Together Or Nothing

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Things hadn't been looking good at all.

The knife hanging around his neck, almost strangling him.

All Rohit could see was red, red was the color of anger, hatred, passion, danger but all he felt was emptiness.

His palms fisted as he tried focusing on the noise around him.

Breath

Breath

Breath

World cup. Mumbai Indians. T20 captaincy. Retirement.

The knife pressed into his skin and his head spun with the pounding ache in his skull.

"Ro."

Rohit's eyes snapped open as he watched his wife enter the room cautiously. She gently wrapped her hand around his bicep and squeezed it lightly.

Rohit tried smiling, tried getting any word, any sound out of his mouth to let her know that he was okay but he couldn't.

So he stayed quiet.

He stayed quiet when Ritika pulled him up from his seat. He stayed quiet when she walked him into the living room in front of 2 prying eyes.

He stayed quiet when Virat flung himself into his arms and tightened his hold onto him as if his life depended on him.

The knife had stilled as Rohit noticed Virat's presence in the room but when he sensed the tension and an unknown fear vibrating off Virat, as if mechanically he patted his head to assure him in some way.

Virat finally pulled back and the two of them were currently seated in front of each other, Virat's eyes were burning at him, looking for any flicker of emotion on his face.

Rohit cleared his throat before managing to pull a what he thought was a warm and confident smile, "how are you? I thought you were in London for holidays."

"I was."

Virat's answer was curt but vocal enough for Rohit to know that this conversation would end up with one of them screaming their lungs out in frustration.

Virat shifted a little closer in his personal space as he continued his scrutinization of him making Rohit suddenly feel nervous.

"Anushka might feel bad if you continue to stare at me like that. I'm irresistible I know that but you don't have to make it so obvious." Rohit then tried joking his way out.

Humour has always been Rohit's best companion. It got him of the trouble, it made easier to break the ice around people and it most currently helped to hide his true feelings behind the beautiful facade.

But this was Virat and he could see right through him.
He already knew the havoc going inside his head and he was mere seconds away from hitting him in the face.

Virat sighed when he finished his assessment, "I just wanted  you to know that I'm here. You can always talk to me about anything." he explained quietly.

Rohit gulped before lowering his eyes, "I know."

Honestly Rohit didn't know what he felt like, if feelings shitty, guilty, sad and wanting to cry till he no longer can, all at the same time had a specific name, that's exactly what he felt like at that moment.

But he also knew Virat had a lot going on with himself as well. Virat had been carrying the burden of 2019 and now 2023 as well but he seemed to pretend to be okay in front of people then why the fuck could he not do that.

Rohit for the first time felt tired. He had never imagined playing the sport for years, the sport that was engraved in his soul, the sport which gave him everything would be something that he would want to run away from.

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