I Been Through It All(Book 2)[Editing]

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Ariane P. O. V

"If you don't get cho ass to this table and eat, Caddie, I swear", I warned my two year old.

She doesn't acknowledge my threat, she sits in front of a wall, staring at it. She's been doing this for a few days, she is still angry Chris and I sided with Cassidy.

"I'm nwot hwungry", Caddie grumbles.

I soften, feeling mean mommy disappear. "Baby you haven't eaten in days", I say before crouching beside her.

Cadster looks at the dining room table where Christian, Caster, Cassidy and Chris is sitting eating one of my famous meat pies. Their all sitting at the table cracking jokes, laughing.

"Knock-knock", Cassidy starts.

"Who's there?", Chris asks with a smile.

"Michael", Cassidy grins.

"Michael, who?", Chris asks with a chuckle.

"Michael Jackson say he-he", Cassidy says before laughing.

I don't get the joke neither does Chris, Christian and Caster just laugh because Cassidy is. Soon Chris joins in and so do I , seeing their laughter warms me up inside.Seeing my baby laugh after all these years is enough to keep a smile spread across.                 
 
I turn back to Cadster, the stubborn one, the one who's is just like her father in every way, just mean and evil but, I love her with every thing in me. I love all my children with everything.

"Cadster, please come eat with Mommy, daddy, Christian and your sisters", I try.

Cadster frowns at me, her infamous mean mug taken the frown place after a few moments.

"Shwe nowt ma siswter", Cadster yells.

See, stubborn just like Chris.

Cassidy stops laughing, as does everyone else at the table. Cassidy immediately stands to her feet and runs out the dinning room. I could hear her cries as She ran up the stairs.

Cadster folds her arms, ignoring that she just hurt Cassidy's feelings. Before I could speak Caster did.

"Thwat's nowt nwice", Caster says before standing from her seat.

She walks over to her twin, her frail body looking so delicate. Caster sits in front  of her sister, Cadster already being angry, glared at Caster.

Before Caster could speak another word, Cadster pushed her making her land on her back. Caster soon begin crying, I reacted to the situation quickly. I am at Caster side quickly helping her up, she screams when I try placing my hand on her back.

Cadster sits there emotionless before she witnessed what she's done, she hurt the one who she's protected for years. Getting alarmed quickly, Cadster was at Caster's side, crying.

"I dwidn't mwean to mommy", Cadster cries as I hold Caster close to me.

Caster cries more, I know she isn't hurt by the physical pain but by the emotional. This is the first time Cadster has hit Caster.

Chris who had settled Christian was now at my side. I handed over Caster to him, mean mommy is back. I crouched down to Cadster's height , so I can see her face clearly.

Tears are already covering her face, she wipes at the tears angrily. She's sniffling and has the hiccups. I give her look of distaste, she's so much like Chris. When Chris doesn't like something he reacts with hits.

I point my index finger in Caster's face. "You will never lay another hand on your sister", I yell angrily.

"Don't yell at her Ariane", Chris defends.

"Your protecting her when she just laid hands on my child", I yell at him.

Chris is taken back as am I, why had I said that as if Caddie wasn't mine also. Chris shook his head at me.

"Ariane, Caddie is your child to, don't say some dumb shit like that again",
Chris warned.

I couldn't stop the next words that flew out my mouth.

"She isn't my child, she's yours, she's acting just like YOU", I yell. What the fuck am I saying?

Cadster and Caster looked between Chris and I.

"Go upstairs y'all", Chris says softly to the kids. The kids obey before they run up the stairs, Christian follows after tired.

"What you mean by that shit, you don't want Caddie now?", Chris asks as calm as he could manage.

"If she is going to be disrespecting My children, I don't want her", I say, that wasn't the truth.

My pregnancy with the twins was crucial but, I was so happy when I had them. I did go through a lot because I had one premature and one baby I couldn't watch correctly because my problems with Chris.

I collapsed onto the sofa with my eyes closed. All those lies, I had just said, going around in my head. I wanted Caddie as much as I wanted my other children. How could I say that? I am not the mother I use to be.

"I didn't mean that, Chris", I voiced.

No answer.

It had been quiet for a moment, no sound, nothing to tell me Chris was still standing in front of me. He had walked away from me, given up on me after these years. I can't blame him, I'd give up on myself after hearing what I said.

Suddenly I heard laughter, not a good laughter, a "I've gone mad" laughter.

"Nope", Chris said with a wicked laugh. "Your fucking right, our daughter is turning into the fuck up you've been cursed with. She's going to be just like me, Ariane, and we can't do shit to turn her into something sweet", Chris said angrily as he stood over me.

He pulled me from the sofa in an vile manner, it was so unpleasant to be yanked on in such a manner. The force he used caused me to wince. Chris hadn't cared he hurt me, he showed no concern for any pain I might've felt. I stood in front of him, terrified he'd turn back to the 24 year old Chris; the abusive Chris. If he hits me this time, I'd understand. Somebody needs to hit me for that stupid shit I just said, I hadn't meant any of that. I love Caddie as I love my other three.

