Heartstopper

Charlie's essay

Everyone ( just me ) asked for it , so here is the essay that got Charlie in most of the colleges.

TW: Talk about depressions!

As I was younger, my mother liked to call my desperation a monster haunting me. I liked it at that age. Monsters are something you can get rid of. Monsters are something your parents can protect you from.

As I grew older, however, I started to feel insecure about it. The depression was a part of mine, so am I a monster ? It did bother me a lot and brought me to self harm. My older sister then found me , sobbing historically in our bathroom. She explained it to
Me differently. Yes , the depression was a part of me. It I wasn't a monster. It was a bad part like an intruder but nothing I needed to be ashamed of or needed to fear.

I like this at first too. An intruder. Something you could get rid off like in a operation but as I thought about it I learned this all didn't make sense. Maybe it was because I grew and realized I didn't get rid off it. It was still there. The first day and the 4023 and I felt betrayed because everyone had told me it would go away and it didn't. How could they lie about such a thing ? How could they tell me it will be better if it won't be? I remember this weeks like the back of my hand. The madness and hurt in my heart almost poisoned me. I screamed at them all and I tried to hurt them.

However as I thought about it, I realized they didn't try to hurt me. They did it to feel better about themself . They wanted me to be better , so they could imagine weeks in their future, in which they would be happy without interruption .

So I tried to keep it in me . I didn't told anyone about it until I met Nick. Nick was everything for me.
I still can't believe that he and I are in a relationship. First I didn't wanted to tell him any of my bad thoughts , thinking I would drag him down like I did with my family. However Nick used his kindness and love to get me to talk to him and before I knew, I was once again bailing my eyes out in a bathroom.
I remember him starring at me and I thought:
Wow Charlie, you've really fuck up everything.
But then Nick started to move , he sit down beside me, wrapping his arms around me and talked. I waited the next weeks and still sometimes wait for him to get annoyed of it. For me to drag him down but he simply doesn't. He just loves and loves and is happy. I didn't knew I needed it until I got it and now that I got it, I don't want to let go ever again,

So I guess I learned something. My depression is indeed a part of me. It's nothing you can get rid of. It gets better and it gets worse but it's nothing, which I need m to be ashamed of. No it's like an annoying person in school. It's not my fault and it's not my fault if others can't stay around me because there are people, who can.
There's Nick.

Hey, my dearest readers. I hope you're all alright and doing good! Have a good day!