Bombs & Bullets | Cricky [C]

52 | Pancakes

| Ricky's POV |

Chris disappeared on me, so I had no problem doing it to him. I went with the others to the pancake house and didn't tell him I even left. I wasn't a complete asshole and did leave him with the car. Vinny and Ryan let me ride with them. December and Kuza joined us too. At first I was scared that would provoke Chris to join us, but he didn't.

You know the best part of Halloween is, it's the one day of the year that people don't stare at us! At least for the makeup, that is. They still notice two gay couples being overly lovey-dovey with each other. Even if it's partly bigotry, it's also jealously. Kuza and December and Devin and Shiloh have better relationships than the majority of people.

Of course Devin couldn't keep himself off of Shiloh because they rarely get time without their daughter. They weren't together that long when Bella came into the picture. She's been there for the majority of their relationship, yet they still have a healthy marriage. Maybe that's Chris and I's issue... It's not that we need more alone time, we need less of it. You can love someone as much as we do and still need time apart. He's always been a little more willing to have kids than me. I'm scared about raising them on the road and everything. I don't know much anymore... I mean, Bella does fine but she has good parents. What if we're shit parents?

"What'cha thinking about?" Vinny said in a sing-y-song voice, poking me with his fork.

I had gotten too far off in thought and was staring at a barely touched plate of food. "Sorry." I muttered, snapping back to reality.

He was sitting on my right, at the end of the table. December was on my left, Kuza next to him of course. Ryan was at the other end of the table, and Shiloh and Devin were in front of me. I felt someone lightly kick me under the table and I looked straight up at Devin. He was the only one I was close enough with to do that with.

"You okay?" He mouthed to me.

I shrugged because I wasn't sure, to tell you the truth. Was I okay? I don't even know. I wish Chris was here, but at the same time, I don't want to deal with his moodiness.

Without giving it much thought, I realized my plate was moving away from me. Though, my arms were still over my chest. Looking up, I saw Vinny trying to slyly steal my food. He smiled at me like he hadn't done anything bad.

"What?" He questioned once I gave him a dirty look. "You're not eating!"

I sighed. "Go head and take it. It's better than Ryan punching my food."

"Thank youuuu."

I rolled my eyes playfully. Devin gave me that parental glare because I gave away my food without eating any myself. I wasn't hungry. Shiloh had barely touched his food so Devin can't say anything to me! His own husband is boycotting food! It's not a big deal.

"I'm going to kick Chris' ass. Every time he stresses you out, you won't eat." Devin stated.

"What did Chris do this time?" Kuza asked as he leaned in front of December to see me.

"It's nothing important." I muttered.

December looked at me and frowned. "Are you sure?"

I pulled up my hoodie sleeve and turned my arm to him. "He's throwing a fit because of this."

He looked at my arm and saw the tattoo. December gave me a sympathetic smile, lowering his voice as he responded, "I understand it. Jani's death was very hard on me, and it came back up more than I would care to admit. Mike and I got in a few fights about it. The grief was the reason I was drugging and Mike got mad at me when I'd relapse."

"I've gotten over it, but there's a part of me that will always care about him. Jani was the love of my life for half a decade. I'm not going to forget just tragically losing him, but that doesn't mean I can't love Chris." I said.

"It took me forever to understand that." Mike replied. "I can talk to Chris about it if you want."

"Please do." Devin answered for me.

I frowned, "Devin-"

"Ricky, you can't marry a man that doesn't understand your pain of loss. Let Mike talk to him." He insisted.

"Fine." I grumbled.

~~~

It was about 2AM when I got home. Ryan had dropped me off at mine and Chris' house. I was hoping Chris was asleep already, if he is home. When I walked inside quietly, I saw the living room light on. Only a small lamp, but I could see he was awake. Chris quickly stood up when I turned on the kitchen light. 

He ran over to me and hugged me tightly. "Ricky! I was so worried about you!"

"Ch-Chis, I can't breathe." I replied as I tried to wiggle out of his grasp. 

"Sorry, sorry. I just missed you. Where were you?" He asked. 

"I went out to eat with some of the others. You could have just called if you were worried." 

"I did." He said. 

I pulled my phone out and looked at it, seeing three missed calls and seven missed texts. "Oh... I'm sorry. I'm okay."

"I had a feeling you would be, I just... worry. I worry a lot. I'm sorry." 

"It's fine. I'm sorry I wasn't checking my phone. Let's just get to bed." I spoke, starting to walk to the bedroom. 

"Ricky?" He called my name. 

I turned around. "Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry about tonight."

I sighed. "We'll talk about it in the morning." Because I don't want to deal with it right now...