"But on the bright side", Chris started, knocking me out my thoughts. I looked him in those Brown eyes finding the sincerity in them as He spoke. "She's still the little fucking baby you carried in your stomach, the infant you held protectively away from me because you had thought I would hurt her. You had kept her safe, loved her and protected her for the little years she's been here you saying that about Caddie is so damn stupid", Chris said angrily.

His words had caused pain, a deep pain that had me bawling, I basically collapsed. I thought Chris would allow me to fall, hit rock bottom but, he didn't. I smelled his cologne and felt those strong arms.

I could tell he has fallen to the floor with me; I heard our bodies hit the floor board.

"Stop, man", Chris says harshly. I cry even harder knowing why he's so harsh, I clutch his t-shirt in my hands as I cry.

He's stiff for a moment before his body relaxes. He holds me in his muscular arms for hours with no words spoken. My tears have stopped and all but I feel as though if I leave his arms; I would need to run back to them for more comfort.

"I didn't mean what I said Chris, I j-just d-d-don't want C-C-Caddie t-to h-hurt s-someone", I had to pause so I could get my hiccups under control. "Her anger could hurt herself or someone else, I don't want that for my baby", I added with tears.

"I want Caddie as much as I want our other children, but, but, Chris I'm scared. You couldn't handle your anger until I came around to help a bit, now, in a few more years we'll have to send her into the world with no one to help her. I feel as though we've failed her", I cry more on the last sentence.

Chris tightens his grip on me making my tears stop. What he does next really helps me realize what I've been missing these years. His kiss that he lays upon my lips is gentle but I could feel the want, the need in it. He's missed me as much as I've missed him, I kiss back with force not wanting him to ever let me leave him again.

He pulls back with a small smile, I look at him weirdly as I pant for air. His smile seems to widen as he has gotten a realization of something.

"You still love me", Chris says. All the things, that happened prior to this, vanishing into thin air.

"I never stopped, even if I wanted to-", I had to pause. I looked him deep in the eyes so he could see the sincerty. "I couldn't", I finish letting out air that I had held in.

"If you never have and you still love me, why leave me for two years?", Chris asks.

No answer.

"Why hold all this shit in like I ain't feel the same way?", he adds looking in my eyes for answers.

No answer.

"I would've kicked Hailee to the curb, you've carried three of my children, accepted one who wasn't even yours. You've stood by my side through physical abuse, rape, verbal abuse, you've stayed with me while I dealt drugs. You were always here Ariane and now you wanna just stop being here, I need you as well as our children do", Chris says with the adoration written over his face.

No answer.

I pull myself up into a sitting position letting every word he's spoken sink in. After what I said, the things I've done; he still wants me. I don't know if I'm ready to he back with this man, look at the shit we've been through, look at how much we have hurt each other. Before I know it I'm out Chris's hold, off the floor and sprinting towards my only escape; the front door.

Feeling like that trapped 24 year old, I run down the streets of L. A with no thoughts of looking back. This life is to hard for me, Chris's life is to hard for me, why did I even get myself into this?

Chris's P. O. V

She up and ran, left without a second glance, didn't even kiss the kids goodbye. She left us, I thought she'd never do that.

I hired a Nanny, KhaLani had recommended for me, I was in no shape to see the kids. Ariane's departure has caused a great hurt in my heart.

It's been weeks, three weeks to be exact, in those weeks Ariane hasn't called. She hasn't told me where she is, if she's fine, if she'll ever come back. I thought laying my heart out would get me back into her's, I was so fucking wrong.

I don't even understand why I'm so fucking heart broken over her. Shouldn't I want to kill Her after hearing the shit she said three weeks back? How could she be scared of Caddie growing up? What's so fucking bad? Caddie won't be like me, I see potential in my daughter, unlike Ariane. I see my baby controlling her anger in the future, challenging her anger until she has the say so in her life.

A sharp knock on my door makes me rise from my king size. I want to ignore but the voice has me captured.

"Daddy", comes Cassidy small squeak;voice.

I sit there froze on the bed, I haven't spoken or seen my children in two weeks, I been caging myself inside my room.

I don't want the kids to see me like this, my anger is on ten. The angermangement classes helped a tab bit years back but I've been starting to find myself now days angry over just about anything.

I don't want to yell at the kids because their mother has pissed me off. I don't wanna let them see me as the big bad monster, they don't need to see that.

Hearing my door rattling, I know Cassidy trying to enter but, the lock door is stopping her. Her, as well as my other three kids, maybe miss me. I hadn't immediately locked myself in the room, I was fine the first week but then I started to get a little cranky so I hired a Nanny.

"Daddy, Aunt KhaLani has put me in school", Cassidy says. "The teacher says I need extra help because I'm not on the same level as my classmates", Cassidy adds.

