turned out

11

I woke up the next morning and went into the bathroom.

Once I got in there I undressed and hopped into the shower.

I scrubbed my body as I began to think about all the events that occurred yesterday. I began to cry realizing that my mom was no longer here.

I put all the blame on me even though I knew it wasn't my fault deep down. Just the fact that I said those horrible words to her before she passed stuck with me. And it probably was going to forever stick with me.

When I was done showering I got out the shower and I wrapped my towel around my body and stood at the mirror.

I analyzed myself for a moment then thought about what had happened with Jace last night. I began to question who I really was. I had never been attracted to any dudes. I always liked girls and had been attracted to them. It felt like I was losing my identity.

I felt really weird and didn't wanna come out my room to be honest. But I was hungry so I forced myself to go downstairs and grab something to eat.

As I was eating, Jace came to the dining table and sat down eating his breakfast as well.

"Good mornin'." Jace said as he looked over at me.

"Morning." I mumbled.

I wanted to get away from him. Everything just felt so weird and awkward.

I couldn't make eye contact with him so I just continued eating my food.

I could feel him looking at me but I didn't dare look back.

"How you slept ?" He asked.

"Decent." I responded.

"That's good... that's good." He said as he rubbed his hands together looking at me.

"You plan on doing anything today ?" He asked.

This nigga just kept going with the questions.

"Ion know, I just wanna be left alone right now." I said as I got up tucking my chair in.

"Mane, whatever." Jace said.

I went upstairs in my room and laid down.

I didn't wanna be near him. He didn't do anything wrong but it just made me feel kind of weird being around him knowing we had sex.

I opened my phone and went straight to Instagram and began to watch people's stories. 

It seemed like everybody was so happy while I was going through the worst.

A few moments later Jace walked into my room.

I glanced at him then quickly looked away.

"What's with the fuckin attitude, Sin?" Jace asked.

"Ion got no damn attitude." I mumbled.

"Don't make me have to fix that shit." He said.

"Mane I just don't wanna be fuckin bothered." I said as I raised my voice.

"Who the fuck you gettin' loud with?" Jace said as he came close.

"Nobody bruh.." I responded.

"I ain't yo damn bruh." He responded.

"Dude whatever... what you want?" I asked.

"This my fuckin' house, I ain't gotta seek yo approval in order to come up in this fuckin' room." Jace said.

"I never said you had to nigga, I'd just like some fuckin privacy right now." I replied.

"Who you cussin' at ?" Jace asked.

"Nigga, I'm not tryna argue I'm just sayin." I said.

"Don't get fucked up." Jace said.

I just didn't respond and continued to scroll on my phone.

"Ion know why you acting all weird and shit." Jace continued.

"I'm just going through shit right now man just give me my space." I responded with a slight attitude.

"You know I'm always here if you need to talk. Ian tryna argue with you Sin, I'm just tryna be here for you." He said.

"I understand. But Ion need nobody. I got myself." I said coldly.

"Aight. Just know if you need to talk... I'm always downstairs." Jace said as he walked out the room closing the door behind him.

I just laid on the bed thinking about everything. About how he took my virginity yesterday, about my mom, about Asia, everything.

I started to wonder what I was gonna do with my life now that everybody was gone.

I got under my covers and started to cry my eyes out.

I was tired of going through this and I desperately wanted to see my mother one last time.

I felt alone. I knew Jace was here for me but how was I supposed to look at him as a friend after what we did?

After I finished crying, I dried my eyes and texted Asia again.

I really missed her and it was breaking my heart being away from her.

But then again I had Jace. I didn't know how I felt about him honestly. I tried not to think of him like that even though we had sex.

I tried to erase everything out my mind and pretend it didn't happen but things just continued to be awkward between us.

I decided to go downstairs and talk to Jace.

I saw him sitting in the living room.

"Hey." I said.

"Wassup?" Jace replied.

"Can we pretend it didn't happen?" I asked.

"Pretend what didn't happen ?" Jace asked.

"Good... ion need Nuke or Cory finding out about that shit.. they gone look at me differently. " I said.

"They ain't gone find out shit... they don't needa know about us." Jace said.

"There ain't no damn us, nigga.." I said

I started to get mad cause why the fuck did this nigga keep saying "us".

"Nigga you know what I meant." He replied.

"Can we promise each other something?" I asked.

"What?" Jace answered.

"That we never do that shit again? And just put that shit behind us ?" I asked.

"I promise I won't try to... if you don't try nothing I won't." Jace said.

"Nah I need you to fully promise me bro. " I responded.

"I promise." Jace replied.

"Good." I said.

"We good?" I asked as I attempted to dab Jace off.

"Yea, we straight." He said as he dabbed me off.

For the next few days,  we just pretended things were normal and that it never happened but it was very awkward.