Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
But it's not me he's in love with, it's her. It's always been her. Evan never loved me, I was just his rebound. I probably wasn't his rebound either, because at least when you're someone's rebound, they're at least a bit interested in them. That's why they're staying with you...to try and get over someone else. But Evan never had feelings for me, and if he did they were only for a short amount of time. There's someone else he has his eyes on though. I don't think they're ever gonna peel off her either. He loves Emma and he always will.
I was stupid and in love. He just ran to me and knocked me over. And I just couldn't get up. I got so used to laying there on the ground, I eventually forgot how to walk. And it's nobody's fault but mine. I was so in love that I didn't have a clue of what was really going on.
When we first met, I acted like a complete dork. I was dropping his groceries all over, acting as f I've never seen a $50 bill before, and probably smiling like a goofball. But he seemed interested. I thought he was interested at least. If he wasn't, why would he have asked for my number? Why would have a conversation with me and ask to hangout sometimes? Why video chat with me, hold my hand and kiss when we're together? Why lead me on? Why tell me you love me? It took me a while, but eventually I found the answer to those questions.
He was just in it for the sex. No matter how much he denied that, I won't believe him. He was never looking for a relationship. He didn't wanna form a bond with me. He never loved me, he loved my vagina. He just wanted to fuck.
No strings attached.
I would've understood if he came out and said this is what he wanted. I would've declined his generous offer, or I would've agreed and stop myself from falling to deep...but he didn't. He lead me on and made me think we had something special. Something irreplaceable.
He'd say things like I love you, or you'll always be mine. You're my everything baby girl. You and me forever.
So if someone continues to tell you they love you, won't you start to believe them? Well I did.
The day we 'broke up', it was kind of weird and unofficial.
"I need some space" Evan said to me.
So I gave it to him.
We didn't speak for a few weeks, and he just kinda moved on. Just like that.
He didn't text or call me saying its over. There was no text or phone call. He just completely ignored my existence. He moved on.
And I should hate him for this. I should hate him for playing games with my heart. I should hate him for leading me on, and then abandoning me. I should hate him for using me, and playing me. But I don't.
I miss him. I see him walking with his hand in hers and I can't help but feel anything but jealousy. Every time we walk past each other on campus, it hurts. I hurt every time I see him, but I'm sure he doesn't feel the same.
Once I was walking down the hallway with my friend Kiara and I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked up and it was Evan, but he quickly looked away and so did I.
"Wow Y/N, I'm so glad you dumped him. You're way to good for losers like him." Kiara had said laughing at Evan's reaction as I fake laughed with her.
She thinks I'm the one who ended things. I only lied because I didn't want her to hear the real story.
I fell in love with a douchebag. I was in it because I loved him, he was in it for the sex. He dumped me and found some new whore to screw over, oh and the best part is I still love him.
How about no.
Honestly, I just want to go back to the old days. I miss mornings with Evan, grabbing coffee and driving to school together. I miss his hugs, his lips on mine. That's all I want and all I need right now. I just can't seem to tell him that.
He'll shoot me a text every now and then, but I can't bring myself to answer them. What am I supposed to say? He broke my heart, he knows he did. And he expects me to ask how his day is going?
I just wish that I didn't have to explain, he'd just wake up and somehow realize how much I need him.
I hate him so much for what he did to me, but I love him all the same. I don't want to love him, but I can't move on. Not as easily as he has.
I hate myself for still wanting him after all the hell he put me through. But at the end of the day, the emotions I feel don't matter.
Because Evan wants her. I'd even say he needs her. And Ill never be her.