"The books are hard to read, the teacher says I speak the words fluently but when it's time for me to read the words, I can't do it", Cassidy continues her story.

"Is it because I'm stupid? All the kids say that's why I can't read. They said I'm so pretty but I'm stupid, Daddy", Cassidy says breaking my heart.

My anger rises as I hear her speak. The little kids are talking about her because she's a bit different. At least she can speak right, she's trying to fix her reading problem that's what should matter.

"The teacher said because I'm lacking I'll be put in a special class where I'll be taught differently from others. I could tell she only is moving me because she's mad I can't read like the others, I heard her say that to another teacher, Daddy", Cassidy goes on.

"But the other teacher talks to me real slow like", Cassidy starts again. "How. Are. You. Cassidy, she only does that with me, she talks real nice to the other kids", Cassidy further explains her New teacher.

"My new teacher won't teach me like the others because I'm different, sometimes I watch her when she teaches the others, I understand what she's doing and saying", Cassidy finishes.

It's quiet for a moment, either Cassidy has walked away or she's just thinking of more things to tell me.

"Oh, I almost forgot!", Cassidy says happily. I guess she had to remember more stuff she wanted to tell me "Cadster finally spoke to me, she's mean but she talks to me, we are all getting along, daddy", I can hear the love in her voice as she speaks. She giggles before turning back serious.

"When will mommy come home, Daddy, she's been gone for a longgggggggggg time", Cassidy said.

I climb out of my king sized bed. Walking to the door, I raise my hand ready to grip the knob and tell my child to forgot about Ariane. I don't need Ariane punk faking as my child's mother if she can't stick around.

"I'm already back", A feminine voice, to familiar, said.

I grip the knob fast, it doesn't take long for me to swing my door open. There is Ariane bending down to Cassidy's height hugging her.

It's ironic how she pops up when I'm going to take full custody of my children. When I was in that room for weeks I came to a conclusion. If she loves Cassidy as she says and acts as she does she wouldn't up and leave Cassidy or our other children. Cassidy has already lost her biological, I don't need her loosing a substitute.

Lost in my own thoughts I hadn't heard Ariane speak to Cassidy. Cassidy walked away with a big smile after Ariane spoke to her.

I had the most ugliest glare covering my face, it was directed at one in particular; Ariane.

"Stop looking at me like that, Chris", Ariane breathes. "I-"

Before she can speak any more words, I pull her into the room we once shared, I'm not sure if I still want to share it with a mother like her. Quickly, I close my room door, blocking my words from my kids ears. Ariane has her head down, I can tell she knows she was wrong.

"I'm sorry, I was out of line but that pressure is to much to handle. I just needed a break, a time to come back to the great mother I was years back", Ariane cried. I hate seeing her tears but I also hate hearing my kids cry cause mommy left. I suck up the urge to hold Ariane, tell her it's okay, she didn't only fuck me over she fucked our children over also.

"I haven't been right since we've been apart Chris. These years have been Hell for me, like Hailee said I'm not a great mother, I'm lacking. I was out of my element when I said I didn't want Caddie", Ariane continued. My glare dropped and I actually starred at her with sympathy.She had said this before but it seems as she needs to stress her case more.

"Caddie, as m-our other children, is one of the best things god has blessed me with. Caddie stresses me out but she's one the things a haven't had in a long time, she's family. She's my baby and I could never ever trade my baby for anything, I'll die for my baby. Yesterday I was just scared, just think about the future that awaits her, her anger won't slide with everyone, someone will hurt her, Chris", Ariane finishes crying her eyes out.

Weeks ago Ariane hadn't showed hatred towards Caddie she was showing her fear of what's to come to Caddie. Ariane is 100% right everyone isn't going to let someone with anger issues pass all the time they may try to hurt Caddie because her attitude and her personality. Why didn't I see that weeks before, Ariane doesn't want that for our child.

I pull Ariane into a tight embrace. Hugging her tightly, I accept her tear stained face into my chest. Now that Ariane has brought this light, I'm scared for Caddie to. We can't have Caddie going around hitting people because she's pissed, that'll cause trouble. Even with my New found fears of my daughter's future I mustered enough courage for Ariane.

"Shell be okay, Ariane. She's our daughter, she's strong, smart, She'll make it", I say masking my fear.
Ariane seems to stop crying. She takes her face away from my chest, I stare at her as she watches me. We sit in silence before Ariane speaks.

"On my trip away, I also discovered something", Ariane spoke with a small smile.

I raise a eyebrow, confusingly.

"I still love you, Hell, I'm ready to forgive you, I'm ready to become Mrs. Brown", Ariane speaks with a sparkle in her eyes.

After two years and months of waiting, she finally comes back. After she had made me believe we would be co parents to our children she has surprised me. She has shown me she still wants me as much as I still want her.

I capture her lips fast, missing them entirely to much, four weeks was a long time. She smiles against my lips making me gain more courage in this kiss. I've missed her juicy, plum lips.

This is a New beginning for her and I.