Shape of the Sun

A talk in the park

Manmeet wanted to know.

"Why did you do that? You could have killed him."

"I know."

"You could have been arrested and I..." she paused, her breath hitching in her throat. Rajkumar silently whispered a sorry and handed her the bottle of water that he had bought on the drive here. Manmeet sipped from it, after which she took deep, gentle breaths. 

She spoke up when she was certain she could deliver.

"I wouldn't have been able to do a thing about that."

"Manmeet, please forgive me."

Rajkumar took her into his arms, pleading for forgiveness. There was an ache inside of him and whether it was because of the seclusion of the park, or the silent chill in the air, he didn't know why he felt it so clearly. The ache was settling deeper every second that his lover cried, a punishment for making such a wonderful creature suffer at all.

"Manmeet, I am so sorry." He gently pulled away and caressed her face, wiping her tears with his thumb. Rajkumar dipped to kiss away their trail. His words never changed even after.

"Forgive me. I am so sorry. I'm sorry."

"...Okay." She nodded slowly.

"Oh goodness, thank you. Thank you, honey." he pressed a kiss to her raised belly, "Thank you, RJ."

RJ, short for Rajkumar Jnr. Ever since the ultrasound had revealed that the baby was a boy, Rajkumar had designated it RJ. It was her sixth month in, so he thought that it was okay not to hold back. Manmeet didn't think that it was very creative, but she didn't actually push back.

She smiled at his series of actions while a hand reached to brush lint off his jacket, one of the ensemble that she had gone in to buy at a clothes store while he took a shower at the nearby fitness gym, after leaving the police station. It wasn't too far from this park where Rajkumar had driven to in a bid to douse the tension in the car.

"So, why did you do it?"

Her question was targeted, and Rajkumar knew what it was that she really asked. And he didn't want to lie. Rajkumar was tired of lying. He took the water bottle from her and took a swig, before placing it down to settle on his thigh.

"I had kind of encouraged Choti to get together with Mahesh."

"Kind of?"

"It was mental prodding, that sort of thing. I...I didn't know if I wanted her to say yes or no."

Manmeet glanced at the bottle that he was trying to balance and then back at his face that had a pensive look on.

"She said yes, so you feel guilty?"

"Mmmn. But I don't think I should. I don't think that it's fair that I should."

What she was hearing was shocking, to say the least. 

Manmeet had always thought Rajkumar and Choti were very close, which they could be. The emphasis was on 'could', because sometimes they could be chilly, and other times they could be sunny. They were very, very sunny when it came to Prithvi, their half-brother.

Shared interests. It was like watching a partnership blossom.

Manmeet had questions, but she didn't want to apply full-on pressure. Doing so might scare Rajkumar away, who was well-adjusted to being closed off. She wanted to know more of him, this man that she loved, and all his secrets, not push him away.

And she was right.

Rajkumar was indulging in this because of the way she asked without coming off as judgemental. He was very relieved that he could share a part of such a huge burden with her, but it wasn't worth it if he left feeling worse off than before. Feeling worse off than now was eternal damnation.