"I'll always wait for you" (Oikawa x Fem!reader) Sequel to "My First Love"

24. The talk

I feel like I'm on a mission. If I had to be honest, I would rather say no to my boss, but my boss, who is my own mind, probably wouldn't agree with my refusal. More like both my heart and my mind are against me. So that's why my feet are dragging me to the park, even though I'm starting to think it might not be a good idea anymore. Ena was right. We never know what he could do. And having what I wanted to do in my thoughts, I totally forgot that he wanted to say something as well, so I'm kinda starting to regret this, but unfortunately, I can't go back now, so I just have to face the consequences.

I arrived at the park at 10 am, the time Yugata gave to meet. No one's there. It's almost too perfect. I am hiding as far I can so no one who could walk in front of the park would see me, so the circumstances are a bit too suspicious, because who knows what Yugata would do to get what he wants. I'm sitting on a bench, my heart is racing, I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I'm pretty sure anyone who would see me right now would be scared of the amount of sweat all over my face. I'm almost certain that I'm shaking. But, weirdly, this is not the type of look I would have expected from Yugata when he saw me. He just sat beside me at a reasonable distance. I froze there, asking myself if I had the real Yugata in front of me.

"Are you real?"

"What?" he asked, letting out a nervous laugh.

"Have you been possessed? Damn, Yugata, don't tell me you've finally understood that I hate you!" I shouted, way too excited. "Well, that means I have no reason to be here anymore!" I stood up.

"Wait! Y/n. I wanted to talk to you about something" He didn't grab my hand or anything, he just begged me to stay sat with his hand. Well, I sat back down, not quite ready to hear him talk.

"I finally understood that what I did was wrong"

"God, I would have imagine that from your thirty year old self, visibly not from your 17 year old one"

"I decided I would change-"

"You? Change? Yeah, I was right. You really are possessed" I cut him.

"...for you"

I froze. I turned my head, slowly toward him and stared at him for like 10 seconds, before I realized.

"Never mind, you're still your good old self. Come see me when you'll be thirty and maybe we're gonna be able to talk this conversation through without you being a disgusting selfish jackass" I stood up again, but before I could walk away, he grabbed my wrist.

"Wait! Y/n, I'm serious. I know you don't love when I put pressure on you"

"Correction ; I don't love your entire being, from head to toe, from skin to bone, from soul to heart"

I then freed myself from his grip.

"And don't grab me like touching me will be a lucky charm to my forgiving you"

"Just listen to me, please"

I crossed my arms on my chest, took a 10 second reflexion and decrossed my arms when I sat back on the bench. I was now looking at him with the usual look I have had on my face for a few weeks now. I saw, thanks to his immediate reaction, how surprised he was.

"What hap-"

"Talk, I'll tell you after. If you don't do it now, my talking will be the last thing we'll have as a conversation"

He took a deep breath and started talking.

"I love you and I know you don't, but I decided to wait, no matter how much time it will take and honestly, from what I've been seeing with Oikawa and you, it doesn't seem to go better, so I thought that maybe I would have a chance with you, so I thought about it all, and since the other way didn't work, I decided I would wait and change in the mean time, because I know you don't love me this way"































I had to restrain myself then. It wasn't the time to tell him how much I was tired of hearing the same talk every time he would need to tell me something. It was always "sorry" or "I love you", but now, he adds "I'll wait" and "I'll change", please it is the worst bullshit I have heard coming out of his mouth. I can't believe I have once been friends with him.

"Are you done?" I asked, ready to explode in his face.

"Yes. Now, go on"

"I will promise you something, Yugata. And that is, today, right now, it is the last time we talk and I don't want to hear you stopping me because I'm just saying something that will change when more time passes by. Believe me when I say those words : I will never regret breaking you like you broke me, because you deserve it. A selfish person like you can never change Yugata and you know why, because you will always have that one goal in life, and it is that I belong to you, but for your information, it is my worst nightmare. You realized earlier that I was destroyed because my expression showed it. And guess who got me like this? Surprise, surprise, his name is Yugata Zino. He is the worst bastard on earth, the guy I hate the most, someone I despise so much that he got me in a depression I never wanted to go back into. When we had this conversation when I came back, the first conversation since I punched you the last time I saw you, it made me think of how much you ruined my life and after that, all that happened to me last year, all year long, came back to my mind and I realized in how much shit I went through. And that, all because of you. Can you believe it? And I was so happy the day before. Now, let me tell you what I wanted to tell you for a long time. I waited probably as long as you to repeat the same thing I already told you, but louder, because it seems like you're deaf and won't understand a shit of what I've been saying. But you do understand that you ruined my life, right? So why do you not understand that I hate you?!" I screamed, tears creating themselves in my eyes. "Why don't you understand that?! Don't you see that I'm desperate of having a good life, just because you keep trying to ruin it with your selfish needs! This is the last time I'm telling you. I will never love you. I will never hold for you what I hold for Tooru, and because I'm not back together with him doesn't necessarily means we're never gonna get together again. You don't know how much I love him. I love him more than when you broke our relationship. You don't understand, because you keep thinking about yourself! Don't you see it, right now, in my eyes?! I don't love you and I never will. I promised myself that I would wait for Tooru and here I am, telling you this, someone I hate. And I'll repeat it, until you understand, because it never seems to be enough! Now, stop, stop talking to me, stop trying to get with me, block me, I'll block you, forget me, don't search for me, don't hope I will enter the music club room for lunch anymore, don't look at me, don't dare think about me... Live a life that deserves you. Change, not for me, not for anyone, but for you. Change because you wanted to change. Love someone who will love you as much as you love them. But you need to understand that I will never love you back. You need to understand that I never did. Please, just tell me you understand"































"I do understand" he whispered.

I lifted up my head with big eyes, surprised by what he said. Through my half-closed wet eyes, earlier, I couldn't see. I didn't realize... Maybe, they are not the same, but tears are falling down his cheeks. I am in complete shock as he apologizes, but this time, it feels like he means it.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I'm really sorry about what I did. I wish I could have realized sooner. I will move on, just so you can know. And for all the things you just ordered me to do, I will respect it and try and forget you. I don't care if it was an obsession or not, but you will always be my first love, because I know, at some point, I was sane"

I looked at him, pity filling my eyes with the worst guilt I've ever felt. If I had been another person, maybe his first love wouldn't have changed for an obsession.

"I'm sorry" I whispered and then, stood up.

And this time, he didn't stop me. I walked away and I didn't look back, because the advice I told him needed to be mine to hear too. So I walked until I wasn't in the park anymore and took out my phone.

To Tooru : I'm coming to your house.

From Tooru : I'll be waiting for you.

To Tooru : Thank you.

From Tooru : I'm glad you decided to let yourself be taken care of. I'm glad you chose me :)

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(A/N) : I love this chapter too much honestly. I hope you loved it. I can't wait to write the next one, but it'll have to wait, because I need to find a song that will fit perfectly with what I wanted to do, so it might take me two days to write it. Still, see you on the next one :)