Ignorance was Bliss (Random Updates)

I'm actually doing this?

What??

They have got to be kidding? Sure I have read about relationships like this but it does not happen in real life! How would that even work? What happens when they decide that they don't want me anymore and I still want them? What happens if I don't feel like it's working? What would people think? Would we have to keep it a secret? So many questions? Why am I even contemplating this?

I try to ask my questions out loud but find myself opening and closing my mouth like a fish but unable to form any sort of word.

I realise I have been staring at Noah but not actually seeing him for nearly five minutes but I can't seem to blink.

"Hols? Holly?" I can hear Kayden say. I turn my head to look at him but I don't know what to say. I scoot away from him to the edge of the bed and stand up walking over to the window. Wrapping my hands around me I look out into the dark night seeing my reflection in the window and four sets of eyes looking at me from behind.

Staring at each of my boys in the reflection I can see they are scared and worried for me and for what I am going to say but I still can't get my head around all of this to try and comfort them.

Trying to slow my heartbeat I take deep breaths in and out. Am I making this more complicated than it has to be? They all seem happy to go along with this and have obviously talked but Noah and Finn are use to more from a relationship than what I think I'm ready to give just now. Would they be willing to wait for me? How would that even work? Would they not get jealous? Argh!

Turning around I look at each of my boys. They are all gorgeous there is no denying that and they all have huge hearts, are kind, caring, funny, loving and brilliant to be around. They each have their own quirks and habits that I love. I know I'm not freaking out as much as I should be right now and it's because I know all this about them but do I really want to take this huge jump and with them all?

"Please Holly say something" Mitch pleads looking at me.

I walk back over to the bed and Noah moves over to let me in. Sitting against the headboard I can look at all of them and pull my knees up.

"How?" I ask.

"How what?" Noah asks.

"How would it work?"

They all look at each other looking for someone to explain.

"We don't know" Finn says, "but we know that we can't loose you and want you to be with us even if it's only one of us but not with someone else, it would ruin us and because of that we would be willing to, I don't know the right word to use..share? Is that the right word? We just know that our feelings are so strong for you and we don't want to hold them in anymore" he says looking at me with his big green eyes.

"We don't know how it would work, I suppose it would be like dating in a way where you can spend time with all of us or one of us or whatever but we've talked and want to be open and honest about what is going on with each other and you so that we can keep our jealousy to a minimum. I'm not saying I won't be jealous if I see you kissing Finn or find out you have done things with Noah etcetera but as long as it's not being hidden from us then we feel we can handle it and the fact that we all know this is the best way for us all to be together as more than friends we can understand it" Mitch says.