I Don't Love You [[GERARD WAY FANFIC]]

Me, Myself, And I: How To Drive Yourself Crazy

-Anastasia's POV-

Tears still sting my cheeks as I watched the man walk away into the darkness of the warehouse.

It isn't true.

I was trying to convince myself now.

I don't love them. That's...sick... I can't love them.

The fact that i had to convince myself that I didn't love TWO people made me even more upset. How could I have let not one, but fucking TWO psychopaths kiss me. The worse part was that I let them. I had let the people who had kidnapped and tortured me kiss me. I shut my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall.

I didn't have feelings for them...

I didn't...

I didn't...

*cough* LIAR *cough* My subconscious decided to join at the exact moment I was having an emotional breakdown.

NO IM NOT TALKING TO YOU! THE LAST TIME I LET YOU IN, I HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN AND GOT RE-FUCKING-KIDNAPPED! SO FUCK YOU!

Yeah I don't think you understand how this whole "subconscious" thing. I am you. I'm the feelings would won't admit to yourself. Like...

NOPE

SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP

You do realize that you're in denial right? That's why I have to interrupt so often. I'm trying to let you realize the TRUTH.

OH YEAH SMART ONE? WHAT THE HELL IS THE TRUTH THEN?

YOU FEEL FOR THEM ANASTASIA BRIAR!

As soon as that thought echoed through my mind, I began sobbing.

"No, no, NO!" I didn't realize I was speaking out loud.

No? Do I really have to explain this to you? I mean really, I AM you! You're attracted to their mystery Anastasia! You know that deep down somewhere, there's a part of them that isn't blackened with hate and violence, and YOU want to see if you can find that part of them!

"No! NO!" I began screaming through my sobs. "THEY'VE MADE ME MISERABLE! GERARD CARVED HIS FUCKING INITIAL INTO MY STOMACH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" I choked out.

Yeah that was bit...ahem...harsh, but hey I am still you, and YOU still love him-

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?" I yelled as if my subconscious were a separate person. The anger and sadness were blinding me. I needed and explanation. I hated myself for even having to debate if I had feelings for these men.

I felt pathetic.

Well YOURE the one yelling, but I said that you love them. Yeah they're terrible people, but we actually happen to believe there's some sort of good in them.

"YOU CANT LOVE TWO PEOPLE!" I coughed out, my sobs stinging my side.

The way they kissed you...

"ITS SICK!" I spat between sobs.

You're intrigued...

I just kept crying. I didn't feel good at all. My side was pounding with pain, and my head felt like someone had bashed it with a hammer.

So there I was.

Kidnapped (again).

Fighting my own emotions.