Lies

Showed

Duff

She was trying her best to keep her distance, but the magnetic pull between the two of us was always there.

"So what about you? What have you been up to?" she asks, blowing the smoke out of her mouth. She passes the cigarette back to me, and I take a drag.

"Touring, mostly. We just got back from South America and we're taking a little break so I can try to finish my solo album." I answer.

"Solo album, huh?" she smirks. "Is it any good?"

"I think so." I say, taking a swig of my beer. "If you like to hear songs about how much you tore me apart when you left, then you'll like it too."

"I'm sorry it had to happen like that." she finally says, and I shake my head.

"I understand why you did it. You were protecting your kid."

"Do you want to spend some time with him?" she asks, and my response is a no brainer.

"That would be really cool." I tell her.

"Maybe you could come with me to get him from my Dad's tomorrow. We could spend the day together." she says, and my mouth starts moving before I can think what I'm saying completely through.

"How about we spend the rest of our lives together."

I watch as her face pales almost instantaneously.

"You can't say shit like that, Duff." she mutters solemnly.

"Why not?" I want to know.

"Dammit, Duff. Because I'm fucking married! That's why!" she curses, holding her hand up and pointing to the giant rock on her finger.

I knew she was married, but I didn't fucking care. No one knew her like I did. No one could treat her the way that I could.

The way she was living now was a complete lie--it wasn't what she wanted-- it wasn't where she belonged.

"Well, are you happy with him?" I dare to ask.

She looks from my face to the ground and back again. "I don't know, Duff."

"How don't you know?" I ask.

She stares at me as if she's trying to put her feelings into words.

"He's really good with DJ. He provides for us. He cares about me. He wants to start a family soon." she says, and those words are a stab to my heart.

A baby with someone else. I couldn't see her be the mother to someone else's child.

She was mine.

"And you want to have his kid?" I ask.

"I don't know, Duff." she says again, and this makes me angry.

"But what about us? What about everything that we had?" I remind her.

"It was really great back then, Duff. But what do you expect me to do? Run back home and tell my husband I'm leaving him for my ex-fianceé who didn't want our kid?"

I wince. That hurt.

"Don't you miss what we had?" I ask.

She bats her lashes. "Of course I do, Duff. But things are different now. DJ goes to school back in Pismo Beach. All our stuff is there."

"You don't even need to go home. Just stay! You don't even have to go back." I try.

"We'll move out of L.A. We can move wherever you want-- we'll get a big house with a backyard. We can have a couple more kids, if that's what you want. You have no fucking clue how hard it was to live without you. You don't know how many nights I tried to drink you out of my head. I would sit there and dream about what it was like to hold you again. I tried everything. When I saw your picture on the magazine cover, I tried calling your publicist. She wouldn't give me your number. I don't have enough hands to count the number of nights I spent alone, just wondering how I could have been so stupid to let you go. Because even though I was upset about having to grow up and raise a kid, I realized that nothing I wanted to do was worth it without you. You are my reason for doing everything that I do, baby. I was an idiot. So, whatever you want, Ana, I can make it happen. I just can't let you go again."

This makes her go completely silent.

"It's not that easy, Duff." she says. "You're moving way too fast."

"I've had 5 years to think about what I wanted, Ana. I know this is what I want." I tell her.

"I'm not sure what I want, Duff. My heart tells me one thing and my brain tells me the complete opposite. I don't know who to listen to." she says.

"I think we need to take it one day at a time." she mutters. "Tomorrow we'll go get DJ, and you can spend the day with him. I think you'll see that he's like you in a lot of ways."

I can see just by the way she talks about our son just how much she loves him, and that made me happy. He had someone to take care of him when I couldn't, and I was eternally grateful for that.

"What's he like?" I ask her.

She smirks. "He's like you in every single way. He's soft spoken and laid back, but he's always happy. He's smarter then everyone else his age, and he loves music. I hate to tell you this, but he just started to pick up the guitar--" she says, and I smile.

"That's okay. We'll work on it." I answer, and a silence overcomes us once more.

"What are you doing for the rest of the night?" I ask.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe I'll go over and see Axl."

I scoff. "Good luck. He's shoved up his new girlfriend's ass ever since he divorced Erin."

"Well that settles that then." she rolls her eyes and looks down to the floor.

She was too beautiful for her own good. The way her blue eyes stared at me had me entranced.

"Stay here with me." I tell her.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Duff." she says, and she stands up to leave.

"I don't want you staying in that hotel room by yourself."

She looks me straight in the eyes. "I've been doing it for 5 years. I don't need you worrying about me now."

"I've worried about you that entire time." I mutter.

"I have to go." she says quickly, and she walks to the door, opening it faster then necessary.

Before she can escape, I grab her by the hand forcefully and pull her into my chest. She gasps at the contact of her body flush against mine, and I realize how good it feels to have her in my arms again.

I look her in the eyes as she stares up at me."Don't go. Please." I tell her.

"This isn't right, Duff" she says, her eyes flicking to the ground.

The tension in the air is so strong that I feel like I'm suffocating.

One false move on either of our parts and I'll have her up against the wall in a second.

Her eyes flash back up to connect with mine, and this time she doesn't look away.

"You and I both know this is what you want, Ana." I say to her. "And even though your husband might not like it, this is where you belong. This is where you both belong-- you and our son, here, with me."

Her breathing quickens, and her eyes pierce through me. "Show me." she says.

"Show me what I'm missing."

And that's all I need to hear.