NEFARIOUS ○ ZHONG CHENLE

○ 4

To understand another person

You must swim in the same waters that drowned them

Honestly speaking, Deiji was unprepared to hear the answer.

Both yes and no have their own drawbacks.

If Deiji did happen to be a burden to her mother it is natural to feel a sense of guilt. It may even answer the reason why their relationship isn't as close as before. Due the hardship she put her mother through. Yet it's not Deiji's fault that she was born. It's her mothers responsibility. But the guilt still remained because it's not like Deiji is of any help to her mother even though she is grown up and more than capable to take on adult-like attributes and behaviour.

But by chance the answer is no and that Deiji wasn't a burden nor a problem . . . then why does her mother treat her this way? She isn't a heavy weight for her mother to deal with so why does she not spend time with Deiji? Was she really neglecting her own child?

Either way, Deiji wouldn't have been satisfied.

And upon hearing her mothers answer she was devastated. This was a common issue in people in general. It's normal to react in our own ways due to our thoughts and behaviour being unique, therefore it's difficult to understand another person. Even if something it is comprehended well, any word that leaves your mouth can be twisted around to create a misunderstanding. 

This was exactly the case that was occurring right now. Joo ri did have a hard time bringing Deiji up yet she loves her so much that she didn't care about all the troubles she faced. 

Sadly, Deiji began to believe that her mother just didn't care about her. Pain accumulated in her heart. So much she felt like it had stopped beating. Dreading her whole existence, Deiji was forced to swallow down her hardened throat that refused to even breathe.

Her two lungs squeezed against each other screaming to set free but refusing. Nerves pulsating and eyes blood red from preventing her tears from falling, she sent a strong daunting glare to her mother.

As soon as Joo ri's softer orbs connected with her daughter's raging demeanour, her calm peaceful aura faded away. Instead she was faced with fear as to what she had done wrong.

"I want to know about my dad!" Deiji demanded with a cold darkened tone that drastically contrasted to the one she used before.

Astound as to what had suddenly taken over her daughter, Joo ri began to worry but she also began to dread as to where this would lead to. She wasn't expecting her to bring this topic up again. It's been awhile since the word dad has come back into this household and Joo ri began to wonder what triggered her daughter's undying curiously to afloat.

It's like no matter how many times she evades it, it comes back with a stronger storm

No matter how badly Joo ri wanted to give in and tell, she knew that it's an unspoken topic to always keep sealed. Orbs wandering everywhere but to her daughter, Joo ri crossed her arms against her chest. She balled up the material of her cardigan in her palms and faced away to not give in. She had to divert the topic. "Your father was one of the best things that happened to me"

Unsatisfied, Deiji stood up from her seated position and bit the side of her cheek in rage. "You always say that! I want to know what happened to him, why he isn't with us, how you both met. I don't even know his name!"

Silent, she felt defenceless. It was so much easier to quieten Deiji when she was a child. But now . . . She is growing up, defiant and disobedient. A normal teenager who has no control over their emotions and believes that they know everything. And their way to act as if they aren't a child but an adult is to raise their voice.

Naturally, it's more difficult to quiet her down now compared to back then.

"Every time, I pass by someone who is old enough to be my dad or looks similar to me, I constantly question whether it is him or not." she choked out, her voice frail like she was too close to the verge of tears. "All I know is that I look like him. And that isn't something you told me but something that I noticed after realising that I don't take after you. You never tell me anything about him"

Biting her bottom lip, Joo ri squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to tell her daughter. She wanted to answer all her queries and speak about the man she still loves. But she couldn't. She knew that it is best to not. "I know you're curious but . . ." sighing, she shook her head. Tightening her fist she began to grow frustrated. No matter how hard Joo ri attempted to remain calm, she couldn't get through to her daughter's mind.

In hopes that this might work she stood her ground, strong and firm. "Deiji. I told you to not bring him up. I can't tell you anything about him yet."

"I'm an 18 year old mum! I'm not a little kid anymore!" her throat felt sore and achy from all the pain and stress she put it through. Not wanting to be there anymore, Deiji spun on her heels and sprinted out of the kitchen, heading to the front door.

Eye widening at her daughter's actions, Joo ri panicky followed behind calling out her name. "Deiji!" sadly, before she could even step out the kitchen, she toppled over the wine glass that stood at the edge of the counter.

Gasping, Joo ri flickered her sight between the direction her daughter ran away and the splinters of glass that spread across the floor. Shaking her head, Joo ri stepped forward towards her daughter but hissed as a pricking sensation digging into her bare feet.

Wincing, Joo ri continued to walk ahead whilst ignoring the pain. She didn't care. What she did care about was the fact that her front door was widely open welcoming the sounds of the heavy downpour of rain.

Breathes wavering, Joo ri clasped her palms together and held them to her chest. "Deiji," she whispered, concerned.