Fallen Angels

Chapter 30

Getting up at 6am was exetremely differcult as I felt like sleeping all day long. I was still on the couch from the night before as I didn't plan walking back to the bedroom anytime soon during the night. I chucked the blanket off me and onto Luke's sleeping body and went to our bedroom. I brush my teeth quickly and put the bath on before walking to Angel as I heard her shuffling through the cot. I leaned over and saw her big blue eyes staring at me. I smiled and picked her up earning a noise of some sort. I took her to the bathroom and onto the bench softly and took off her nappy and little night suit. I turned off the bath and realised it was warm enough for the both of us. I quickly took my clothes off and held Angel as I got in the bath. I realised that if I had a bath around 6am Angel wouldn't be hungry just yet and that she wouldn't take a number two in the bath. I put some bubbles and bath toys in for Angel. I kepted Angel in my crossed legs with my hands on both sides of her ribs to ressure myself she wasn't going to drown even though there wasn't much water in the bath. I smiled as I saw Angel grabbing the momma duck toy and try eat her head off. I turned Angel around so she was facing me and leaning on the bath wall making my back arch. I laughed as she gave me his dopey looking face as she tried to chew the shit out of the duck. I was looking at her in amaze, she was so.. I don't know intelligent at only a few months? She was growing bigger and bigger by day but still being my beautiful baby. I stayed in the bath for at least 10 minutes with Angel as I giggled and hugged her into my small chest.

I got Angel into a nappy and a cute pink and blue suit and pink beanie as I formula fed her. After she was done I decided to put her in a baby seat little play thing as I got my outfit and put it on the bed. Light blue demin jeans, a white tank top, grey cardigan and a pair of cheap vollys. As I put my bra and underwear on I realised something on the back of my shoulder and then on my lower back and ribs. I looked into the bathroom mirror and started silently crying as I realised they were my cancer bruises..

My cancers back.

Angel started crying and I mentally snapped out of it and grabbed her and rocked her.

"Shhhh it's okay.. It's okay.."

I whispered as she stopped crying I put her on my bed inbetween two big pillows as I quickly put my clothes on before Luke sees. I can't let him know.. It will break his heart and I just can't do that to him now or ever. When I was done I decided not to wear makeup as I grabbed my handbag and baby bag as well as the baby and walked down the hallway. I grabbed an apple and kissed Luke on the forehead before opening the front door and locking it behind me. I walked to the garage and unlocked the car to put my handbag in the passenger seat and then place my very figity Angel into the booster seat. I put her seat belt on and shut the door and jog to the drivers seat and start the car putting the baby bag next to me.

In 15 minutes I was at my doctors and was waiting in the waiting room.

"Hope?"

My head jumped up to see Dr Mel standing in front of me. I stood up and gave her a half hug as I had Angel in the other arm.

"It's good seeing you again Hope and who is this adorable girl."

Mel said smiling at Angel as she touched her little hand.

"You to and this little girl is Angel."

I smiled as she said that she is as beautiful as her name. Mel lead me to her office even though I already knew where it was.

"So how have you been? You results are amazing -"

"It's back."

I stated looking from Angel laying in my arms with her dummy and stuffed toy elegant. I looked up to see her shocked. I signed.

"I have three bruises and I have only seen them this morning after having a bath with Angel."

Mel looked at me with so much guilt.

"It must have gotten stronger either when you were heavily pregnant or after you gave birth."

I looked at her scared.

"Does that mean I could have given Angel my cancer?"

Mel looked thoughtly at me.

"I would have thought that it was after you gave birth because I think you would have noticed bruising sooner."

I signed and threw my head back.

"Why does this seem to be this cycle of loving life to cancer stuffing it up for me?"

Mel put her hand on my shoulder.

"It just seems that you have a very off balanced cycle and for that I am exetremely sorry."

I looked at her as I held Angel closer to my chest.

"I cannot tell Luke, It will destroy him."