Blame it on our Fates

f o r t y f o u r

Song of the Day: Stargazer by Sam Way.

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F o r t y f o u r

   "Hey mum," I said as I laid down the bouquet of lilies on her, my mind swirled with the image of her wearing a flower crown of lilies that my dad had made for her, oh-so-creatively. A smile spread across my lips as I reminisced the good old days, the days when my family was not broken, was rather one, where we had nothing to hide, nothing to conceal from the eyes of the others, the days when I knew that family was one thing I could always count on. My dad was always the hopeless romantic between the two, always doing the sweetest things for her. One day, he had seen mum watching some flower crowns in a Cosmopolitan magazine, and he knew what she wanted, as if he had read her mind, her thoughts. He made one for her, one out of her favourite white lilies. And that was not it, he made one for me too, and made Mark help him who grudgingly helped. I still thought about what could have happened if mum had not been killed in the freak accident, our family would be still going strong. My parents would still be madly in love. But them, if it had not happened, then I wouldn't have gotten a chance to make new friends, learn myself, love myself and explore what I could be. Moreover, Iwouldn't have gotten a chance to meet Nolan, to understand the enigmatic, complex creature full of mysteries, full of stories unfold. And maybe, just maybe things were meant to be broken because if they weren't, then I wouldn't have someone in my life who had helped me with putting it back together.

  "How are you?" I asked as I smiled and sat down beside her as I pictured her answering my question. "I am good too, mum, well at least I am trying to be," I chuckled at this and then sighed deeply as the mirth disappeared from my face. "It's tough, too tough. I am trying to be strong, I really am, but sometimes I just break down like how I am right now," I said as a tear trickled down my cheek and I wiped it away with the sleeve of my grey sweater, I then chuckled, "God, I am such a mess without you, mum. Why did you have to leave? Everything's duller now that you're not here, everything hurts, everybody hurts. I know that dad's trying to be happier now with Kimbitch-oops, I mean Kimberly, but she's not the one I imagined dad to spend his rest of the life with. I imagined him to be happy, to have fun, but not with her. And it's not like I have a reason I hate her, I don't. She's kind to me, she's trying to understand me, she's trying to do everything right. And that's what I don't like the most, the fact that she's so kind and I can't have a plausible reason to hate her, when I want to with every fiber in me. I was hoping she'd turn out to be a bitch, to be rude to me, to claim dad, but she didn't. She said that she wanted dad to choose us over her and that it was his real test as a father and he passed with flying colours. She's so kind, it's almost making me barmily scared, because what if she turns out to be exactly who I fear her to be, a rude, gold digger? I am going nuts, completely crazy, mad and mental with everything that's going on right now.

  "And then there's everything going on with Nolan," I took a deep breath before speaking again. "I am completely in love with him, with every flaws he has because they are what make him himself, make him someone I am in love with. Everything he's done for me, he's done with me, the crazy adventures he's taken me to, the deep, dark fears and demons he battles with every night, the fact that he was an underground fighter, everything about him, mum," I said before chuckling slightly. "I know you are probably thinking that why weren't you alive so you could see a day where I am swooning over a guy, who's not fictional, by the way. But he's being very difficult mum, he can't understand why I have to go with Nick, why I can't say no to him, he thinks that all I told him today at the mall were just words, that I don't really love him, not really, when I know how much I really do. My hands turn all sweaty, my heart runs a mile per second when I look into those deep, sea green eyes, the way I want to snuggle and kiss him when I look at him, this is not normal, or is it? This shows how much I love him, doesn't it? Why can't he understand that?