Give Them Hell

Redneck in a White Sheet

It honestly sounded like a bad joke, that what I thought I was to be completely honest.

Before I tell you this story we have to iron out a few details. My grandma died just about four years ago, just after I started university. My gramps is an old war vet and is eighty four years old, he was in both World War One and World War Two. He isn't like my father though, he's nice and gentle. After my grandma died a nurse moved into the house so take care of Gramps.

So I was at this Halloween party at one of the Frat Houses at NC State. All of us were drinking and partying which probably wasn't the best idea because of the fact that I had a rugby game the next day but no one ever said that I was intelligent.

So my university roommate was really into books and didn't party all that much so she was in our room when my Gramps' nurse called our room. She walked her ass over to the Fraternity to find me. She found me dancing on a table with two shots of tequila in me. This broad wasn't much bigger than me but dragged me out of there by my hair and gave me this message.

My Grandfather got arrested and his nurse Janet wasn't going to bail his ass out. Not because she was a bitch or anything but because she thought she was teaching him a lesson. Janet is like a member of our family so her and Gramps joke around a lot.

So remember that part about me not being too intelligent? I drove the seventeen miles from NC State campus to the police department in Clayton, North Carolina. I didn't feel drunk but I'm willing to bet if I was pulled over I wasn't going to pass a field sobriety test, but what were they gonna say? It was my birthday after all but not my twenty first...it was my eighteenth.

About twenty minutes later I pull up to the Clayton Police station to see my eighty year old grandfather sitting in the little holding cell.

"Gramps! What the hell are you doing here?" I ask as I make it to the holding cell.

"Dallas, what the hell are you wearing?" He asks.

I completely forgot about what I was wearing and I look down to see my Halloween costume again. A black crop top, black leather shorts, black motorcycle boots, in my hair is a cat ear headband, and there are whiskers painted on my face in black acrylic paint.

"Well, uh, Gramps, this is my Halloween costume. I'm a." I pause to awkwardly laugh. "I'm a black cat...meow." I try and he rolls his eyes.

"You're too pasty to be a black cat, Dolly. You look like three Oreo cookies stacked on top of each other with ears." He says and I laugh.

"Why are you in here?" I ask and he points behind me to the sheriff.

"Ask 'em, I didn't do nothin'." Gramps says and I turn around to face the sheriff.

This sheriff never really liked me all that much, he said I used to piss off his cows by looking at them cross eyed. I'm not denying doing it, it's just a stupid assumption.

"Why the hell is my grandfather in here?" I ask. "This is ageist or something."

"Your grandfather is in here because he's a racist." The sheriff says and I'm taken back.

"Pardon me?" I ask. "My grandfather sure as the sky is blue is not a racist."

"Mr Monroe was dressed as a member of the KKK." He says and I pull my eyebrows together.

"The Ku Klux Klan?" I ask and he nods.

"I wasn't!" Gramps cuts in. "I was a ghost, even ask Janet."

"This is ridiculous, my grandfather is not a member of The Klan." I say.

I spend another twenty minutes or so fighting with the sheriff before paying my grandfather's bail and driving him home.

I sit at the bar with Nikki, I'm supposed to be working but the bar is just the two bands, Dakota, and myself, June's with her babysitter.

Both Nikki and I have a new hobby and that's pissing as many people off as humanly possible with public displays of affection, I guess it's really not a new hobby because we used to do it at school or the mall or that drag strip on the outskirts of town. But it's funny as all hell to watch my cousin shift uncomfortably when Nikki comes but behind me and bites my neck, Dakota usually mumbles something about 'that's my little cousin' before wandering off.

Right now our bar stools are literally as close as they can possibly be, Nikki's forehead on placed on top of mine and we're making stupid faces at each other and laughing about it. I close the small gap between our lips and it quickly turns to us making out.

"Rabbits! Quit it!" Dakota scolds and we pull apart laughing, my cousin points at me. "Dallas."

"Dakota." I mock and point back at her making her roll her eyes at me.

"You'll never guess the amazing story that Janet told me earlier today." She says.

"You're probably right." I agree.

"She told me how Gramps got arrested and how you went to pick him up dressed like a slutty cat." Dakota explains.

"I was only dressed like a slutty cat because I borrowed the outfit from your closet." I say and she smacks my arms.

"I want to see pictures of this." Nikki laughs and Dakota screws up her face.

"She's still my younger cousin." She remind him. "Why were you dressed like a slutty cat anyways?"

"I was at a Halloween party." I state.

"Was there drinking?"

"Yes." I roll my eyes.

"Dallas, you were eighteen!" Dakota scolds again.

"I'm sorry, weren't you knocked up at eighteen?" I ask her.

"I was pregnant at nineteen, thank you. My birthday is in January." She states. "Anyways, why was Gramps arrested?"

"He dressed up as a ghost and the sheriff thought he was mimicking The Klan." I say and she looks at me funny.

"Your funny, what's the real reason?" Dakota asks.

"I'm serious, D." I say.

"Why would they think that?" She asks.

"Think about it, Dakota. A redneck in a white sheet with a cross around his neck big enough to hang Jesus on again, we're from the south, it's not that far of a jump." I remind her.

"It still isn't right." She mumbles before walking off again.

I turn back to Nikki and he smiles.

"Is there pictures of you dressed as a slutty black cat?" He wonders and I nod.

"Somewhere in my apartment." I say. "Want to go look for them or something?"

"Kinda." Nikki admits with a laugh.

With that he grabs my hand and pulls me out the door before anyone can stop us.