanting attention for that, or whatever. I had no friends here, except Sao, but he was still in Tokyo, and I didn't tell him anything, I couldn't text him... But now, the question was why am I like this? There is no reason for me to be like this, was what I thought"

"'Was'. So you mean that you do know the reason why you're like this" Ena realized.

"Yes. The trigger was the first conversation I had with Yugata when I came back. I started thinking... basically about hell from that point on and I didn't know why. It worsened day after day. Sao realized I was overthinking about something because of his girlfriend. I didn't tell him something he wanted to know, and then he came to my house, but I was asleep and I had cried. We talked. For Tooru, he just realized something wasn't right with my smile. That most of the ones I gave were too much alike with the ones I had on my face last year. And for Iwaizumi, he knew all along, but couldn't bear it, and so he approached me with the problem"

"But that doesn't tell us why you're like this" Irana made me realize.

"It's because I realized all that happened last year. I didn't want to at first, and so that's why it all came back in one snap, just because of a conversation. He destroyed my relationship with Tooru at that time. I can't forgive him. I remembered how my parents died, how I got threatened, I stopped playing volleyball, I tried to hide my pain, I tried to not make friends, I tried to hide my brother's existence, he almost died. I survived, but I almost died. I realized it all, I realized it wasn't just a freaking nightmare, that it was all true. It was hard to believe and so, my body fell again in that sea of depression. My mind agreed, my heart, tried to convince me, because it loved too much the life I was living until that. I'm try-"

Tears started to fall down on my cheeks. I couldn't control anything anymore. My emotions were, again, the ruler of my body.

"I'm trying to find a way to cure this. But nothing works. I thought talking to you about what happened last year would help me, but it didn't help me like I wanted it to help me. I thought that reading, an old passion, would help me heal, but it didn't. I-" I stopped right there, realizing something.

My eyes froze, but the tears continued to fall. Ena and Irana jumped, suddenly worried.

"What's wrong?" Ena asked, scared of what could have happened.

"Maybe... maybe I found... a way"

"What is it?" Irana asked.

"Yugata triggered this. If I-"

"No. Oh hell no, you won't be talking to that boy" Ena instantly refused.

"Imagine if it were the key!" I told her, almost screaming.

"There must be another way to help you!" She screamed back at me.

"There's only one way to find out!"

"I refuse to let you alone with him, even if it were the key to save you. I do want you to heal, but I am too scared of what he could do"

"If ever you knew what I had in mind, you would be scared of me"

"I refuse"

What would be one way to go against her will? I do not want to defy her, because I know myself that I don't want to, even though, it could help me. But I want to believe that there's another way, but if I did what I wanted to do, I wouldn't have to worry about Yugata ruining my life ever again. If I were honest, if I gave my voice the permission to scream, if I accepted that I could mean one last time to the boy I hate more than anything, I would. I want to do it, but what are the chances that it will work?


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(A/N) : We're Sunday, I have all day free. I will publish one or two other chapters today, so see you later :)