Sweet Damnation (Richonne Lemon One-Shots)

Musings Of Michonne

A/N: Part II of the previous chapter

Rated PG

Song: Alicia Keys/Diary

I won't tell your secrets...

Your secrets are safe with me...I

will keep your secrets...

Just think of me as the pages in your diary...

Initially, I pretended to be surprised when Rick asked me to stay with him and honestly I just wasn't sure it was a good idea so I turned him down flat. I had my reasons, the main one being, I wanted him to finally have some peace and solitude. It's possible in that large house he'd have a private space of his own so he'd have a little time to reflect. That was important for Rick. I had watched him climb the brink of insanity after he'd lost so many people he felt responsible for.

I recognized it because I'd found myself on that very dangerous threshold when I lost Andre. The weight of his death lay heavy on my heart, it haunted my mind, hell it consumed my very soul. Every mother wants to watch their child grow old and have a family of their own. Knowing that would never happen for me was almost too much to handle. It was the worst at night because I'd dream of my sweet little Andre. But my dreams always turned to nightmares, images of people dying, the blood, the sounds of agony, gunshots. I can hear my sweet little boy crying for me. I had that nightmare, night after night until the nightmare spat on my face, and I woke up in a cold sweat. Needless to say, I'd become lost in my own insanity. I'd isolated myself and became someone I no longer knew, I refused any chances of human contact for months.

That was until the day I met Andrea.

Rick and Carl asked me about my time with Andrea during our time at the prison. I immediately recall the very moment I saw her and was eager to share my experiences with her, it served as bonding with the group, and through her an instant connection with them. I told them how I witnessed her being accidentally left behind by the group, valiantly trying to escape the herd that had quickly surrounded her. I saved her that day and she saved me. Andrea gave me a purpose again, I was no longer just surviving, and through her, I was led to them. I knew the moment I laid eyes on Rick's befuddled face, I was no longer alone. He took my offering and let me in. I was no longer tangled and knotted to my pain and suffering. That day was the beginning of me picking up the pieces I'd lost the day my son died. I still have a long way to go but since I've started writing again, I know it's possible. To some extent, I felt secure behind the walls of Alexandria; and that's saying a lot. It's been a long time since I actually slept through the night. I know the same can be said for Rick. Sleeping in shifts becomes instinct, it was what you had to do out there. No matter where we were, in the woods, in an abandoned building, barn or house, Rick always ended up between Carl and me. Even when we arrived in Alexandria and the whole group slept in the living room, we always slept that way.

So, of course, Rick was adamant that I stay with him. He had no qualms fully disclosing his reasons. His exacted words will forever remain permanently etched in my mind.

"I need you Michonne."

His voice was like silk thread that wrapped around me, pulling me. Those four words explained it all and at that moment, I quickly realized I was his serenity. I was literally the only thing standing between him and the cliff. He's still broken and the only calm to his mind is me.

"Sasha invited me to stay with her, Tara and Noah," I told him in all honesty, only smiling at him with my eyes. That happens often with us. It's not really much to smile about these days, but when I'm near him I feel a happiness that I thought I'd never feel again. My stomach gets that roller-coaster sensation because I know that's how I make him feel too.

"Tell them you're staying with me." He said with that gleam in his eyes, I can't explain why, but when he looks at me like that my heart beats faster. Delighted is not a strong enough word to describe how I was feeling. I was still unsure and in my nervousness, I began pacing back and forth on the porch.

"Come on Michonne." He says, with his hand on his waist. When his brow crinkled I knew he was truly worried that I'd say no. But I had to say yes, Rick's stability is resting on my shoulders. Still, this is a substantial burden for me.

"I'll stay on one condition," I say, nearing him again. He'll need to start his healing process along with me.

"Name it." He replied before I could take my next breath.

"I want you to start writing in a diary at least once a week."

"A diary?" His eyebrow raised with curiosity.

"Yep, I have one too, it's therapeutic."

"If that'll get you to stay- then I'll do it."

The first few days were surreal. I had a whole room and bed to myself, Rick had his and Judith and Carl had theirs. I cooked, cleaned, and worked my appointed job. I wasn't sure if this was what I wanted, but it all seemed nice. Rick and I had a few awkward moments in the beginning. I'd catch the handsome, southern, gentlemen admiring my breast and ass on several occasions. Most of the time he tried to hide it, quickly looking away when he noticed me looking at him. But sometimes, he seemed so entranced by my body he didn't hide his lust for me at all. I'll be the first to admit that I don't mind Rick checking me out. I also don't mind him walking around shirtless either. I'm sure he knows his body is incredible. I often wonder if he struts around showing off his biceps and abs for me. Our physical attraction to each other is apparent. And the tension has been building for quite some time. I just don't know if either of us is ready to do anything about it.

A few weeks have passed and lately, I've come to discover that Rick Grimes is a major snoop. I caught him prying around my room several times. He'd commence to snooping when I was in the shower or at work. I'd peek in my room and he'd be looking under my pillows and mattress. I can only assume he was looking for my diary. He'll never find it, so hopefully, he'll give up soon. Otherwise, I may have to confront him about it.

Next time I just might.

Just because he leaves his diary out for all to read doesn't mean I'm going too. And although I was tempted sometimes, I didn't read it. The diary's purpose is for private thoughts, revelations and if he wants to open up and talk to me, we can do that at any time. I advised him to put his 'journal', as he likes to call it away.

I was surprised when he approached me before he began his shift, he told me that tonight he'd like to talk to me.

After dinner, we retired to the couch for an evening of relaxation, it's become our routine.

"Michonne," he said, taking my hand in his. "I have something to say to you that's been on my mind for a very long time." The way he looked at me when he said those words. His eyes gazing into mine with a mixture of fear and longing.

"Please wait for me," he murmured, running his eyes over me and showing his appreciation, "I need you too, wait for me," He moves in closer, lifted his hand, and trailed a single finger over my face, down my neck, his eyes devouring me. I could clearly see his love and devotion as I gazed back into his piercing blue eyes and I shivered.

"Rick," I say breathlessly and he watches my lips move, my chest rising and falling, memorized by my reactions to him."I don't think I can wait that long," I admit to him as I placed my hand on his shoulder, willing my serenity into him. Rick is constantly seeking comfort in me. It scares him knowing that his very sanity is walking around where I can be taken, hurt, or killed.

"Beautiful Michonne", he whispered, then leaned forward stealing my lips in a lust-filled kiss.

At that moment I knew what I wanted.