"I wanted you so bad that I ignored how badly you started treating me. I'm tired of this back and fourth and always having the same outcome. It's like re-reading my favorite book I know how it goes, I keep re-reading though hoping the end will someh...
School is finally over and it's now the weekend! I'm going to hang out with Carter, Rose and Nova after school for a bit. Apparently the party is going to be a pool party and Rose needs a new bathing suit. I only agreed because across the street is the movie theatre. I planned on going over there after this and just watch the movie by myself.
We all went home to drop off our cars and Carter was going to pick us up. I texted Nova to text Carter to tell him that I will go in my own car and meet them there. He said if everything was okay between us. I assured him that it was. I told him that I was going to do stuff after so I needed my car. "Okay I'll let him know" is all he said.
James texted me that they already picked up Rose and that they are on their way to the mall. I get in my car and drive to the mall. I text him "I'm here, parked by Best Buy." He tells me that they just got here and that they will park in the Best Buy parking lot. He told me to meet them in the front. I get out, grab my bag and push the little button on my car keys to close the doors from my car.
It's not long before they come strolling in. They're all really good looking but why do I fell like a DUFF next to them or even when I'm around James and his friends? I really need to start putting in effort I haven't "dressed up" in a good while. I was by the cameras, at Best Buy I put the one I had in my hands down as they all waved Hi to me. We hug each other and start our mission. We have been here for about 45minutes and still not one bikini Rose has liked. They were all really pretty and she made them look even better with the body she has. She said she was looking for this one in particular that she saw when she came here the last time but they were out of her size. Now she doesn't even remember which store it was and is making us go to every store. Carter and Nova stopped her and told her that they need to eat. I'm telling you this is why I don't go out; all I do is eat.
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We get to the food court. Carter and Rose go together to get something to eat and me and Nova go together. That way we can hurry up the process. It was a little harder for me since I had to look for something that was vegan. I ended up just getting some fries and some fresh lemonade from two different booths. Nova gets some Chinese food and when we sit down to where Carter and Rose are I see that they both got pizza. We all talk a little but Carter signs to Nova most of the time. I get a little surprised and jealous at how good he is at signing. I start to fell like shit for not keeping up with ASL. I would have been as good as Carter and Nova and I wouldn't have to be messaging all the time to communicate. Rose even signs to him as much as she can, she's actually pretty good. There are some words she gets stuck on but she's still way better than me. Nova is the one who's deaf and yet I'm the one who feels left out from half the conversation between us. I really need to speed up my process with the ASL learning. I want to surprise Nova one day by just speaking to him with ASL and not with my phone.
I have about an hour left until my movie starts so when were done eating we get back to looking for that store. We finally find it and luckily they still have her size.
"Bell" Rose calls me over, "How does it look?" she spins around.
"Wow, you look amazing!"
"Really! I'm not showing to much am I?"
"Well, it is a bikini, but no I've seen much less on some other girls.
"Try one on!"
"Um, actually I'm not going to the party tonight."
"What why not?"
"Not really in the mood, haha I laugh. I haven't even told James that I'm not going. I'm going to watch a movie instead."
"Really, well you should ask Nova to go with you. He didn't even want to go to the party."
"I don't know, It starts in about 30minutes, you think he would want to come on such little notice?"
"I have a really good feeling that he would say yes to about almost anything you ask him."
"Okayyyy, I say as she hands me a bikini, "try it on,pleaseeeee" she tells me.
"I, okay I'll try it on." I was going to make an excuse but I might as well have some fun until its time for me to leave.
I'm in the changing room looking at myself and liking the bikini she handed me. It is an army green color. Its plain beside the little gold heart in the middle of the bra. It has fringe and they're long enough that I feel comfortable enough to make myself think of this as just a crop top shirt. The bottom half is more of a booty short then it is an underwear. If I pull on it a little its more of really small tight shorts than it is an underwear/ bikini.
I call out for Rose and she tells me she's right outside with the boys.
"Oh, never mind" I was going to show her the bikini but since the boys are there i get to nervous to come out.
"No, come out we want to see."
"I don't know." The boys are there too... she's crazy if she thinks I have the courage to cone out dressed in this.
"Please!! they all whine at the same time."
Hahaha "okay," I laugh Nervously even though I don't really want to. I just tell my self that this is not the first time that they've seen me in a bikini. I gather up as much courage as I can and unlock the lock to the dressing room door.
I come out and they all just stare at me. "It's that bad?" I finally say. "I thought it looked good but..."
"No, no! it looks good!,... its amazing! You look amazing!" Rose squeals. She's looking at me like I'm the best piece of food she's ever seen.
"Yeah, you look, wow you look really good Bell" Carter says.
All that's left is Nova and he's just looking at me, smiling at me strangely.
"Uhhhh, okay let me change" I say.
"No wait! Nova finally signs "Let me look at you for a little while longer, let me take it all in." He turns to Carter to what seems is to interpret what he's signing to me. "You really are beautiful you know. Bella-may Abernathy, and you need to hear it more often so I'm going to tell you again, wow your breath taking." Carter says for Nova.
I don't know where that speech came from but its nice to hear that every now and then. It seems harder and harder everyday and trying to fit and compete with these body types people think girls are naturally born with. The makeup and the clothes and reaching that ultimate body goal. It gets tiring and sometimes it brings me down. I was never insecure about myself as much as I am now.
"Ahhh!" Rose has to kill the moment but I'm grateful for it. I was blushing to much, it was embarrassing.
They holler as I turn back around to go into the stall.
I laugh when I'm in there and look at myself smiling, a real smile. The smile I haven't see in a while.
******Since its Friday in the book!*******
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