Bombs & Bullets | Cricky [C]

59 | Slap

Incase you guys missed the a/n about it, part 58 was privated by WP for smut. You have to be following me to read it. 

| Ricky's POV |

2 Weeks Later

Watching Devin and Shiloh renew their vows on a Hawaii beach was such a beautiful sight. Too bad I had to spend the whole ceremony wanting to hit my fiancee. Chris is having cold feet, I get it. He's mad about me confessing I still love Jani, I know. But Goddamn it, he can at least try to act like he loves me. 

I haven't gotten so much as a kiss lately. The only form of affection he shows me is hatefucking me every other night. That's not real love. It's just sex, and I'm sick of being his fuck toy. I thought I was his best friend, his reason to live and inspiration. He would tell me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him. It lifted me up, made me feel like I had purpose. Now I feel like I'm nothing to him, and if I'm nothing to him, I'm just flat out nothing. 

"Chris." I caught his attention as I walked into the spare bedroom of our house. It was turned into a study/home studio type of deal and he was sat writing of course. "Can we talk?" I quietly asked. 

"About what?" He muttered in a nasty tone. Chris wouldn't even look up at me and it was killing me. 

I had plans to talk all this out. To start from the beginning and reach a beautiful end, but fuck it. I'm done wasting time on this. 

"Do you still love me?" I questioned, which seemed to alarm him. 

Chris huffed as he looked up at me standing in the doorway. "What kind of question is tha-"

"Just answer the damn question." I demanded. "I'm over all the games, Chris. I just want to know if the last five years of my life were a waste or not." 

He stood up, setting his lyric book down on a table in the room. There was a cocky look stuck in his eyes. Chris walked up to me. I attempted to back up but I hit the doorframe. I was trapped like a rat. Having him this close did take away some of my confidence but I was still pissed. He didn't give me a response, let alone the one I was looking for. Instead he just tried to kiss me, but I shoved him back before his lips ever met mine. 

"Not this again! You can't just fuck me every time I bring this up to try to avoid the topic." I snapped at him. 

"Who says can't?" He sneered, leaning in again. 

This time he actually made it to my lips. I'll admit for a split second I kissed him back because I'm so addicted to him. Almost instantly though I shoved him back, much more aggressively this time. Chris fell back against the open door. This time I had had just about enough and I slapped that smug smile off of his face. 

Chris raised his hand to where I had slapped him. He looked at me numbly and said, "Well look who finally grew some balls." 

"Fuck you." I replied bitterly. "Amazing just a month ago I would tell you I love you, but now it's just fuck you. I don't know what happened to you, if there's someone else or something, but you've turned into a real prick." 

"Someone else?" He scoffed. "You think I have someone else? You're the one that kissed Devin. You're calling me the asshole and the cheater? I was nice enough to not bring it up after I found out."

I stared at him with my heart racing. "H-how did you find out?" 

"Devin told Josh, Josh told me. I'm not hearing much of an apology." 

"Don't go there with me! You still won't answer my question, which is making me believe you don't love me anymore. Fuck, maybe you never loved me in the first place!" I yelled. "Why did you even bother purposing?!" 

"Because I do love you! But I don't want to marry you knowing that you wish you were with Jani. What is it that makes me not good enough? Why do you still love him? What, do you want me to start abusing you like he did? Would that make you love me more?" He shouted back at me. 

"I never said I wished I was still with Jani! I just said there's a part of me that still loves him! Just like I know damn well there's a part of you that still loves TJ. That doesn't mean you're ever going to get back with him! It just means..." I paused and took a breath to calm myself down. "It just means that at some point in my life, Jani made me happy. That's what I'm in love with, the memories. But, Chris, with you I don't just love the memories or the past. I actually love you. At least, I thought I did before all of this. Lately, with the way you've been acting, I don't know..." 

"Ricky..." He began to speak but I guess he couldn't find the right words. "I never meant to hurt you like this, but these thoughts have been killing me. I'm scared that when we're at the alter, or when we're having sex or even just cuddling in front of the TV, that you'd rather have Jani there than me."

"No, no. You've got it all wrong." I told him, stepping closer to him. Gently, I placed my hand on his flushed face. "You're the one I love. I want to marry you, I want to have a life with you."

"I'm sorry. I'm just so scared of losing you or that I'm not enough. You're all I have." Chris whispered as he fought his tears. "And, I never want to cry in front of you because I'm supposed to be the strong one in this relationship." 

"Hey, look at me." I softly replied. "Baby, just because you're a top doesn't mean you have to be manly. I mean, look at Devin. He's the most girly top in existence." I joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

He laughed a bit under his breath. "I'm sorry for acting the way I have been."

"I'm sorry too. We're not perfect, but we are worth fighting for when things get tough." I smiled. 

Chris gave me a sweet kiss as he wrapped his arms around me. This felt so right. I know this is the man I was meant for. As we parted, he gave me a playful look as he asked, "So, makeup sex?" 

I snickered. "I would, babe, but I'm feeling a little under the weather. With Mike and December's wedding coming up, I should rest." 

"You definitely need to make that wedding. I want to have the sexiest date in the whole place." He cooed. "Go lay down, baby. I'll bring you some soup." 

"Do I get snuggles too?" 

Chris smiled with a little laugh. "Snuggles too." 

He gave me one more soft kiss. I knew in the back of my mind that this wasn't going to end badly, but of course it scared me. Fights can be healthy from time to time, just to remind us that we want to fight for each other. I love him even more now and I can confidently say I'm so ready to marry this man.