Ignorance was Bliss (Random Updates)

Walk down memory lane

Dancing and jumping around with a full bladder is not a good idea so I head off in search of the toilet leaving Libby and the guys to it.

Walking or should I say wobbling down he corridor I head back towards to front door where I had seen the stairs hoping if I went up them I would find a toilet. Carefully I walk up to the top and look down the corridor on the left and decided the only way to find out is by opening the doors and checking inside. Lucky for me I found one on my second try. Going in and locking the door I go to the toilet. Looking in the mirror while washing my hands I realise I haven't put on any make up when I was running out the house and now I look really tired. Checking my phone I see that it's only eleven thirty it feels much later than that", I think to myself.

Bing
Poppy👭: checked in on Mum she's fine, I'm going to stay at Max's with Ruby. I told her you might stay at Libby's, she said you don't need to worry about her. Hope you're having fun xx

Me to Poppy: great, thanks. I might just stay here will see how things go. Be safe love u xxxx

Bing
Poppy 👭: luv u 2 xx

Setting my phone on the counter I take my hair out and leave it down, the pain in my head it was causing wasn't worth how pretty it looked. Fluffing my hair up I let it hang down in waves, grab my phone and head out of the bathroom.

Wandering down the hall I decided to have a look and see what the other rooms were, the first few I checked looked like spare rooms and the last one at the end of the hall must be the a games room as it had a large tv on the wall, the latest console set up on the shelf , beanbags, a pool table and a mini fridge in the corner. Going to the fridge I take a bottle of water and head back out to go downstairs.

Walking back I decided to check the only door I hadn't been in and found it was another spare room with the biggest bed I have ever seen and looked like you would be lying in clouds. Deciding I couldn't not try out the bed I step into the room and lie down. Wow, it really is like lying on clouds. Shutting my eyes I listen to the muffled music downstairs and the laughter of my friends.

" how did I know I would find you hiding out away from everyone else" Noah says walking into the room closing the door behind him. He walks towards me and the moonlight catches his face making his eye glow in the dark.

I suddenly realise that this is the first time we have been alone since that night two years ago. The memory has me sitting up quickly, pushing my back towards the head board. My heart starts to beat so fast I think it's going to come up my throat. Trying to calm myself down I take a drink of my water.

"I'm not hiding out. I came up for the toilet then found this amazing bed of clouds and decided I needed to lie down on it"

"Bed of clouds? Move over I need to try this out for myself" he says taking his shoes off and lying down beside me. "Wow, this shit is comfy"

"I told you, best.thing.ever. What you up here for?"

"I came looking for you Holly" he says sitting up so that he could face me

"Wh-why?" I stutter,

" it's the only opportunity when I was going to have the balls to talk to you on your own, if you haven't noticed you're in demand downstairs and I really need to talk to you. We need to talk about that night"

"No we don't Noah. You came round mine at a bad time and said some things because you were feeling sentimental and then left me"

" is that what you think? You think I came round because I was taking a walk down memory lane? God Holly! I poured my heart out to you and told you that I thought I was in love with you that night and you didn't say anything, not one word to me. Then everything happened with your Mum and you wouldn't let me be there for you. You just pushed me away and acted like I didn't mean anything to you. You crushed me that day Holly and we didn't even get the chance to try and fix it because I was leaving in the morning, then you stopped answering my calls and texts and then Mitch told me to give you space, which I assumed you wanted and time just marched on and now we're sitting here like strangers when I all I want is my best friend back."

I didn't even notice I was crying until Noah reached over and wiped my cheek with his thumb. "Oh please don't cry Hols, I didn't want to make you cry I just wanted to talk about everything and clear the air so we could move on and see if we could go back to how we were, I don't want to upset you"

" I'm not upset, it's just that I've played this moment over and over in my head since the day you left and I didn't think it would ever happen. I feel terrible that I didn't say anything back to you that night, I wanted to I really did because I love you too but I don't know what type of love that is Noah. I love you like I love Finn, Mitch and Kayd and because I never allowed myself to see you guys as anything other than friends I couldn't tell you what you wanted to hear because I don't know how I feel and then you had to leave and I never got the chance to see where those thoughts and feels could go.

" I struggled when you left, the only person I told was Mitch about what happened between you and I that night and only because he snuck into my room two days later when I wouldn't answer my phone or texts and he found me curled up in my bed in the same clothes from the night you left. You have to understand that what happened that night with my Mum I never wanted anyone to see or hear and you are still the only person who knows unless you told someone and I want to keep it that way. I thought when you left and I didn't really hear from you that you couldn't handle being my friend anymore after everything that happened that night" more tears streamed down my face and I began to sob.

Noah pulled me into his arms and began to rock me back and forth. "What happened that night will never change the way I feel about you or stop me from caring or being there for you. I gave you space because that's what I thought you wanted and as time went on I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore so I just tried to move on but I couldn't. I thought about you every day and wanted to call or text you all the time. Looking back now I should of just done it and ignored Mitch. Ssshhh it's going to be alright, we'll be alright and I'm here for you now. Just please let me in, do you think you can do that?"

Noah pulled my face away from his chest, tilting my head to look at him. Looking into his eyes I could see that he was honest about everything he had just said and genuinely wanted to be there for me. I didn't think I could form words without crying again so I just nodded my head and mustered up the biggest smile I could.

Putting his forehead to mine he breathed deeply " good that's all I ask, everything else will come on its own, we can spend time together and see what happens. I'm not asking for you to be with me Holly but I want you to know I won't let you look past me." Kissing my forehead he pulled back and cradled me in his arm, rocking back and forth. I listened to his heartbeat and contented breathing and felt myself relaxing in his arms. Breathing in his fruity scent I snuggled my head further into his chest. I don't know what is going to happen between Noah and me but lying in his arms feels right and it's the first time in a long time I have felt happy.

Closing my eyes I gave in to my tiredness.