Reflection time

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Ember's POV:

I woke up the next morning and looked beside me, I saw CC's head, facing me, resting on my pillow, his lips curled into a small smile. I smiled softly to myself and climbed over him to get out of bed. I walked out to the kitchen area and grabbed a bottle of water before grabbing my laptop which was sitting on the couch and going outside. I'd been seen by all the bands in my pajamas too often to feel embarrassed anymore. I went to the main stage and sat down on it. I opened up my laptop and logged into facebook. A few friend requests, nothing special. Although one was from Ryan so that was good. I got up my webcam program and clicked record after fixing myself and my hair slightly.

"So I've realised something yesterday. I learnt something. You have to be careful with everything, you know what I mean? Like being careful with dancing or falling to the ground correctly in martial arts. But I think some people confuse being careful with over analysing. I'm one of those people, I think that I am meant to be strong for everyone else that I don't stop, step back and think for a minute, 'What about you Ember?'. This is something I need to start doing. I cannot keep looking after everyone but myself and help myself... find me. If that makes any sense. Cause you know, you can exist in this world not knowing who you really even are, but your still alive. Your never truly living though, until you know who you are as a person and help yourself find that person. So that's what I'm gunna do. So guys this may be my last video, if not, the last one for a long time. Goodbye, remember I still love you all, It's just time for Ember to find herself." I said and clicked stop. I edited the start and end a little bit before uploading it to youtube. After it finished uploading I shut my laptop nd put it to the side, lying down on the stage in the process.

"Hey Em. You alright?" I heard a girls voice ask and I looked towards it to see Sherry, standing on the stage, hand in hand with Jinxx and looking down at me.

"Um, I dunno anymore..." I said, looking straight up, closing my eyes again.

"I'll talk to her, give us a minute?" I heard Sherry whisper to Jinxx and he nodded before walking off.

"What;s wrong Ember?" Sherry said, sitting down next to me and holding me close,

"I honestly don't know whats wrong with me anymore. I mean, I made CC cry and panic last night because I couldn't keep m own shit together! What kind of a girlfriend does that?! I feel like I am just a burden on him and all of you, I should have stayed back at home with mum and dad. It would've been easier on everyone. You know? I should never have let CC convince my parents to let me come on tour, or to live with him. I shouldn't have even gotten those soundwave tickets in the first place." I explained to Sherry and she held me tighter before I hear a sniffle from the side of the stage where the stairs were to get on.

"Are you saying you also regret saying yes to being my girlfriend?" I look up and see CC standing in the back corner of the stage, red and puffy eyed, with tears roling down his cheek.

"You know how much I panicked this morning when you weren't in the bunk. You were screaming and crying last night, worse than the first time in Melbourne, worse than ever before Jessie said. You had your worse night terror, and it was in MY company. You were in MY arms, the arms I thought were keeping you from danger. So when you weren't in my arms this morning and you were no where in the bus I thought you had bought a ticket on the next flight home. Think about how that felt for me. I'm going for a macca's breakfast run. I'll be here in time for the show." He said his last words with no emotion before walking off towards the buses. (A/N I may have possibly cried while writing this)

I wanted to rush after him. I wanted to turn him around, grab his face and kiss him. But I knew that would only make matters worse. Instead I let Sherry hold me tighter as I sobbed into her t shirt. Another thing that worried me; The show was at 4 this afternoon and it was only 9 in the morning. When CC says he will be here in time for the show it usually means 5 minutes beforehand. It worries me that he will be gone that long, alone in the city, in the mindset that he is in.

"Send Jinxx with CC.... Please, I don't want him walking the city alone and he doesn't want to see me right now." I said and Sherry left me on the stage to get Jinxx to run and catch up with CC. That left me, yet again, on the stage alone. I went out to the forest again, still in my pijamas, and hid deep in the middle of it. I stared at a tree for a second, getting angrier and angrier the longer I could hear the silence around me. I stood and punched the tree, right hook, left hook, right hook, left. Over and over again, even when my knuckles started bleeding I kept punching. I could've been punching for hours, that's what it felt like, my knuckles were bruised and grazed, leaking blood. I was only punching with one hand after a while because my right hand feels like it's broken. Trust me I know that feeling.

