I moved away from Evan. Not by choice, I had to. Our friendship is just an online relationship now, and it's always been hard for me to really express my feelings via the Internet. So it was easier for me to pretend I was okay with Evan when in reality I wasn't.
We were on snapchat one night just talking I each other, and sharing a couple of laughs and what not. I felt happy to reconnect with my best friend again. Just talk as best friends, with no awkwardness whatsoever, and without me having to pretend I was enjoying his company. But things just started to feel weird. I figured Evan was just being friendly and being his normal playful self, but it was affecting me in a weird way.
I told Evan before how I felt about him and about our whole situation. And him flirting and messing around with me really fucked me up. I was confused and wondered to myself "is this what I really want?"
It wasn't like Evan and I could talk in person, we were speaking to each other through a phone screen.(Which is why I think it got a lot easier for him to act more confident and his true self I guess you could say). But since we couldn't talk in person, it was just different. Evan just changed though. It was like his personality and ego just multiplied itself by 100. And it was just an instant turn off for me. Even though Evan knew how I felt about him and the situation, he proceeded to make me feel this way without knowing what exactly he was doing. He went as far as asking for nudes multiple times after I already said no. To be honest, it wasn't a full out bold no. It was more of a msg that implied I didn't want to. But after the asking continued I flat out told him I wasn't gonna send him one, and I didn't want him to send me one. And he still sent me one after I said I didn't want him to. This just made me so upset, so I said goodnight and decided to sleep on it. The next day I confronted him, but in a calm way. I didn't want to just come crazy and turn him away. So once again I pushed my feelings to the side just so he'd be okay. I calmly told him how I felt about the situation. At the time, I convinced myself it wasn't his fault I got so upset. He didn't understand how his actions were affecting me. But I know now it was entirely his fault. I told him times and times before how I felt, but he just ignored my feelings. Nothing new right?
Evan started making stupid excuses as to why he did what he did, and that just pissed the hell out of me. Evan straight up told me he wasn't flirting with me, he was just playing around. He said that's how he plays around with everyone. But the Evan I know didn't "play around" like that. Excuse me...the Evan I knew.
But this confident, bitchy, new big ego owning Evan would say something like that. He also told me that I wasn't the only one he sent those pictures to, and the terms he said within his snaps such as "hey mami" and "wanna fuck" weren't only sent to me either. You see, it's funny becauwe either way he's still the douchebag here. He's a dick for sending me pics of his dick and fucking with my emotions when I specifically told him not to and how I felt about him. And let's just say I still had feelings for him, and he did/said those things to me. Would I be wrong for thinking he wanted to get back together? Because I don't think I would be. And let's say because of these signs he was giving me, I asked him to get back together. But in reality he was just being a horny manwhore who was saying all the things he said to me to some other girls too. This mad me upset as well, so we ended having a huge argument.
I told him I needed a break from him and his bullshit. Which was true. But during that break that only lasted a few days, I was thinking of an apology good enough for him to take me back and not be so mad at me anymore. Because I hurt him. That's fucking hilarious.
So maybe about 4 days after the argument Evan had the audacity to text me asking are we cool, with the mentality that I have no reason to be mad. Ill cut him some slack. I got the occasionally messages of "I'm sorry." But it didn't mean shit to me. They weren't sincere, not one bit. And I'll let you know how I knew that.
We argued again and basically I let him know how I felt (including me calling him words like bitch and asshole) from the moment we started being friends, through our make ups and breakups, and up until my breaking point. But Evan just couldn't accept the idea that this was all his fault. He continued to make bullshit excuses and bring up his past. (Evan doesn't have the best past. His family is broken, and he's fragile. And I understand that. But he used that as an excuses for his behavior and that made me highly upset.)
He compared me to his unloving parents, accused me of not really loving him, treating him like shit, and just dropping him like everyone else in his life.
You guys can re-read that if you have to.
Yup, that's what he said to me. After everything I've done for him, after every single time I put his feelings before my own, all those times I cried over him, been stressed out over him, all those attempts Ive made to let him know I really love and care for him, all those years of enduring a shitty ass friendship. I didn't do those things for myself. I did it for him. But this is the kind of shit I get back from him. It was at that moment when I knew I needed to move on. So I typed him these exact words:(A/N: this is the exact msg I sent to my ex-best friend. So it might be more detailed and different from the remake for this imagine. But u get the idea.)
"Look I don't want to hurt you. But just looking at our friendship like since we first started being friends and just the way our friendship works, I think it would be best if we just forgot about each other. For me anyways. I'm aware I said things like I wouldn't ghost u or forget about u but I feel like our differences r to much. And if u ask ur self what differences am I talking about, that's the problem. I just feel like based on past events, I should just move on. I'm going to a new school and so r u, let's just forget about each other and make new friends like we're destined to already. I'm not just saying this because what's been going on the past few days, but because of the past years. I felt like I could just deal w it but I can't and I won't. And these past few days is proof it won't work out. I don't want to drop u or anything just doing what's best for u and what's best for myself. I don't want to, but I know I have to. I love you, but I'm moving on."
I thought this pretty convenient. I let Evan know what was going down and I let him know in a kind and respectful way. But he just basically ignored this and said "oh so you love me." With obvious sarcasm in his text. He still compared me to his parents, and he told me he didn't care about what I had to say since "I obviously ended our friendship." He said he's not insecure and he loves himself. (Honestly I'm proud he's soo in love with himself now, but he took what I said into the wrong context.)
He continued his last few messages to me with numerous "lol"s and just messages implying that he didn't care.
And I was just in complete awe. He just completely transformed into a totally different person. I tried to explain myself to him, but he wouldn't listen. I told him I love him but he didn't listen. He hears what he wants to here. That's the thing with those kind of people. They don't want you to explain yourself. They don't want you to justify your actions. They just want have the last word and they want to be right. So what's the fucking point?
Don't waist your time on them like I did. Don't just ignored your feelings so they don't get hurt. Don't just stay starving just so they can eat and be satisfied with their meal. It's good to be selfless, but there is a thin line between being selfless and being a push over. And I was a pushover. The finally words shared between me and Evan (A/N: the actual txt msgs) were
me: fuck you
Evan: thanks lol
So that friendship or whatever you want to call it is over. And I don't regret a single thing. I'm glad I ended things. I'm glad I did something for myself for a change. And I'm not just sharing this story to just completely bash and expose Evan, but to publicly, and officially come to the realization that it's over. To be honest, at first I regretted my decision of ending things the way I did. I even cried over what happened. Realizing my "best friend" would no longer speak to me ever again, and knowing they hate me. But I don't regret it anymore. And they have no reason to hate, so honestly I don't give a fuck if they do. You know why I don't give a fuck? Because Im moving on.
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The person I wrote this imagine about knows exactly who they are. And I hope that person is reading this right now. I don't regret a single word i said to you. I don't deserve this, so I'm not gonna take it from you anymore. I'm not gonna expose that person (who isn't Evan peters obviously, but a female who I used to call my best friend). But to get to the point.......
I'm happy without you.
