Supernatural [Reader Insert]

54. Wind of Change

You were sound asleep when Sam rushed into the room, so much so that all you did was nuzzle into the pillow under your head. Dean sat against the headboard next to you, watching TV.

"You're okay," Sam said in relief, "You're both okay."

"Yeah," Dean said, keeping his voice low to avoid waking you up. "You cut it close, Sammy. Any later and this motel would be charcoal by now," he teased.

Sam shook his head and took the ram's horn out from inside his coat. "The rabbi didn't want to let the ram's horn go." He walked closer and stuck the horn in their duffel bag full of weapons. He looked up at you, trying to read your sleeping face. "She okay?"

Dean shook his head. "I don't know. Would you be?"

Sam sighed and looked down at the bag, frowned, and then ran a hand through his hair. He looked back up at Dean. "What about Jo? Was she... Did it seem like she was in pain?"

Dean's head tilted quickly to the side and then back as he gathered his response, "No, just kind of faded. Regular Jo. Actually, maybe a little happier, right before she disappeared."

Sam nodded appreciatively.

"I got a question," Dean said. "So where the hell did that come from- volunteering to defend her?"

"He was gonna kick us out," Sam shrugged.

"I don't know, man, in another life you might have made a pretty decent scuzzbag." Dean smiled.

Sam laughed. "I'm 0 for 2, Dean."

"Ah, it's not your fault. You were pretty convincing." Dean's smile saddened and he glanced down at his hands, then you. He seemed to shake it off. "I get why Judge Judy put me on trial, I got guilt coming out of my pores. And apparently [Name]'s got a lot weighing on her. But why'd he skip you?"

Sam shook his head and drew in a breath as he thought about Dean's question. "I think I just... don't feel guilty anymore."

"Come on," Dean's reactive response was loud and he glanced at you, but you hadn't moved.

"I mean, I've spent a lot of time feeling pretty crappy- like, my whole life."

"You got a secret stash of happy pills, or what?"

Sam matched his brother's earlier sad smile. "Hell. I'm not saying it's logical, but... I feel like I did a lot of stuff I should have felt bad for and then I paid a lot of dues and came out the other side, you know?"

"And that worked? You really feel like your slate is wiped?" Dean's eyebrow rose skeptically.

"No," Sam sighed, trying to find the right words. "Nothing ever gets wiped, but– I don't know, I guess I finally feel like my past is my past and I can move on with my life. You know, hopefully."

"Easier said than done."

"Not arguing that."

Dean looked his brother over and the corner of his mouth lifted. "Well, I don't know whether to be jealous or weirded out."

"I mean, I don't want to sound lame, but... I kind of feel good, Dean. At least, with myself."

Dean nodded, letting him know he understood.

__________

You woke up later in the morning than you were used to, but you knew you needed the sleep. Apparently they boys had, too, because they hadn't woken you up. You sat up and stretched.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," Sam teased. You found him sitting at the little dining table, his laptop open in front of him.

"Yeah, well..." you tried to smooth your hair down the best you could without seeing it and then gave up. You couldn't formulate a witty response, either, so you left your words hanging in the air.