365 letters

Letter 50

dear landon,

that night we had dinner which was a total disaster to say the least.

We had taken a taxi to the restaurant Mrs.Ramos had told us to make our way too. We had gotten there at 7:48 and by the time we made our way inside it was 8:05. Keep in mind that Chelsea wore a long dress and tripped and pushed Lance into a puddle of mud when he laughed. It was raining that night, something that wasn't common in Spain.

We had to wait for Lance to take off the jacket part of the suite he wore so he wouldn't appear dirty at a posh resturaunt. And Chelsea stated how her hair looked horrible from chasing Lance around. So thus is why after Chelsea let her hair down from her up do (it looked better this way but she said she looked like a lion) she stated that we had to enter in pairs. She took the opportunity to say that Landon and I looked perfect since we hadn't ruined out appearance and made us enter together. I knew better than to think this wasn't a plan all along. She knew how to walk in 5 inch heels while wearing a dress with a tail so why was she tripping with 2 inch heels while the dress was slightly above her foot.

Lance and I stood hand in arm while I held on to him with a loosened grip onto his arm. Chelsea and Lance stood far apart as the each went in with the server.

"Reservations under Mrs.Ramos," Landon stated simply not looking affected by my touch considering he currently hated me.

"I'm sorry sir, it seems that everyone has arrived," The Spanish man stated with a Brazilian accent stating that he had recently moved here.

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone under that name has arrived."

"That can be true, can you call the woman who's name it's under?" Landon shifted slightly.

"I'm sorry to inform you that once all people have arrived we cannot interrupt their dinner. They have a private room in which only the top chefs can enter."

"You cannot tell me tha-"

"Oh guys I forgot to tell you, I emailed Mrs.Ramos earlier to inform her that you would prefer to be able to have dinner on your own. The reservations are under Lare sir," Chelsea smiled politely while she appeared, "Now if you excuse me, where's your bathroom?"

"Down there mam," the host pointed to what seemed a random corner.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience sir, please forgive me. Your table will be right this way," he told us while we followed him into a table for two in the middle. I let go of Landon right away as we approached the table awkwardly sitting down as the host waited but ready to glare at Chelsea.

"Your waiter will be right with you."

I looked towards the center where the menu was for the alcoholic beverages and deserts noticing a piece of paper. Graving it I opened it and read it.

I'm laughing right now, I'm pretty sure Clare is reading this right now. If it's not then Landon fuck off and look under your table cloth. Now Clare, how do I know it's most likely you reading this? Your trying to avoid looking at Landon so your finding an excuse to not talk. And your very observant may I add. Sorry to break it to you but it's only going to get worse. You have been friends for so long but just because of a stupid feeling you both share you can't communicate. Don't lie Clare I know you feel it within you. I can tell the way your always on your phone reading random stories on a thing called wattpad you say. You smile at your phone and look up for him and smile even more. He has it. Your heart. So go get it back if you still want to continue to claim he doesn't have it, but make sure that you don't keep his with you. The last sentence is a lie. You can't get it back, it's all downhill from here, it's a thing called love. He has your heart, just admit it. Maybe not to him, but to yourself. I'm probably hiding from you at the moment but trust me that I'm watching. And I also bet Landon is randomly looking around so tell him to look under his tablecloth. Don't run from him, talk to him. And admit it.

I looked up and sure enough Landon was staring up at the lights like it was so interesting. He was avoiding me.

"Look under your table cloth," I whispered. Surprised filled his expression as his eyes looked immediately towards mine.

"W-what?" He said correctly the second time clearing his throat.

"Look under your table cloth," I repeated. Sure enough when he did a paper sat there.

Looking through it he read until he looked up again, "Clarissa," I cringed.

"Sorry, Clare I, if you didn't feel the same why did you avoid me and not just tell me?"

just admit it.
maybe not to him,
but to yourself.

"I'm sorry. It was never my intention to lead you on when I didn't feel that way," I lied.

"Clare I care about you, your my best friend I'll always be there for you. I understand rejection but I don't understand not facing things. If that even makes sense. I don't want things to be awkward between us. I'll get over it, and I don't want you to feel guilty," he said holding my hands in his.

"I care about you too, and I'm really sorry. You'll find someone better," I spoke only meaning the last part. A part of me wanted for him to not find anyone, the selfish part of me that wasn't ready to admit anything perked up.

That was all it took for dinner to work out for us. We ate after we laughed it off although my laugh wasn't really happy. We ordered and it was paid for with the money Mrs.Ramos had set aside from what was ours. I couldn't admit it to him, but I did what Chelsea said to do, admit it to myself. I liked Landon but only I could know.

i am sorry i couldn't tell you.

-clare