One Shots - Matthew Gray Gubler / Spencer Reid

It's ok if you are not ok (Spencer Reid x Fem!reader)

A/N: I wrote this for Imagining in the margins "Comfort fic challenge" on Tumblr. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Prompt: Character is insecure about a physical attribute

Dialogue prompt: "It's ok if you are not ok"

Warnings: Mention of postpartum depression

Summary: Reader feels ugly and a very bad mom after having their first baby, and Spencer comforts her.  

Word count: 1,8K

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The apartment was oddly quiet that night when Spencer got home after a long day at work. He was currently on a sabbatical from the BAU, teaching a few classes in Georgetown. His wife and newborn baby usually waited for him in the living room. They would welcome him with big smiles. But today, it was different. Their entire place was silent, and there was no sign of his wife or baby.

Automatically, Spencer's brain started working in paranoia, remembering all the BAU cases he had worked on. His instinct told him something was wrong, and he thought the worst in two seconds.

- "Chipmunk?"- he asked and slowly walked inside the apartment. He went for the gun he kept hidden in the kitchen cabinet and slowly made his way down the hall and to the master bedroom. All the lights were out, and the floor creaked slowly as Spencer walked and opened the door. No one was in the room. It didn't look good. He walked to the nursery and found his daughter fast asleep. A deep sigh of relief left his chest as he put away the gun and closed the door on his way out.

- "(Y/N)? Where are you?"- his wife wasn't answering and that was scary. His heart was still beating hard inside his chest, as he made his way into their shared bedroom.

A soft whimper caught his attention, and slowly opened their walk-in closet door. There she was, sitting on the floor, crying against a gigantic pillow, trying not to make a noise.

- "Chipmunk, what happened?"- Spencer didn't waste a minute and quickly kneeled in front of her, wrapping his arms around her, trying to comfort her in any and every way possible.

- "Nothing Spencer, nothing, I'm sorry"- she mumbled and continued crying. Spencer moved her and sat her on his lap, trying to console her. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and made her best effort to stop sobbing, but she couldn't. That broke Spencer's heart.

- "What happened? Are you hurt?"- he whispered and she shook her head.

- "Ma cherie, what is wrong?"

- "I... I can't do this, Spencer."- the young woman sobbed and wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, holding onto him, trying to keep her sanity.

- "What happened, ma cherie? Why are you crying?"- he murmured in her ear and kissed her temple. Spencer rocked her body sweetly and tried to console her. But she seemed to be inconsolable, brokenhearted.

- "I can't... I can't do this. I am not a good mom for Raven, and I look... I look gross! You will never want me again."- (Y/N) simply exploited and continued crying her heart out. And just in time, their baby girl, Raven, started crying as well.

Spencer sighed and kissed his wife's forehead. She moved from his lap and let him go take care of their baby. (Y/N) just hugged her pillow again and tried to put herself together. She didn't want Spencer to see her like that, so weak and pathetic. But she couldn't hold it any longer. It had been weeks of trying to act like everything was ok. It had taken everything in her to look like she didn't feel like dying on the inside. But she did.