Banding || afi

Chapter 30: Scars

I jerk my head up, my knees holding up my weight while they cradle Ashtons torso.

"You did not..." I startle to lowly cackle.

"Oh but I did." Ashton dimpled.

"So you're telling me... You actually joined a band called Swallow The Goldfish?" I beamed with a raised eyebrow.

After the whole make out incident, I decided to light a vanilla scented candle, and someway somehow we began to unquestionably talk about anything and everything.

Cuddled up in Ashs embrace made my stomachs do flips.

"Yes! Now it's your turn!" He pinched my cheeks.

I swatted his hairy hands away from me and tapped my index finger onto my chin.

"Oh! When I was visiting my grandma in Guatemala, she had baby chicks, so I thought it was pretty smart to grab them and make them swim in her well. Yeah... They didn't swim at all..." I smile innocently.

"You killer!" Ashton dramatically gasps.

"I was five! I didn't know any better!" I fought.

Ashton only giggled.

Our laughing died down after a few minutes.

I lined my hands to Ashtons and stared.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice soothing.

"Mhm" I nod my head yes.

"What caused you to be so insecure?" He looked me directly in the eyes.

I frowned at his question.

"In fourth grade... I started to get bullied and teased about my looks, weight, just everything there was to me. It wasn't until seventh grade that I started to self harm. Eighth is the year I got seriously depressed. I don't know... It seems that whenever something good happens to me, something always has to go wrong. I would want to cry everyday because I wasn't happy."

My head tilts back and I dig my fingers in my hair, pulling at my thick messy curls.

I let out a frustrated groan.

"I don't know- Maybe I was just a little crybaby. I-I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone and just completely worthless. I would believe that no one liked me and thought of me as a second choice. I-I would ask myself at least once a day, What was my purpose on this earth?!" My breathing started to get uncontrollable and I fumbled with my words.

"Riley stop-"

"A-A-and I would rush to my room, thinking to myself if it was really worth it." I started to hiccup.

Ashton flipped us over and showed me his wrists.

I focused on the dried up scars on his arms and I quickly regained control.

"Why?" I asked, tugging at them both.

"I was the same as you. I struggled with a lot in my past. You aren't the only one. If it weren't for the fans... I wouldn't be here, with you, right now." A sympathetic smile took over his worried features.

Wiping tears that I hadn't known I let slipped out, he rests his body beside me again.

Ashton takes off the only piece of clothing I had on (besides my bra and underwear) and dragged his fingers along my still noticeable slashes.

Bringing both my arms to his face, Ashton kisses each and every mark.

Goosebumps arise along my whole body as my face starts to heat up.

Going on top of him again, he tosses the slightly oversized flannel out of my reach.

"I like you better this way." Ashton brushes my hair with his fingers.

I rest my chin on his chest, admiring every possible detail.

His lips land in the middle of my forehead and I close my eyes enjoying this moment.

"Ashton?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you more" He circles his thumbs in the middle of my back.