The Bucket List >> Sabriel ✔️

50: Get Sammy To See That Life Isn't All Work And No Play

A warm hand in a cold one. The taller boy sat, stone-still, a crumpled, well-worn sheet of paper in his other hand. They would be removing the smaller one to the morgue soon.

The taller boy released the smaller boy's hand, standing up and leaning over him. He smoothed back the hair from the cold boy's forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to the cool skin.

"I love you, Gabe." He said softly.

The silence was overwhelming. The still air was pressing in on him from either side, making him feel suffocated. A loneliness in which he had never felt before filled his lungs, always breathing in the pain but never breathing it out. Never escaping him.

He looked at Gabe's face. All the kisses he had pressed there, all the cheek smooshes and all the Eskimo kisses, all the gentle caresses and gazing into each other's eyes.

His eyes were shut now.

The taller boy grasped Gabe's face, pressing kisses to his mouth, his cheeks, his little button nose. He smooshed his cheek against Gabe's. He rubbed his nose against Gabe's. He brought his hand up and touched Gabe's face gently, resting his forehead against Gabe's and staring at Gabe's closed eyelids.

It wasn't the same. Gabe didn't respond. Gabe's cute chubby cheeks didn't rub back against his, his little nose didn't rub with Sam's, his beautiful golden eyes weren't staring back into his.

For the first time since he found out his husband had passed away, Sam Winchester-Novak cried.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto Gabe's face. Sam's eyes shut too, the pain in his lungs filling up his heart, his face twisting in grief, and a heart-wrenching gasp escaped him.

"I love you, Gabe."

Gabe didn't respond. Gabe didn't say it back. Sam realised he should have said it more when he was alive. Then he realised, can you ever say it enough?

He knew Gabe loved him. He didn't need him to say it back now. His fingers traced their matching tattoos, their wedding rings. Lucifer and Michael had beaten their cancer and were out of the hospital, this was the last thing Gabe and Sam had celebrated together.

He remembered flying through the streets of cities on a motorbike, his eyes covered by Gabe's hands, feeling so alive and free.

He remembered marrying him, his smile so contagious and his eyes so beautiful.

He remembered when they first met, when they slipped on water and Gabe landed on top of him.

'Sweet sugary candyfloss', he had exclaimed.

"You're my sweet sugary candyfloss." Sam whispered, his hand gripping Gabe's one last time.

Then he was down too. Sam's eyes saw blackness, then white. Flashes of their hospital room screamed in his vision. He was on the floor. Then people were above him. His nurse Balthazar was pumping at his chest desperately. His brother, his friends, were surrounding him.

He had one moment of clarity.

"Pass - pass me the bucket list."

His doctor was also in the room. He picked up the crumpled paper and passed it to his patient.

Sam gazed at the last item.

'50: Get Sammy to see that life isn't all work and no play'.

He thought of all the pranks he and his husband had done together, of all the wild and exciting new things he had tried whilst being together with Gabe, of all the things he thought he would never get to do.

He thought of Gabe. His life was Gabe. But Gabe wasn't work. Gabe wasn't play, either. Gabe was the sun that lit up Sam and brought him to life.

Sam smiled.

As Sam faded into darkness, one last thought echoed in his head.

Sam and Gabriel Winchester-Novak had completed the bucket list.

-

The End

I sort of think of this story as a life lesson. Tell your loved ones that you love them before it's too late. Don't waste time worrying whether or not they love you back. They might, they might not. But you need to tell them, or else you may never get to.

Take a chance. You might be afraid, you might think it won't turn out well, but think. Imagine if it does turn out well. Imagine how beautiful your life will be if you take that one chance, that one risk, that one step into the unknown. One decision could change everything.

For the worse or for the better.

This is what your life could look like. You could end up completing the bucket list, dying happily, or you could end up alone with no good memories with the person you love the most in the whole world by your side, all because you were too afraid to take the chance.

Sure, there'll be hard times. Sure, they'll be some plane crashes and hospital shootings, maybe even some hostages taken. But there could also be tattoos, star-gazing, jumping off the Empire State Building and racing down the corridor in hospital beds kind of things. The good outweighs the bad, so please, choose wisely.

Don't choose hate.

Don't choose to fester in your feelings or non feelings.

Don't choose loneliness.

Choose love.

Choose to take a risk.

Choose the bucket list.