Tracy

048:

               

*****048

She'd intended to spend the four hours in rehearsal, have lunch with Austin and Redd Kelly, and then head to Rocks for another four hours. Today was a work day.

Now alone in her office, preparing to go home to the new house and give Monday a break from Danny and the ferret—she rubbed her headache--- went to the coffee pot and brewed hot water for her tea, adjusting the magnetic bracelets, and retrieving the magnetic pads Dr. Armani had given her in case the headaches got unbearable and no one was around to diffuse her.

No one like Richard.

Today they'd discovered Austin had a slight grounding effect on her as well. Slight, not like Richard.

She turned to look out at the ocean, storm clouds brewing over the horizon, in varying shades of gray and black and white, moving silently and swiftly with the unseen winds and currents. Maybe the reason she felt better in the ocean was that its currents took her currents---reset her like a ticking clock.

She rubbed her head again.

On her desk was a stack of letters. Fan mail.

They paid a fan mail company to go through these things and answer them with a form letter, and pictures. But the announcement of a reunion concert in May had brought even more enthusiastic letters, and she'd asked for a cross-section that they felt were different or note-worthy to be brought to her office. There were about twenty.

She sat down and used her letter opener to slide beneath the sealed side. Usually, these were already opened.

BURN IN HELL.

The next one: BURN IN HELL

And the next one: BURN IN HELL

She pressed a button on her intercom. "Is Michael still here?"

"No, ma'am. He left after your session."

"Is Andrea Collier in the building?"

"No, ma'am."

"Do you know what this crap is on my desk?"

The door opened and her secretary came in, tall, dressed in slacks and a sweater vest. She looked at the stack of unopened letters and scattered remains of threatening missives.

"Oh, yes, well. We've received several like this." She picked one up and fingered it.

"Shouldn't they go to the FBI or something?"

"They think it's a hoax. Don't pay any attention to them." She still fingered one in distaste, her eyes scanning the large black typed print that was the only thing on the paper. "Celebrities get stuff like this all the time."

"But this came to me, not to the fan club, and not to the band. To me. Why me?" Tracy turned and let the letters flutter to the floor. "I have a weird feeling about these letters. This person seems more--- determined or something."

"I'll have the guy who picked up the last batch come in and talk to you tomorrow. How about that?" The secretary turned to go. "Have a nice night."

Tracy scrunched up her face in annoyance. The phone rang on her desk and she picked it up instantly.

"Hey." The voice on the other end was warm and refreshing.

"Raine!" She plopped back in the rolling desk chair, this was unexpected and very welcome.

"Hey baby, miss me?"

"You'll never know how much. Are you on break? How are you calling me?"

"Well, I only have a minute, seriously, I'm sorry, I know we were looking forward to the weekend, but maybe it's just as well."

"What? What is just as well?" She pulled the phone closer as if that would make whatever he had to say more meaningful.

"My unit will be in the field from now till the end of the month! Field sims. No visits." His tone was very apologetic. "I was really looking forward to seeing you, how are things going?"

Tracy had covered her eyes with her cold fingers. "So, why did you say it was just as well?"

He chuckled. "Being without you, after being with you." He let that hang, but when she didn't answer, he laughed outright. "I'm damn freaking horny. I would try and get you alone in a hotel room, for sure."

"Oh." She didn't have any clue what to say to that, in fact, was a little shocked at his choice of words. He wasn't normally crude. Even by way of a compliment. She pressed the sides of her temples.

"Okay, that was uncalled for. Being around these guys for any length of time makes me revert to the old Brazilian days."

Her brows were raised under her hand. "Really? What were the old Brazilian days?"

"Stationed offshore near Cartagena, sowing some wild oats. General Colby had to bail us out of a South American jail that time. Never mind, it's not something I'm proud of."

She looked up at the ceiling, digesting that one. Well, at least you trust me enough to tell me, unlike others who claim to be enamored of me---- but she didn't say that.

"Listen, I'm sorry baby. It won't be for a couple of weeks, if that. This training is pretty intense, they're trying to move the deployment dates up even." She could hear collective groans in the background and knew he was at a pay phone in a lobby with others.

"To when, Raine? You thought you might have at least a day or two...." She let that hang, wondering when they'd ever get the chance to talk again privately. This wasn't the time. But she really needed to vent to him--- so much had happened.

"End of February." He said seriously. "But Thomas has promised me at least a pre-deployment weekend, so what I'm hoping is that you'll come to me and we can maybe--- get married in Vegas."

"Vegas?" Her heart sank. That wasn't how she pictured a wedding. She wasn't naïve enough to think he wanted the temple as much as she did—he probably wanted sex first--- she shivered. They hadn't talked about it. They should have talked about it. But they were too busy talking about everything else. That was just taken for granted.

"I wouldn't suggest it, really, but---."

"No, I get it. You're going to be gone. It's just----."

"Kind of crass? Not what you wanted?"

"Not exactly, but it can be. When you say Vegas I think of one of those stupid little chintzy wedding chapels, but it doesn't necessarily mean that. We can be married in an LDS chapel. Is that really what you want, Raine? Does it feel like rushing to you?"

"Baby, if it's right..."

She swallowed. Was it right? Is that what she felt?

"And then later, we can go through the temple?"

"Yes. That would be perfect." He was relieved.

"Are you afraid you'll lose me? Because you won't, even if we wait till you get back. I'm committed." Was she? Was she really? She pictured Richard on the stairs this morning.

Then she pictured drugs.

Alcoholics she knew...

The unstable life of an actor---- not all actors, that wasn't fair, but these Hollywood playboys she hung out with.

And she pictured Ruth and Jerry. Oh God....

The pictured her baby brothers Sam and Ty.

No!

What she needed was to marry Raine and get on with her life, and keep him---- she had to make the right choices. They'd have time later.

"I'll arrange it. Do you have any idea when?"

She heard his instant excitement, the giddy happiness her words had caused and she smiled to herself.

"Close to the last weekend in February." He said. "Tracy, you make me so happy."

"I love you." She whispered, feeling the sting of tears behind her eyelids and pressed her hands into them hard.

"I love you too."

*****