I Want a Child Not a Wife

Chapter 98- The Empty Feeling

The moment I stepped home, I felt like something was missing, I shouldn't be feeling like this, this was what I wanted right? Because it was the right thing to do.

Women are all the same, they'll make you fall in love with them and then they'll abandon you. I don't want my dear Alexandra to go through the same thing I went through. First, my mother left me, and then the second woman in my life I gave my heart to. What was the guarantee that the third woman wouldn't do the same thing? I couldn't risk that.

I didn't want to even find out again, I was better off without her, and so was my daughter.

The first thing I did was go up to my daughter's room. I've missed her the whole day. I just wanted to be near her.

" Welcome sir," The nanny said as she saw me, standing up from where she was seated. I had instructed her to take good care of my daughter, she knew what I was capable of if anything happened to my girl.

" Hi princess," I smiled down at my little princess as I carefully took her out of her crib.

" Did you miss Daddy today? Hmm, Daddy is home now and he's all yours," I took her out of her room to mine. I laid her on my bed as I went into the closet to get changed.

When I came back she had fallen asleep. There were some things concerning work I needed to take care of.

I gently carried Alexandra and headed downstairs. I had asked her nanny to put a crib in my office and serve me dinner there, so I could work and take care of my beautiful daughter.

I kept Alexandra in her crib and then I went to my desk, dinner was already waiting there for me so I quickly ate and got to work. There was a project that I've been working on, it was supposed to be done by next month but the client gave us a notice that they needed it done sooner and since it was one of our biggest clients, we had to give them the best.

My team and I have been working to see to it that we finish it. He gave us his biggest hotel for renovation, my company designed and built the hotel so it was normal that he gave us the job to renovate it.

I went through the report the project manager sent to me and so far so good everything has been going well, I visited the hotel and with how hard they have worked it looked like we were going to be done with the renovation even before time.

I was suddenly distracted by the cry of my princess.

" Hey darling, Daddy is right here," I got up and made my way to her crib. She had her finger stuck in her mouth as she sucked like she was hungry.

" Are you hungry darling? " I asked as I picked her up and then made my way back to my chair. Didn't they feed her? I pay them enough to take good care of her.

I looked through her baby bag and brought out her food then I shook it to mix well making sure that the temperature was okay for a baby to suck. I put the baby feeder in her mouth, and she stopped crying and then started sucking but then she started crying again and when I put the feeder in her mouth she wouldn't take it, she just kept crying.

" My love Daddy is here okay, there's nothing to worry about," I cooed as I shook her from side to side in my arms.

She didn't stop crying, I got up and started walking with her in my arms, I was worried she would get a headache from crying. I tried all the baby songs I knew but she didn't stop.

I had to call the nanny.

I called the nanny and in no time she came to my office.

" I don't know why she keeps crying but I've been trying all I can to make her stop," I said as I handed Alexandra to the nanny, and to my surprise she stopped crying.

" How did you do that?" I asked in surprise.

" Well, sir it's like the senses in babies know when they're in the arms of a woman, you know women are soft and all so babies like soft feeling," She said, and without meaning to my mind thought of Jane. I quickly dismissed the thought, that Alexandra was fine without her.

" Just take care of her and make sure she doesn't cry, I hate when she cries,"

Her nanny took her out to take care of her while I focused back on my work or rather I tried to focus on my work.

I've tried to tell myself several times that Jane was not needed, why was my head messing with me?

*****

It's been days and I've refused to leave this room, I couldn't bring myself to eat.

Hardin had been so patient with me, he was there for me when I didn't act like myself, I wouldn't even bother eating if he wasn't there to force me. I didn't mean to bother him but I just felt like I needed someone I could rely on at this point of my life.

As much as I tried so much not to think of Alexandra I couldn't, my chest was a painful reminder, it was full of milk yet I didn't have my baby girl to feed her. How was she doing? Were they taking care of her? Did she miss me? I just felt so lost and alone.

" Jane," I heard Hardin knock outside my door but I couldn't bring myself to answer.

" I know you're in there and I just want you to know that whatever you're going through is going to be okay, it might not look like it but I want you to know that at the right time, things would fall into place but you have to take care of yourself," He was my emotional support at the moment and I thank him but I wasn't feeling like it.

I wanted to see my daughter, I had to, or else I was going to go crazy.