Banding || afi

Chapter 32: Pain.

Warning: This chapter will have some triggering events so I advise that you read at your own risk. Please don't read if you are feeling bad. Please.

I love you, enjoy <3

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I never had much experience with love.

Frankly, I had never told the opposite gender that I loved him, other than my dad or brother.

Who would have thought?

Me

Out of all the people in the world, I would fall deeply in love with a man who I had thought loved me back... Even more if that was possible.

Love.

Such a short but meaningful word. Used to express a strong feeling towards another.

It was as if everything revolving around me, the beer, the celebrities, the loud music, it was like everything had slowed down... The tension when locking eyes with Ashton had risin, once Bryana had noticed me.

An innocent act she was playing.

A hidden smirk is plastered on her lips. Digging her head full of long blonde hair on Ashtons chest, she rubs up and down his forearm.

She won. It's all over.

What I had wanted to do, was stomp over to her and Ashton to give the both of them a piece of my mind. But, my body wouldn't move, and it was like I would collapse at any given moment.

Stumbling backwards, I bolt from the scene.

It felt like an anchor was resting on my chest and its not letting me inhale any air.

It felt as if I was running for years, but only in reality, it has been 3 seconds..

"Riley!" I hear him yell from behind me.

I just know he is going to catch up to me.

"Riley! Please! Stop! I beg of you!" I hear him out of breath.

But I don't stop, I keep running like my life was on the line.

Two strong arms pull me back and I'm engulfed in Ashtons embrace.

"No!" I push him roughly away from me, while I hit the ground.

"Okay." He holds up his hands in defence. "Riley... I know what you may be thinking... But-it was management! Yeah! They forced me Riley." Ashton steps closer to me but I crawl away backwards.

"Rile-"

"No." I interrupt him.

"You do not! Get to fucking speak." I try to calm myself down.

"You son of a bitch." I breathe.

His eyes water.

"So it meant nothing to you. Every little thing that I shared with you. That we shared together! It was absolute bullshit! All those nice things you said, the things where you said you love me, where you said that you care about me and that we will get through anything together... It meant nothing to you." A single tear fell from the middle of my right eye.

"Why?" My body shook. My heart breaking like never before.

"Was it because she's skinny? Was it because she has a bigger butt and bigger boobs? Or was it because she would actually have sex with you and she is not a sad story. She's not broken and she doesn't need anyone taking care of her. Is it because she's perfect? Something that I'm not and will never be?" I look at him dead in the eyes. Awaiting an answer.

"Answer me!" I scream at him. Causing more tears to slide down my face.

"I loved you." His head snaps up.

"Loved. But it is obviously clear to me that you don't love me and all that 'i love you' shit, was an act. You felt bad for a piece of crap like me. Well... I'll get out of your way. Forever." and like that, I get up, dust myself off, and walk to the car.

"N-no no no" Ashton pulled me back to him.

"Riley. Please. I love you." His voice doesn't have a trace of happy.

"Well I don't!" I scream coldly at him.

"I hate you. I hate you so m-much. Get out of my life. I never want to see you... ever!" I hiccup and run inside the still waiting SUV.

"Home please." I sniffle, watching the door close in Ashtons face while I speed away.

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I kick off my black All Stars, and run inside my room.

Turning on the light, I am greeted with a whole wall filled with me and Ashton.

"You fucking liar!" I cry and tear the pieces of paper to shreds.

Pain.

Pain that I could not feel physically was the worst kind.

I'm so emotionally hurt and I can't help but think badly.

I stumble inside the bathroom, searching for an all too familiar tool.

"C'mon!" I groan, messing up all the organized utensils in the bathroom.

Blade, Blade, Blade

Repeated in my head until I had my hands on one.

Even more tears slipped down my puffy cheeks.

Looking at the mirror, I smirked.

I'll never see your ugly face again.
I glide the silver rectangle over both my arms, causing my arms to be a bloody mess.

I toss the blade into the garbage can.

Suddenly, the room began to spin and I felt like I was going to faint.
I open the side window and grab the Aspirin.

Throwing the cap to the side, I pour about 10 pills in my hands, a couple falling to the ground.

"Riley" A familiar voice booms through the bathroom.