Blame it on our Fates

t h i r t y s i x

Song of the Day: Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez.

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T h i r t y s i x

There hadn't really been moments in my life where I literally hated anyone or detested anyone with every fibre of my being. My parents had taught me to treat everyone kindly irrespective of what they did to you. And that was exactly what I was doing until now. The person who taught me to not spread hate among the world was the one whom I felt like loathing with everything I had in me. And the worst part was that I couldn't hate him even after what he had done to me. Every time I tied to picture my father with Kimbitchy, saying the words that only my mother deserved to hear from my father's mouth, my mind seemed to remind me of every times he was there for me as a father. All the Saturdays we spent together and the family trips over Europe and the North America, I was time and again reminded of the father he was to me and Mark.

And that's how I found myself unable to hate him in every aspect.

And not only that, he was a perfect husband until mum's death, until Kimbitchy came into picture. I knew he loved mum with everything he had and sometimes even that wasn't enough to express his love for her and vice versa.

Even after what he did was unforgivable, I couldn't hate him. Maybe you could call that my weakness and my vulnerability. But I just couldn't. Ask yourself. Would you be able to hate the person you have loved and looked up to your whole life in just a night? The answer was pretty obvious. You couldn't, no matter how hard you tried.

And that was what was hurting the most right now.

After running away from my house, literally, I didn't know where I was heading. I didn't care that it was a school night. The only thing I cared about at that moment was to get away from the insanity I called my life. The surroundings passed by in a blur around me.

After an exhausting sprint, both physically and mentally, I decided to slow down a little and walk instead of run. The night blustery air around me was like liquid nitrogen, cold yet stingingly painful. The thick jumper material draped over my abdomen could do nothing against the cold air, that even running didn't help my poor case of chattering teeth.

A few minutes later I stopped down completely to calm my breath as I felt my phone vibrating in my jeans' pocket. I fished it out and saw a text, my father's text.

It said, 'I found your bag in the living room but didn't find you. Staying over at a friend's?'

For a moment my hands hovered over the touch keypad and I debated whether to text him back or not. My muddled emotions got the best of me and I exited his text, locking the phone and shoving it back inside.

My tears had stopped by now but the pain hadn't.

I looked around me and saw that I was just a block away from the club called 'Turn On,' from where I had rescued Taylor. My hands reached my pocket and for once I was glad that I had the fake id with me in my wallet. I almost smiled at the realization but stopped short when I remembered the reason for drinking. Quickly wiping my face with the sleeves of my jumper, rather obnoxiously, I cleaned the remnants of my crying and pain.

There was a short line at the entrance of the club and just like the last time, the queue was filled with young adults or rather some minors dressed in scanty dresses. I looked at my oversized jumper and coffee stained jeans and shrugged and joined the queue anyway. A group of a few girls and guys turned in front of me, turned around to look at me and I didn't miss the way the lips of some of the girls turned up in what seemed to be a distasteful sneer. One or two of the girls didn't say anything or made a face at me but just turned away. The guys scanned my body from head to toe and when they didn't find anything to spend their time on, the turned away. That should have hurt me but it didn't. I simply rolled my eyes at their petty behaviour. Funny how it had been almost two months since I was here the last time and stuff didn't seem to be changed much though so much was different now. I had made so many friends. I met Nolan and the most recent, my father found someone to replace my mother with.