Lies

Halted

Anastasia

After my conversation with Duff's sister, I took it upon myself to go outside and get some fresh air so I could ponder my thoughts.

I lean against the brick wall and slide down onto the warm concrete below. I look up at the sky and notice the stars that dot the darkness above me.

What Joan said about Duff having a drinking problem was true, and I could see that--I've just been in denial because I don't want to believe it.

I know that getting drunk every day isn't a problem now in a life of constant partying, but it could be in the future when the band is long gone.

It's no secret that I want to get married to Duff someday and have a family. Of course, not anytime remotely soon, but eventually--when the band has come and gone (which all good bands do)

Raising a child with a drunk father would be unfair, cruel, and stupid.

I would know.

My stepdad was an abusive drunk, and I don't have enough fingers to count the times I've been beaten and bashed within an inch of my life.

I didn't want that for any child of mine.

With that being said, Duff is rarely ever a violent drunk towards those he loves. I know that no matter what happens between the two of us, he'll never lay a hand on me. If we had a child, I don't think he'd lay a hand on him or her either, but how good of a father can you be if your passed out drunk? Or your speech so slurred you can't even speak to your child? Or so unsteady on your feet that you can't even play with your kid?

A drunk father might as well be no father at all; I've learned from experience.

A cool breeze blows past me, causing me to get the chills. I run my hands up my bare legs to just above the hem of my dress, feeling the goose bumps.

When I get to the top of my thigh high stockings, I remember the pack of marlboro reds that I had stashed there per Duff's request.

I reached for the box and pulled it out of the elastic band, opening it carefully.

I never used to be a smoker. In fact, at one time, I found it disgusting. But something about the smell of booze and cigarettes makes me calm.

I wondered if it had something to do with Duff, because he always smelled like that.

I take one of the cigarettes out of the box and shut it closed, but then realize I have no lighter.

I never smoked alone, in fact, this was the first time in my life that I am.

Luckily, I know that Duff keeps a few spare matches in the side of the box.

I open it back up and pick one out. There's only one left, and I strike it on the pack as it springs to life.

I start to take a deep drag when I hear the yelling coming from the back door.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Axl

With five minutes till show time, I'm in my dressing room talking on the phone with Erin, telling her goodnight.

We were leaving for our next show immediately after this Seattle show so we can have a couple days rest before the show in San Francisco. Erin drove up from LA to San Francisco so she could spend a little extra time with me, so I booked her a hotel room.

"I can't wait to see you. Only a few more hours." her voice sounds excitedly from the phone.

"I'll be there before you wake up. I can't wait to see you." I tell her.