Hey guys. So I'm trying something new. There are many things I have go on in my life, so instead of ranting in text messages to people how couldn't care less, I've decided to transform my rants into updates for you guys. As long as shit keeps throwing itself at me, more updates for you!! Yay. Enjoy!
Do you ever just feel like the person you thought was the one for you, just isn't the on anymore? If so, you can relate to what I'm feeling right now. Don't get me wrong, I love Evan and I always will, but I just feel like our relationship isn't working out to the best of its ability.
Evan and I's friendship was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I truly loved and cared for him. I thought about him nonstop, always tried to put his needs before mine. I did everything in my power to make him feel big when he felt small and I always reminded him how much I loved him. Even when he claimed it was a lie, (I'm sure to this day he still thinks it's a lie), I tried to convince him it wasn't.
Our friendship wasn't always picture perfect. There were times we got into arguments and his true colors would show. I hated this part of Evan. I hated how fast he could just change and turn against me. But I was willing to push his ugly parts aside so we could make 'us' last. As you can probably tell, I'm in love with Evan. Not in like a husband and wife kind of way, but in a best friend kind of way.
Yes I knew I loved him as a best friend, but I felt there was something much stronger. So I tested this out and told Evan how I felt about him, and then we later ended up dating. For the first time, things were awkward between us. And the thing that bugged me the most was after me and Evan were finally pronounced a couple, he seemed to become extra cozy with Emma. And we all know I'm the jealous type, but I don't come out and say or do something unless it's really bothering me.
So we broke up, can't remember who's idea that was but it happened. I still had feelings for Evan, at least I thought I did. But instead of just pushing them to the side I brought back up into the center. And have our relationship another go. Let's rewind and take a few steps back. I seemed to talk so well of Evan but I forgot to mention that not so well parts.
Like the inconsiderate part, the bitchy part, the insecure parts, the attention seeking part, and the part that just really didn't truly understand me or catered to my feelings. But I just pushed my feelings aside and I proceeded with our friendship. I was willing to ignore my feelings for him. I was willing to completely degrade myself if that was the one thing that made him happy.
Award to the most pathetic loser, rewarded to me.
Anywaysssss, Evan and i's relationship take two.
We weren't as awkward, honestly things got extremely better. Evan became to get more comfortable with me, and I did too. But it seemed like a good thing at the time, but in reality it was the complete opposite. I started to let the ugly parts Evan over power the beautiful parts. And now this wasn't completely my fault. He became more comfortable with me, and my tolerance for bullshit was lowering by the minute.
We broke up again (what a surprise) and later got back together. But this was the worse mistake i made. I wasn't feeling it. I was not feeling our relationship not one bit. But once again I put someone else feelings before mine. About a month later, I felt enough was enough, so I ended things, for good this time. I had no interest in being in a relationship with Evan any longer, but I also started to lose interest in our friendship. Evan felt otherwise.
He felt there was no issue. All these years of us being together as friends, he had no idea of the feelings I felt inside. And that was just the problem. If your going to commit to something you should give it your all right? Just don't go through the motions, your just gonna end up hurting someone. In this case, he hurt me.
