Toddlers Until Teenagers

Chapter 53

please read to the end, I have a short, important thing to tell you guys! Thanks!

   ***

   "Hey, Alex, man, you alright?" I receive many comments and queries similar to this for the next couple of days in Jersey. I don't see her again, though, which is a relief, but a weight, something heavy on me. I want to see her again. Not only to apologize about being so abrupt the other day, but also for everything else. It's been way too long and my past lover is someone I want to talk to right now, believe it or not. The memories come rushing back to me and the past few days have been gone, as a frenzy.

   I accept the OJ and cold pancakes form the motel's breakfast services to feed down my inner monster. Celeste shares a room with Parker, while us three guys manage in another. Parker was kind enough to pay for ours, and his, but we insisted we pay for the rest of the things that cost us on the trip.

   Wes and Matt share a look as I finish off breakfast in bed. I was awoken to some sounds I'd rather not talk about, but let's just say the walls are paper thin and I'll need to have a word with Parker soon.

  Or not.

   I'm not acting normal, I can tell, this, by far, is true. But I'm not acting totally distant, either. I do participate in regular small talk, but mostly, I'm keeping to myself. Everything is just so overwhelming.

  I don't know if my love for her has faded over the years and isn't really there at all, or it had sparked up now that I've seen her again after five whole years. The first years were tiring and pretty lonesome. I made friends, yes, I moved to New York, yes. But that gradually happened. I was still trapped in those memories, her face, until one day, I eventually decided to let everything go and live my life.

    "Hey, man. Where are you lost?" Wes interrupts my thoughts abruptly. I give him a quick, sharp nod, signalling that I'm okay.

   Today is our last day in New Jersey. And I know that I have to meet her. Every vein inside my body is screeching, yelling, ripping, warning me not to go to her again, after all the pain I've caused her. But then every single nerve in my body is screeching, yelling, ripping, scolding me to listen, to go to her, because in the end, I will regret not trying to see her again.

So, the truth is, I'm not okay.

***

The wind picks up its speed as I keep my hands steady on the wheel of the car. "Here you go," I suddenly stop to a halt in front of the mall. Matt confusedly glances at me from the passenger seat.

"Aren't you coming?" Parker asks from the backseat, concern and confusion laced in his voice as Celeste sits beside him, her dark eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, man, you love this movie." Wes exclaims from beside Parker, who is sandwiched in between his beautiful wife and sweaty best friend.

"It's okay, don't worry about me. I have something to take care of." My voice comes out sharper than I intend. Celeste casts a worried glance at her husband.

"Are you sure, Alex?" Celeste asks me with a doubtful expression. "You seem upset. Is everything OK?"

"Yes, everything is fine. Just trust me on this, alright?" I plead my friends. Wes shares a glance with Matt, and finally, they both nod. Seeing as his other friends have exited the car, Parker follows with Celeste hot on his heels. The air is in the car for a moment, before the doors gently shut and sound of the air is whooshed out. The buildings and malls surround me in the wide streets of New Jersey.