Bombs & Bullets | Cricky [C]

18 | Rings

Devin & Shiloh's wedding rings pictured above ^^^

| Devin's POV |

We had a long day at the studio. Then, once rockstar me was tired enough, I had to switch to dad mode. Not that I mind at all. Ryan and I made dinner when we got home. Right after, I put Bella to bed. He fell asleep in his room. Finally, alone time.

Bella and I share a room. After all, Ryan's apartment is only so big. She has her own bed, at least. I slipped in to grab that letter Shiloh sent, then slipped back out as quiet as possible. The apartment was dark when I sat down on the couch. I only had the moonlight from the window to see, but that was enough.

Snow frosted the glass. Christmas was in two weeks. This... Felt were. I was spending the holidays without my husband. This is so wrong. At this point, I feel like I'm widowed or something. I felt his letter in my cold hands. With a sigh, I finally opened it to read.

Devin, My Sweet Guardian Angel,

I've written this letter over a million times, I swear. Each time, your memory distracts me and I get too scared of losing our history. It was you, though, that once told me, all things worth having take risk and regret. If there is anything worth having in this world, it's you. I love you, Devin, and that is why I did exactly what I did.

I tired so hard to be the perfect, amazing husband. I'd work my ass off, take care of our beautiful daughter, make dinner every night and clean every morning. I supported you through your career, and tried to watch out for everyone, all while balancing a lifestyle with illness. It was a juggling act, and it was bound to fall apart eventually. I lost my job back in April. It had nothing to do with work ethic, they were making cuts. Unfortunately, no one was hiring, and I was forced to take more... Shameful jobs. I did everything I could to keep us afloat without you finding out.

Yes, I went into my father's line of work. I was doing that at night, along with stripping. In the mornings, I was working down at the loading docks. Eventually, it all caught up with me, and I landed myself in some trouble with the wrong people. I had to go into witness protection. It was so last minute, and my timing was horrible.

You have no idea how hard it was to leave you, knowing out last words to each other were less than kind. I wanted to talk to you every minute of every day. There were many times I'd go to pick up the phone, and realize I couldn't. I kept your picture with me the entire time, and your wedding ring from when you threw it at me during our last fight. I've cried so much, and in fact, I'm crying right now. I have never cried this much over anyone else.

I love you, Devin. I love you for the amazing life you have given me. Thanks to you, I have an amazing daughter, an amazing family. You are my everything, and if you're willing to let me back, I hope I'm home for Christmas.

I love you with all my heart, my Angel.
Shiloh <3

I wiped the tears from my eyes. God, how could I be so heartless? The others were right, I should have had more faith. Shiloh just did what he knew best; survived. And, I thought the worst of his leaving. I cheated on him, cursed his name. I'm a terrible excuse for a human being.

With shaky hands, I looked at the little silk bag he sent with the letter. I opened it to find, his wedding ring. So, he has mine, and now I have his. I know what he was trying to say. This was his way of making a promise that he would come back. I now know, he eventually will.

No longer am I mad. I'm worried about my poor baby. Oh, my Angel, what have I done to you? I'm such a moron for betraying you. I should have kept my heart with him. Instead, I wished him bad. I've really fucked up this time.

I just hope he comes home to me, safe. I miss Shiloh and I love him so so much.