Tracy

071:

         

071:

Julian alone came in the next morning, his eyes luminous on her as he stood facing the sunken chair she'd fallen asleep in. The incubator was back in its place and the technician had already explained about the positive identification of neonatal RDS--- but the happy lack of HIV.

His hands found pockets in the gray slacks he was not comfortable wearing, the dark gray sweater that should have had a shirt under it and didn't. He moved to her side, and touched the tawny strings of hair that had been pulled loose from her messy bun.

"Trace?"

"Hm?" She stirred, opened her eyes, awake, aware, not confused or disoriented. She gained a straight backed positon and then stood, wrapping her arms around his stalwart and comforting figure.

"I brought you a change of clothes and your moccasins."

She nodded against him, hearing the steady beat of his heart beneath the sweater, and feeling the tight clasp of his strong arms around her, one hand tangled in her hair, the other gripping her all the way around her back, and shoulders, so that she was encased in his warmth.

"Nothing will ever be the same." Julian muttered, stroking her hair haphazardly, with a shaking hand.

"It's gonna be okay, Jules, it's gonna be okay."

"Nothing is okay, Tracy." His hot breath fanned her forehead, and when she tried to pull back and look him in the eye, he held her tightly, close so she couldn't move. His deep shudders filled them both again.

Tracy felt her heart clenching, as if a band was around it, and she couldn't catch her breath. Something about this moment sealed the experience for her. The moment of transition, when a past ended and a future rushed toward them. In that moment, time stood still and all that mattered was right there in her arms.

At length, Julian let his arms drop wearily, and he turned to the incubator. His long perusal of the baby didn't go unnoticed. "They're not letting you touch him anymore?"

"Oh, no, I can touch him. I can't hold him yet." Tracy moved to stand beside him, looking at the sleeping baby.

"I'm taking Bridget home to Cali. Kirk and Coral need help with the arrangements, and now that it's clear the baby can't be moved we're just going to go through with this. Is there any chance you will come to the funeral? We were thinking of singing..." But his eyes held no hope, he knew her too well.

She shivered a negation, barely moving her head.

He nodded, and rubbed his fingers under his nose. "Okay then. Bridget wants to come in and see the baby." He turned to go, and then stopped and hesitated before turning back to face her. "Richard is here."

"I figured he would be. I asked him to come."

"The current?"

She nodded.

"Among other things?"

She was startled and her eyes rose to his uncomfortably. "Not among other things." She gritted in annoyance, but the sudden fluttering in her heart confused her. "I'm married to Raine."

Julian shrugged. "If you feel better saying it that way."

"Stop it." She said tightly. "He's like my brother."

"I'm like your brother." He said diffidently, rubbing the back of his neck as if her denial gave him a back ache.

"No, you are my brother. The brother of my heart. Richard is... a friend. Nothing more. He happens to have the right calibration of frequency to help diffuse my current. That's all. Until the medical profession comes up with a better solution than magnetic bracelets, that is."

"And he feels that responsibility enough to race across the country because you have a headache. Is that right?"

Tracy's hands rested on her hips in annoyance. "Thanks for bringing my clothes."

"I made sure Monday, Jake and Danny moved over to Ray's, but Coral wants Danny at the funeral, so I'll let you know the details." He turned to go again, and then stopped, facing the doorway. "I love you more than life, Trace."

She swallowed hard. "I love you too, Jules."

He nodded, without looking at her, and then heel clicked in his dress shoes down the hall.

*******