Before long I began walking back to the bus, my pyjamas were trashed my knuckles were now pouring and I was cradling my left hand. I got back to the bus and checked inside. No one was there right now; they must be hanging with some of the other bands or out on the town. I checked the time and saw it was 11 now. I've been gone for 2 hours I went through to my bunk and started getting some clothes out of my bag and my first aid kit to wrap my hand.

"Ember?" I heard behind me and turned around quickly to see Jake, sitting just on the edge of his bunk with pyjama bottoms and a t shirt on.

"Uhh hey Jake" I said turning back around so he couldn't see me.

"Why are your pyjamas trashed Em?" Jake asked and put his hand on my shoulder.

"I was in the forest, I got angry with myself." I said turning around, allowing him to see everything. "My hands broken" I said simply. He sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Lets get you patched up." He said before leading me into the bathroom and sitting me on the counter. He started cleaning my knuckles with whiskey because he didn't have any antiseptic wipes before he began wrapping them.

"That hurt a little." I said quietly and chuckled, shaking his head.

"And punching a tree didn't?" He said and I smiled a little. "You know we will have to go to the hospital for you hand." He said and I shook my head.

"Nah, I've set my own hand before, it's fine."

I said before jumping off the counter and looking up at Jake. "Thank you anyway, but I've had enough trips to the hospital." I said and hugged him before walking to my bunk. I grabbed my clothes and tuned to have a shower but Jake stood right in front of me.



"You know we have to talk about this right?" Jake said.



"No we don't. I'm fine Jake. This time I don't wanna talk" I said before walking past him and going to the bathroom. I closed the door before he could say anything else and then I dumped my clothes on the toilet, turning the shower on. I hopped in and stood under there for a while before turning it off, drying myself and dressing in some black patterned stockings, a marone skater skirt and a DIY ripped band tank. I look in the mirror at myself and approved of the outfit before moving on to my hair. I fully straightened it and positioned it all before doing some eyeliner on and leaving the bathroom. I went to my bunk and put on some dark red doc martins and my BVB necklace before leaving the bus. I saw Ronnie leaning against the side of the Falling In Reverse bus, having a cigarette, and decided to go over and say hello to him.



"Hey Ronnie, how are you?" I said leaning up next to him and smiling weakly. He turned towards me and smiled widely letting the smoke out the side of his mouth.

"I'm alright thanks Em, you?" He asked and I looked down to my feet.

"Can you handle the truth?" I asked him and his eyebrows furrowed.

"How do you mean? Is something wrong?" He asked me, pushing himself off of the wall of the bus and standing right in front of me.

"Just stuff with me and CC he's upset with me I think. Hell I'm upset with me." I said to him quietly looking up into his brown eyes, feeling my own welling up. Getting ready to release tears.

"Aw hell Ember come here" Ronnie said with sympathy spread across his face and his arms outstretched for me to step into. I slammed into him and wrapped my arms around him. I heard Ronnie whisper something to himself and I frowned but let it pass he pulled me in tighter and I let one single tear fall from my left eye.

"Shhhh Em, hey it's ok. I'm here." He whispered to me before continuing in a quieter voice which I don't think he meant for me to hear. "How could he keep fucking around with her? He doesn't deserve her."

"What did you say Ronnie?" I asked quietly, pulling away from his chest. I looked up at him and frowned, tilting my head to the left.

"Nothing Em, it was nothing" he replied quickly, smiling weakly to get me to leave it alone.

"How do you mean 'fucking around with me'?" I asked him and he sighed.

"I just don't think CC is treating you the way you deserve to be treated I mean look at last night, and look at you this morning. I just think you would be better off with so-someone like me." He said looking down at me, searching my eyes with his own.

