I walked into my classroom, feeling everyone's head turn in my direction as the door closed behind me.
"Do you have a pass?" Miss Spellman asked while her chalk tapped against the board.
"No" I said, my voice shaky from crying in the hall way. This earned a few snickers, but I just walked to the back of the room and sat in my seat.
I played over my encounter with Evan over and over. I wish I cherished his embrace when he held me a few moments ago. For just a second I felt calm...I felt steady. I could even say I felt a little hope. But just like that, those emotions were lost again. I wiped stray tears that were sliding down my cheek and proceeded to take my notebook out of my bag. I wrote down the notes written on the board, hoping my numbness would allow the time to also pass by during this period.
Evan's POV
Y/N sped walk down the hallway, my eyes never leaving her back. This isn't you're fault. I told myself over and over. But the more I said that, the more I cams with the terms it kinda was. Y/N's father had been fighting cancer for a while now. The doctors said he had just a couple of months to live, but unfortunately he passed away a few days ago. The same day I broke Y/N's heart.
I didn't mean for things to go down the way they did. But in the end, it just happened. I wasn't returning Y/N's calls or texts, and she took it upon herself to pull up outside my house. She used the copy key I gave her to come inside.
"Evan it's me Y/N. I just came to make sure you're alright.." I heard her voice echo. "..plus I'm feeling a little lonely."
Replaying the scene in my head, I can't help but chuckle at the last thing she said. Y/N was always welcomed in my home. She struggles with her emotions as well, one minute you think she's fine and the next she's crying into my sweatshirt. I always wanted the best for her. And I never want to hurt on her own. But that night, I was the obtuse cause of her pain. I had been talking to this girl while I was with Y/N. She was just a friend, I met her when she got hired at my job. Y/N would get jealous when we'd talk. She made it clear she wasn't okay with us texting, but I always reminded her that we were only friends. At least up until that night. Long story short, Y/N walked in on me about to-well you know. Fuck her.
I'll never forgot the pain and confusion in her face. Almost as if she didn't believe what she was seeing. As if she shocked beyond comprehension.
"Please. You couldn't have thought you were the only one he was fucking" Natalia said to Y/N as she pulled my cover to cover her chest.
The thing is though, this wasn't true. Y/N and I haven't had sex yet. She wasn't ready..and I told her it was alright. All the more reason for her to be so hurt the way she did.
Y/N didn't say a word to me. She bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back her tears, but her eyes were fogging up and she started to sniffle. Her eyes never left mine.
She wiped a tear from her face and turned around leaving my room.
I didn't stop her though. I didn't defend her from Natalia. I didn't get out of bed with Natalia. I just sat there..frozen.
After Y/N left, I kicked Natalia out and got dressed. I called Y/N repeatedly and left her at least 100 messages. But as expected she didn't reply. I decided to give her space, but after a few hours of it , I got on my bike to ride to her house.
I arrived in about 20 minutes, and I rang the door bell. I was surprised to see her mother open the door. That's when I was presented with no news anyone ever wants to hear.
Right now in this moment, I regret everything. None of it was worth it. Natalia isn't even that cute to be honest.
I'm an awful person..and just to see Y/N like that hurt me in no way anything else could.
I needed to hold her, I needed to remind her she'd be okay and that I was here for her. But she hates me..and I deserve that.
Your POV
The bell rang and it was time to leave. Honestly, home was the last place I wanted to be. Dads gone. I remember how much he loved this town and loved the house him and my mother bought. I remember hating both, but pretending I was excited because he was. Now, it feels so dull. Everything is gray.
It's silent, it's empty.
My mother refuses to acknowledge the fact his gone. She's completely in denial and hasn't changed a single thing around. Dads favorite mug is still sitting on the side table in the living room, still filled with coffee.
I tried so hard not to think about it. I tell myself endlessly dad doesn't want me to cry. He wants me to live my life. He'd want to be happy and move on. But I just don't think I ever will be able to. I'm all alone here. I'm just tired of my emotions. I feel numb even when I'm sober, and it's driving me insane.
I grab my jacket out my locker and throw it on. I grab my car keys out the pocket and head for the door when my phone vibrates.
I look at the screen and it's a text from Evan.
'meet me at our place. I know u don't want to c me, but we need to talk. I'll be waiting"
I locked my phone again and took in a deep breath. I walked out the main doors and into the school parking late , unlocking my car. Our place was a small abandoned park a few minutes away. Nobody played there anymore. There was just a broken slide and one single swing on the swing set. You might catch some weed beads here on occasion, but for the most part it was empty. Evan and I would go there to just get away from everyone. I'd get on the swing and he'd push me while I laughed and snorted like I was little kid again. I'd then get off and try my best to do the same to him. We'd sit in the grass and cuddle. Talk about deep shit and make out.
That was our spot for 9 months. It was "our" spot when we were together. It's funny to see him use the word our now. Mainly because there is no longer an us. I started up my car and sat in the traffic I sat through everyday trying to leave this hellhole. As I waited inching up with the rest of the cars, I contemplated whether not I was going to sit and talk with Evan. I contemplated, knowing that I was going to end up going anyway.
