Blame it on our Fates

t w e n t y

Song Of The Day: 7 Things by Miley Cyrus.

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T w e n t y

Overthinking. A very bad habit. One of the few bad habits I had. And don't even get me started on how did I actually get that habit, or should I say get from my mother. She too, like me, had a very bad habit of overthinking. And it seemed that I totally got it from her. It was weird that when she was alive and fine, I didn't find that many similarities between the two of us. And now that she was dead, it was like the similarities came from within.

It was like I couldn't comprehend what happened in the evening between me and Nolan. It was like I didn't want to comprehend. It was all still in a damned daze. It was like my mind was shut down. It couldn't process, it couldn't understand anything at all, resulting in me constantly zoning out. No it wasn't the fact that Nolan wanted to kiss me, that scared me. It was the fact that I almost wanted to. That's the part of it, that scared me way too much. The part where I, Cadence Ian Brown, who hadn't ever thought about a guy before, was now thinking about kissing one. At least no guy real. Fictional ones don't count.

And I didn't know whether to share this stuff with Hailey or anyone. A part of me wanted to tell her everything considering she was my best friend. But another part of me just wanted it to be confidential and a moment meant to be between me and Nolan. And the latter one made me feel guilty. I mean Hailey told me everything, at least I hope she did. But why couldn't I?

My mind was haywire with everything going on right now. I was fighting a battle. An internal battle. The one where you constantly fight your own opines. The one where you just want to kill a part of you because it isn't agreeing with you. That was the type of battle I was fighting. And it seemed like I was winning for the first time and not my inner self. My inner self didn't want to tell Hailey or anyone about the almost kiss but I did. I truly wanted to tell, badly,
as the guilt of hiding something from her was gnawing at my stomach like some parasitic fungi.

"Tell me what's wrong," Hailey said, when she seemed to have had enough as she turned off the television of her room and faced me. I instantly shrunk back, my inner battle still working inside me.

"Nothing's wrong," I mumbled, and if she hadn't already figured out something was wrong, my tone of voice definitely did the honors.

"Really? Your voice doesn't say so, neither do your eyes," She replied, narrowing her eyes at me and I found myself shrinking back even more into her comfortable duvet, if that was even possible.

"What gave it away?" I asked sighing, knowing I didn't have a way out of this.

"The fact that you are being awfully quiet and also for the past fifteen minutes or so, you are not watching Orange Is The New Black, but rather are staring at the windowpane like it is the most amazing thing you've seen," She said, shrugging her shoulders, adding a nonchalant effect. Wow, she really was observant.

"I'll tell you, but, at a few conditions. Number one, no squealing or clapping or jumping up and down, at all. Number two, you'll listen to the whole scene first and then say something. Don't interject me, at all. And last one, no weird ship names and stuff," I said sternly as I counted down the conditions on my fingers. Rules were pretty necessary to form when it came to Hailey.

"God, you make stricter rules than the ones 'The League Of Nations' made for Germany after the First World War," She grumbled with a smile on her face. Without thinking, I smiled back a little and then rubbed my hands as I got myself even more comfortable for story telling.

"Come on, start. My hair strands are turning grey with anticipation and waiting for some new gossip," she said, as her face brightened with the word 'gossip.' God, Hailey loved gossiping.