Kidnapped By Johnnie and Jake

Reconciliation

Afterwards, he got up. We were both breathless. Now, my hormones were fading back to normal, and the reality of what had just happened began to dawn on me.

I had been so controlled by sexual impulse that I had let a man waterboard me, and then fuck me.

I stared at Johnnie; he was lighting a cigarette without looking at me. I despised him. How could I let him treat me like this?! I had to gain some control over myself. I was an animal, almost as much as he was.

"You're sick," I snapped.

He turned to face me. "You liked it."

"If you want a submissive robot, go and find someone like Kaycee! Because I'm done!" I yelled. I stood up, with my legs feeling like jelly, and my nether region aching, and stormed over to the door.

As I was about to open it, Johnnie grabbed me by the shoulder. "Don't you dare leave this fucking room."

I faced him again. "Why?! You've had your fun."

"You're forgetting who the kidnapper is, and who's kidnapped."

"Yeah, I am forgetting. Because I don't fucking care. As you said, I'm not some little bitch," I said, trying to grab the doorknob.

Johnnie snatched my wrist and dragged me over to the bed again. "You'll fucking stay here until I tell you you can leave. I've let you get away with way too much. You don't have any control. I control you."

"Johnnie, what's happened to you?! Please...just snap out of this!" I begged.

"I told you what happened. I'm setting boundaries," he said as he attached a handcuff to the bed, and then to my wrist.

"What the fuck, Johnnie?! You don't need to do this!"

"Really? You just tried to leave, Brooke."

Suddenly, I screamed. It was the only thing I could think of as a last resort. Hopefully someone, maybe Sam or Colby, would come and help Johnnie be rational again.

But before I had time to scream for longer than a second, Johnnie grasped his strong, white hand over my mouth to shut me up. I mumbled against it, but then, with his other hand, he tied a cloth around my head, so that it was in my mouth, and I was unable to talk.

"You're gonna learn from this," he said. "Have a good sleep."

*

Yep, he really left me like that for the whole night. He slept soundly beside me, while I suffered an uncomfortable night with a handcuff around my wrist and a rag in my mouth. It also didn't help that my mind was racing with the memories of being waterboarded. It made me shiver. How could someone be so sadistic? Being in the presence of him made me on edge. The world was so cruel. It made me feel depressed about the state of the world, knowing that people like him existed.

In the morning, he left me there when he went to the bathroom and down to the kitchen. Then, he returned to the bedroom.

I glared at him, burning with anger, as he approached me. He undid the cloth from my face, and unlocked the handcuff. Then, he sat gently on the bed beside me, and handed me a glass of water and a bowl of sliced mango. "Are you going to behave now?"

I didn't reply to him at all. He had traumatised me. I stared at him in disbelief. How was he acting as if this was all okay?

"Answer me."

"Yes," I mumbled, and it was true. His fucked up method had really worked. I wasn't going to disobey him—I was too scared. I didn't want to anger him like that ever again.

He stared at me for a moment, and then sighed. He moved closer to me and put his arm around me gently, pulling me into his chest. "I'm sorry," he said.

But it wasn't okay. All I wanted was family. I wanted to be safe. I wanted to be taken care of by people who would never hurt me. My whole life felt so cold. I had no one who I could consider as 'safety' to me, not even myself. As I thought about this, my eyes began to tear up, and before I knew it, I was crying aloud.

Johnnie hugged me tighter when he heard my sobs. "It's okay," he comforted. "What do you want to do? How can I make you happy today?"

I held onto his arm so tightly as I cried. "Just stay like this," I managed to say through sobs.

*

I had meant it in multiple ways. I wanted him to stay like that, as in, stay being the sweet Johnnie, the one who took care of me, not the one who lashed out and hurt me. But I also wanted him to physically stay there like that, holding me, with me, not letting me go. My new life was just so full of danger and hate...I felt as though craved physical affection, and constant protection. It was as if my trauma had rewired my brain, and made me feel afraid of being left alone for even a minute. Maybe it was just so that my depressing thoughts wouldn't run wild on their own, or maybe it was due to all the dangers I'd experienced. The kidnappings, the shootings...

But, anyway, Johnnie did as I asked. He stayed there in the bedroom with me basically the whole day, holding me, comforting me. I slept for a lot of it, since I had hardly slept that night due to the uncomfortable handcuffs and cloth.

We talked a bit about my past, and his past, but we didn't mention the future. I think it was because neither of us knew what that held. We could be killed by a rival gang in a day, a week, a month...our lives were never guaranteed.

*

The following day, I felt calmer, with the waterboarding situation now two nights in the past. Of course, I visited Tara in the basement, feeling extremely guilty that I'd left her for such a long time. I didn't mention what had happened with Johnnie. To be honest, I didn't want to relive the situation. I'd only just managed to forget about it enough to move on, so I didn't want to bring back the memory.

I actually felt calm enough to decide to go and join everyone in the lounge room. Tara and I both headed upstairs, after I'd convinced her to have a shower, put on some cute clothes, and try and get Jake's attention.

As the both of us were about to head into the lounge, I heard conversation coming from the kitchen. The conversation included Johnnie's voice.

I told Tara to head on into the lounge, and not to wait up for me. I said I was going to go and grab a drink from the kitchen, but once she left, I just stood outside the kitchen door, and listened.