"What are you saying Ronnie?" I asked innocently.

"I'm saying that the day we were all at soundwave in Adelaide I saw you from a distance and fell in love with you then and there. But I know that my opinion doesn't matter, because I've seen the way you look at CC. I know you love him." He said, getting quieter near the end.

"I, Ronnie I didn't know. I feel like I should be apologising. I feel as if I've hurt you" I said, looking down at my feet, terrified that I have now hurt two people.

"No Em you haven't. But by hurting you Christian has hurt me. I refuse to see you like this. Come with me" He said to me, asking me to come inside the bus. I followed him, thinking to myself. CC hasn't hurt me, I hurt him and now I am angry at myself.

"Ronnie CC didn't hurt me, I'm angry at myself because I hurt him." I explained to him and he turned around, halfway through the door.

"The fact that he is not the one comforting you, that he just left you feeling like this. It isn't right. Why can't you se this?" He pleaded with me, I just looked down and frowned before following him into his bus. I sat down on the couch with him and leaned into his side, needing someone by me at this moment in time. He held me tighter and rested his chin on the top of my head, keeping me as close as possible. Is this wrong? I mean, I still love CC and Ronnie just told me he loves me, yet I'm allowing myself to be comforted by him.

Hold on though, CC is the one that walked off, he is the one that isn't here when I need him to be, Ronnie is here. For me. This isn't wrong. It's not like we are doing anything bad. I pulled away from Ronnie and I looked up at him.

"Thankyou for this Ronnie, I needed this. I still don't know what to do though." I said to him.

"As much as it pains me to say, go talk to CC, I know you love him and he makes you happy, so go. Find him, he loves you too." Ronnie said, holding my hands in his. I nodded to him, thanking him because I couldn't find the words. He led me outside and turned me around.

"Just please don't get yourself hurt Em.. Please." He said to me before hugging me and letting me head off. I walked off, through the maze of buses before I got out to where the bands were now playing and there were fans walking around everywhere. I checked my phone and saw it was now 2:30. An hour and a half until the show started and CC still wasn't back. I quickly text Jinxx and asked him how CC was and where they were so I could go to them. He text me back almost immediately saying, to my surprise, they were in the venue. By the main stage. I began heading there and I smiled when I saw that Asking Alexandria were playing at the time. I went round, behind the stage, being allowed past because all of the security guys know me.

"CC?" I said quietly when I saw him and Jinxx sitting side by side right behind the back sheet of the stage.

"Uh, hi Em" He said quietly and for the first time I didn't hear a single piece of emotion in his voice. I looked down at my feet and started walking towards him. I sat right in front of him, cross legged on the ground.

"CC please look at me." I pleaded with him and his face turned up towards me, red and blotchy.

"What Ember, what do you want me to do?" He asked me, sitting up straight and Jinxx let his hand fall from CC's back. He stayed sitting with us, but he backed up a bit.

"CC, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything. I'm just sick of hurting you, and I seem to continuously be doing that. Last night I should have just listened to you but I'm irrational and quick acting. And then this morning I obviously did it yet again." I said to him.

"So do you regret saying yes to me? Has all of this been an act?" He asked me, still emotionless.

"No, I don't regret it. And it hasn't been an act. I love you, I really do." I said to him, going to grab his hands but he pulled his out of my reach.

"I still love you too, but I need a break." He said simply and my heart dropped. It felt as if it had been ripped out of my chest.

"Baby-"

"Stop, I need a break from us... Not a break UP but a break" He said simply and stood up before walking off again for the second time today.

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PLEASE DON'T HIT ME!!! I just thought I needed to shake the story up a little. I felt like the problem in the last chapter got cleaned up too cleanly. I thought if that really happened there would be repercussions. Sorry everybody if you didn't like it. By the way, thankyou to dreams_do_come_true_ for giving me some of the ideas in this chapter.

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